Laugh!!!!!!?

Question

I am in a really bad mood and I really need a good laugh....

Does any one know good jokes or anything thats funny?

Answer 1

Where do sheep go on vacation?
The Baahaamaas! Hahahahaha

Answer 2

One day, little Johnny walks on to a city bus and sits directly behind Brian, the bus driver. He begins to shout at the top of his lungs saying, "If my mummy were a girl elephant and my daddy were a boy elephant, I'd be a baby elephant!" He goes on and on and on like this for half an hour when Brian the bus driver finally reacts to the young boy's antics.

Brian slams on the brakes and turns around to the boy and yells, "IF YOUR MOTHER WERE A PROSTI*UTE AND YOUR FATHER WERE GAY, WHAT WOULD YOU BE THEN?"

To which little Johnny replies with a large cheeky grin on his face, "A bus driver."
***
And if that one didn't do it for you, this one gets me every time...
***
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse''s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse''s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse''s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.




Smile and the world will wonder what you're up to!

Answer 3

YOUR FACE!! j/k... ok here is a blond joke... A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.

"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."

Answer 4

There was 2 guys one on top of a ruff and one trying to start a truck that didn't had a engine and this guy comes from no were and says who is more dum of u too? and the one on top of the ruff answers "the one that wants to start that truck but it doesn't have a engine" and the guy that came from no were said to the one on top of the ruffff "and u why are u on top of the ruf ?" and the guy on top of the ruf said "because i am scared that he crashes on me!!!!

Answer 5

Ok, here's one:-


A young pirate wannabe saw Captain Hook walking into the pub. The young guy approach the Captain & said "wow!! I can't believe it u!! Mind if i ask u a few questions??I'm a great fan of yours"

Hook" go ahead and ask ,young um"

Young Guy " how did u lose your leg?"

Hook "lost em while trying to board a vassal in the Bermuda Triangle. Damn sailor blew me leg off with a cannon"

Young guy" wow, & how did u lose your left hand,,& ended up with a hook?'

Hook "hehehe..lost that to a shark when me ship sank in a storm"

Young guy "OMG...and how did u lose your right eye??'

Hook " Oh that,,,me & a few guys were walking down this open market in Afica,,,,,there were lots of flies there...and it was me first day with me hook......"

ROFL...hope u like it

Answer 6

ok read this


A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay , Jamaica . Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple". The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America ," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona , and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once." "We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, "That's twice." We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead. I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you f*ckin crazy!?" She looked at ME, and
quietly said, "That's once."

Answer 7

a blonde called her boyfriend and said can you come over here and help me with this puzzle. i can't figure out how to get it started. what is it supose to be when its finished. i think its a tiger her boyfriend decided to go over and help her with the puzzle he got there and look at the puzzle and he studies the pieces for a moment then look at the box then turn to her and said first of all we are going to do nothing with the pieces he takes her hand and says second i want you to relax lets have a nice cup of tea he sighed................let put all these frosted flakes back in the box

Answer 8

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.

Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.

The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.

It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."

The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle.

For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."

The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay."
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous that he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done.

The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

The next Sunday, he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon when he got nervous, he took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

Sip the vodka; don't gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey; he did not "bet his ***."
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior, and the spook.
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the **** outta him.
When David was hit by a stone and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
We don't refer to the cross as the "Big T."
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper, he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the cherry."
The recommended grace before a meal is not "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
There will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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thumbs up if you want more

Answer 9

http://www.jokesgalore.com/thejoke.php?id=4533&sql=cat%3D%27Work%2FSchool%27+and&flag=2 this is kinda funny, but i hope you feel better, im sad too http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00gsQ6zQIpE if you like Sleeping Beauty's ONce upon a dream watch this in french, feel better, and remember always scream in a pillow :)

Answer 10

i look uder the USA TODAY newspaper and look under funniest headlines.always get a good laugh.