He is spending more time with his single friends than with his family, playing sports every night and also cominh home at midnight and then telling me he went to the bar with firnds after the softball game. Or am I just over reacting.. Help!!!!
2007-10-12 17:57:15 · 14 answers · asked by th 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Answering some of your questions, first of all I am 36 and he is 31. I undertstand alot of what you are all saying but because he plays sports and drinks doesnt mean he is not still an alcoholic oh he is I know. I am am getting real tired of the attitude. I thank all of you for your input and support. Support is very helpful when your are just stuck and dont know which way to turn... Thank you all I will keep you posted...
2007-10-14 11:06:30 · update #1
That is what alcoholics do...If he admitted he is an alcoholic then he is either in recovery or still sane enough to realize he's drinking too much. Full blown alcoholics will most likely not admit to their problem until they are confronted or hit "bottom." My dad has gout because of his alcoholic tendencies and he still refuses to think he has a problem. That's the trouble, alcoholism is a sickness. Go to Alanon meetings and learn how to break codependency. They will also help you through the act of confronting your alcoholic partner, friend, or relative. It is also great to talk to other members in the family or sober close friends as well. You will need support if you want to create change.
Good luck!
P.S. I know alcoholics who have been through rehab at seventeen. There is nothing normal about binge drinking in spite of what our culture may tell you. There are also multiple stages of alcoholism, someone who closet drinks is at stage 4 which is the worst. If you want to help him get a handle on himself before it turns in to a real problem you are in no way over reacting. Drinking is fine in moderation, but Euro guy below me: drinking in the car or at work is just dumb and the early signs of alcoholism. Youth doesn't matter.
2007-10-12 18:04:01 · answer #1 · answered by schwhat? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no you are not over reacting. He has a problem. However, you need to decide what your problem is. Is it his drinking or that he isnt spending time with his family. Does the drinking cause violence and/or cheating or just keep him away from you, tha tway you can present yuor case to him and to anyone else you decide to talk to. My hubby is recovering and his drinking wasn't exactly the prob, it was that the problems he already had were multiplied by 1000 when he did. make sure you have a concise argument lined out so that you don't lose your cool.
He should at least be considerate enough to call an dsay "I'm gonna go to the bar"
2007-10-13 01:21:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
lol wooooww then i must be a heavy alcoholic. Babe i'm european and in my family we drink no matter then age. Vodka and the strong stuff is jsut about right. When i turned 18 i was drinking about everyday. A bear or just a shot. I go to the club or to the bar with my friends on weekends and don;t come home till like 5. Well, i have 80s in the courses and i'm planning to open my own buisness. I would say alcohol isn't bad!! Jesus drank wine lol..
anyways the only way he would be an alcoholic was if he was like a closet drinker and didn't admit to it, but her clearly tells you he goes to the bar with his friends. 12 is actually early for me. I know some alcoholic and they drink atleast 5-6 shots just when their at work or out driving their car because they'll bring a small bodle with them. Honestly hun he;s young and is just having fun.. he doesn't drink alone or does he? If he does then get him help.
Ps why don't you try going out with him for a good time it could be fun..
sure everyday is a bit much.. but are you sure your not overexagerating? Maybe everynight is like 2wise a week lol..
umm.. well if you don't like the relationship then end it..
simple.
Goodluck though!
2007-10-13 01:04:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
WOW an alcaholic who plays sports , thats a new 1 .Putting aside professional athletes who do it because they know if they dont play they dont get payed.
I think your over reacting and the reason he is going out after the game is so he can avoid you , something else is going on in this marriage you need to dig deep and find out what it is.
An alcaholic doesnt play sport , they sit around the house after work watching tv or get on line or stay in the pub after work Sunday through to Saturday until it closes.They start drinking the minute they wake up in the am.
You need to go to alanon and find out exactly what alcaholism is before so easily labeling it as your husbands problems .
2007-10-13 01:50:12 · answer #4 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't live with one personally but I do have family members that are alcoholic and don't want to admit it. They don't spend time with their families, they don't hold their jobs for very long, and they can't drive because they have been pulled over too many times for DUI and another will get them jail time. This guy just sounds like he is partying too much but too much partying can some times lead to trouble. Everything in moderation in a good rule to go by when it comes to partying and drinking.
2007-10-13 01:05:27 · answer #5 · answered by mellowyellow311727 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok honey first, is he drunk when he comes home? Does he drink everyday? Your problem could be twofold. He may be looking around for something/someone else. You need to figure out which one it is. If it's alcoholism then you need to go to al-anon. It's a great program. You'll learn alot,and you'll find out that it's not your fault,and there's nothing you can do to stop him. He is the only one that can fix this. What you need to learn is how you enable him, i.e. lying for him,making excuses for him,telling yourself that if you were better,stronger,etc., he wouldn't drink . It's not your problem but his. That said, you need to do what is best for you.
If It's him being a dog then you know what to do. Be strong. You didn't give your age so I can't tell you that you can get over this dog.
2007-10-13 01:10:21 · answer #6 · answered by kathy R 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you are not over reacting, my father has been an alcoholic all my life and in denial of course, it sucked! Sucked for my mother, myself and my siblings. Sorry but until he hits rock bottom he will not admit that he is an alcoholic, and he may never admit it, my father never has. You just have to protect your children, do what is best for you and the kids.
Good luck!
2007-10-13 02:25:51 · answer #7 · answered by Rosie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am only assuming you guy's are still young and if that is the case maybe you need to get out too. Meet up with him. Be a part of his life too. If you are simply waiting at home for him to come home, he knows that and will push it as much as he can. Surely you have friends that go out. Start doing things you enjoy too. It may not be your fault that he doesn't want to be at home but it may be your fault that you are not living your life and therefore having too much time time to spend on thinking about what he is up to. one thing guy's don't approve of is their women having as much fun as they do. If Kids are involved get a babysitter!!!! You owe it to yourself to have fun or you will not only end up resenting him but your whole life....Take care girl and remember relationships aren't supposed to be hard but sometimes a dose of his own medicine may just fix the problem..... Good Luck
2007-10-13 01:12:51 · answer #8 · answered by jodi k 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you expecting him to admit he has a problem with alcohol? If he doesn't think he does there is nothing you can do. The only person who can convince him he is an alcoholic is himself and the only one who can convince him to get help is himself.
2007-10-13 06:04:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes i do although it is my mother.. but she doesnt admit it either and she has even had help for it many times.. your not over reacting if he is with his friends more than family and is drinking all the time.. what you need to do is try talking to him about it, and if it doesnt work maybe trying showing him what he is like when he drinks (prove often helps) and if nothing else works try AA
2007-10-13 01:01:54 · answer #10 · answered by sammie_385 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋