My wife of 16 years was diagnosed with MS last year, now she's trying to drive me away. Says she doesn't love me and treats me like crap. I love her more than I can say, and I can't leave as I know how much help she'll need as she gets sicker. We also have a 11 year old, and I can't bear to subject her to a divorce. Do I hang on and keep eating crap with a smile, or let her go to maintain my own sanity??
2007-10-12 16:42:27 · 10 answers · asked by J. 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh, how sad. I'm sorry to hear that. It's hard to tell if she is just giving up on herself and griping at you because it makes her feel better or if she is just trying to make it look like she doesn't care anymore, so you will move on because she no longer feels she is "good enough" since she is ill.
It sounds like you do believe that she is simply driving you away and you should know her better than anyone. So, if that is the case I would say that you need to maybe get some advice from a professional. Ask them how to handle someone who is up against such a battle.
I have a feeling you have already done everything else in your power. I am sure you have discussed with her the fact that you love her no matter what and the MS is nothing compared to the love you feel for her etc. What else can you do? Sounds like you have exhausted every effort.
I guess if I were you, I wouldn't throw in the towel yet. I really do admire how great you have been through this. Does she not realize that some people wouldn't be this understanding? All people should, but most wouldn't. I say hang in there awhile longer, and try talking to a pro about this. Good luck and I hope this helps.
2007-10-12 16:59:21 · answer #1 · answered by ShineOn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was diagnosed 9 years ago, and I remember the first year, I was completely out of it. I don't know what happened to that year. I know now, however, that it does not have to be a debilitating disease! I really am relatively fine! Sure, I have to inject myself every day (ok, most days), and my hand will always have a tremor, and I will have rotten fatigue too much, but to have the love and support of my husband has brought me through. MS doesn't kill you. Depression can make your life miserable, but it doesn't have to. With the medicines available today, it is not a terrible disease that inevitably leads to total disability. My brain scans are showing improvement, and I recently started cholesterol drugs, as studies have shown them to be helpful in reducing number and size of lesions. So tell her not to give up! Keep pressing that her family supports her and loves her and is there for her! This is a disease that is not curable yet, but it is treatable and her life will work out just fine. Don't let her identity become MS. She is way more than a disease, and it doesn't have to define her.
Retail therapy works very well too!!!
Eat all the crap you need to, because it's likely it is just temporary crap. Best wishes!
2007-10-12 17:09:59 · answer #2 · answered by Flatpaw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
*lol* Nope. I love baby wearing but maybe its because I am a small person with short arms and rather large breasts which push baby out even further but there's no way I could forget the baby was in the front pack. I've often wished there was a safe way to use a baby carrier while driving half a block from one store to the other. Usually I end up walking while hubby drives. There are those baby carriers approved for airplane restraint but of course airplanes don't have shoulder restraints or airbags.
2016-05-22 04:30:54 · answer #3 · answered by iva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what a horrible situation for your family to be going thru. MS can do some crazy things to someone, and is such a fearsome thing to fight. is she worried that her sickness will drive you away, so is trying to force you out on her terms rather than have you leave later? it sounds like she isn't handling the health issue very well (understandable) and maybe some family counseling would do you both good. if she won't go, go on your own. i'd give that a shot before considering leaving.
good luck and god bless.
2007-10-12 16:58:13 · answer #4 · answered by sleepycatz1972 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess is that she loves you too, and doesn't want you to see her as a burden, and is trying to give you an 'out'. Is there someone that you can both go to for some couseling? Maybe there are resources at the hospital or treatment center for people who have MS diagnosis, and their families. I doubt that this situation is uncommon. I'm sending out my prayers to you and your family. Good luck.
2007-10-12 17:00:08 · answer #5 · answered by Sarah J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her doctor. I'm sure that s/he has seen this situation before and would be able to advise you where to go to find a good counselor. This is specialty practice, so it might take a while to find someone with expertise in chronic diseases and marriage difficulties. Don't wait - get going now.
2007-10-12 17:30:48 · answer #6 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's insecure now...I understand that you must be feeling confused at this point but hang in there....I'm pretty sure she still loves you and wants to continue your marriage. Imagine..one day your whole world changes because of a life threatening disease.....
Good Luck...
2007-10-12 16:53:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't let her drive you away, but don't let her take her anger about her illness out on you either. the three of you need to go to counselling together so that all of you can deal with your wife's illness. even though she's the one with the diagnosis, you're a family, and it affects you all.
2007-10-12 16:56:29 · answer #8 · answered by Gracie63 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
she is obviously stressed out with the diagnosis and that is her way of reacting. Hang in there for her tht is the most honorable thing to do
2007-10-12 16:52:13 · answer #9 · answered by lavagal.com 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your wife needs you more than ever.
get professional help.
2007-10-12 17:24:55 · answer #10 · answered by ramni222 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋