We just recently discovered that he lost his virginity to this girl on their 1st date.. I am not comfortable with them being home alone when where out. He cant even watch his sister never mind possibly make his own. We/ve given him condoms and I am not naïve to the idea that he will be having sex but every time I step out I come home to them in their bedroom. I dont think he is mature enough. My husband seems proud of him. I am very angry. I dont know how to handle the situation? I have raised this boy, his mom died when he was young. My husband said he is going to do it anyway and its safer for him here. WHy cant he get a job and take this girl to a motel? I dont want to bend here, am I wrong
2007-10-12 16:28:51 · 12 answers · asked by Vicki l 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i didnt mean their room. its his room. He is 17, she's 18. he'll be 18 in 6 months.
2007-10-12 16:41:42 · update #1
I don't really understand. If you know he is going to have sex, why would you prefer that he do it in a hotel room? Is it because that's not your house? Honestly, your husband is right, your son is going to have sex anyway and he will not spring for a hotel room whenever he wants to have sex. His room is convenient so that is where he will do it. Just make sure he is having safe sex.
When I was younger, my bf and I had sex in his room all the time. His mom knew and didn't necessarily like it but she knew it was out of her hands. We were still in high school though. If you're really uptight about it, tell him girls are not allowed in his room when you are not home.
BTW, how old is he?
2007-10-12 16:33:21 · answer #1 · answered by First Lady 5 · 1⤊ 4⤋
I already answered your question about this and the fact he'll be 18 in 6 months is besides the point apart from the fact it means you definetly have NO say in it once he hits 18 , why are you risking your marriage over this ? he is NOT your biological son , your husband's right are you aware of the filth in hotel rooms ? their NOT cleaned as well as you think they are and why the heck should he go to a motel just because your obviously uncomfortable in your own sexuality and punishing your step son for being comfortable in his , why cant he get a job , you need counciling seriously sweet heart come out of the 1950's hey.
YES your wrong , its his house as much as it is yours back off and grow up.
OOOH reading the :"He cant even watch his sister never mind possibly make his own". He's NOT YOUR babysitter sweetheart my god.You want him to watch her PAY him and then maybe he may show more respect for you then being treated like a free babysitter.
2007-10-12 16:56:15 · answer #2 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Somebody needs to stand up and be a responsible parent here; since your husband won't or cannot do it, it might as well be you.
It is inappropriate for a child to have sex, period; you need to communicate this to everyone in the household.
If your son does not have enough self-discipline to "keep it in his pants" until he is a self-supporting adult, why do you think he will be responsible enough to use condoms?
Tell your stepson no visitors are allowed in the house while you are away; he clearly needs a chaperone since he has a difficult time making correct decisions.
If "he is going to do it anyway", do not make it easy for your stepson to disrespect the house by keeping quite on the situation. (BTW, "he is going to do it anyway" is a very weak argument...what will happen if he decides to rob, do drugs, etc...?)
Why is your husband proud? Will he be proud when he have to spring for child support or watch his grandchild? Will he be proud when has to visit your stepson in the hospital for some sexually transmitted disease? (Remember, condoms do not work 100%.)
It is time for a reality check!
2007-10-12 17:00:51 · answer #3 · answered by D S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you don't know much about the world do you? A motel won't rent a room to an underage child. Your husband is right, but won't be so proud when the girl gets pregnant and he has to shell out money for it.
2007-10-12 16:34:48 · answer #4 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have the right idea, but his dad is acting as irresponsible as his son. He is taking the stand like some parents do about underage drinking - as in buying it for them and their friends "because they are going to do it anyway and I would rather they be at home." Very stupid and very irresponsible parenting.
You are not wrong and I wouldn't bend either. I would make it very embarrassing for both of them. I might even call the girl's parents or at least make them think I would.
2007-10-12 16:41:19 · answer #5 · answered by drewxjacobs 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
If I would have done that in my mother's house she would get a bible out and grab a frying pan and call the girl all kinds of names. You are being gentle. They are going to do their thing no matter where they are, so toss them out and tell them you aren't a motel. They will get the hint.
2007-10-12 16:33:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
uh NO! NO! and NO! Oh and hell NO! you tell that boy and his girlfriend that they can go and disrespect her house but that they will not disrespect you ( the woman who raised him) and his father in your home. If he wants to act grown and have sex then he need to get out and get his own home to have sex in it. I know he's probably not old enought to get his own place but thats the whole point. When he supports his self then he can do as he pleases with whom he pleases. Do not allow it in your home. So if he wants to smoke pot in your house you guys will buy it for him and let him smoke it there so yall can keep a eye on him? Its the same thing.
2007-10-12 16:41:13 · answer #7 · answered by neverlie 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
heres how to fix this one, call the girls parents , tell them you dont appreciate her having sex in your house ! lol or have some tact(something my mother says i have NONE of lol) and say , your daughter is sexually active with my son and im worried about pregnancy , ive talked to my son and he doesnt understand the impact of this situation , and as one parent to another i thought i should inform you of the situation.forget that i just read how old they are, talk to the girl , tell her you will press charges for statutory rape if she doesnt quit having sex in your house, probally just bringing up the subject of her having sex in the house alone will embarrass her.
2007-10-12 16:37:37 · answer #8 · answered by ♥ஐDanielleஐ♥ 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You didn't say how old he is... Either way, your home, your rules. I would not allow him to have girls in his bedroom alone. I would not allow premarital sex in my house. If he's 18 I'd give him the boot if he doesn't like that rule. Your hubs seems immature (sorry if that sounds harsh) just seems like irresponsible parenting. whoah!!! I just read your ? again and you say "their" room... Is this girl living in your home?!?!?! If so, you have already sent the message that you condone this behavior...
2007-10-12 16:38:28 · answer #9 · answered by kyla m 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You are this boy's mom and your word for his well being needs to be the law for now until he is old enough to move out.
2007-10-12 16:41:54 · answer #10 · answered by lavagal.com 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋