my kids want to see their dad but he doesnt want to see them?

Question

i am the custodial parent but we have no legal papers about visitation...we were married for 13 years and divorced almost 4 years ago...he was remarried 3 years ago and his wife is crazy and now he wont have anything to do with his kids...i dont want my kids around this woman but i want them to see their dad...she is a whisky drunk and she has pulled a knife on their dad in front of them before...do you think a judge would make him have supervised visitation?i mean i want to like force him to be a part of his kids lives but without his wife around..my kids are so hurt because their dad wont even so much as call them..he use to be such a good dad till he met the drunk he is with now...what should i do..can a judge force him to see his kids without her around?i have plenty of proof and witnesses that she is unfit for any child to be around..i think their dad is afraid of her...she is crazy...any advise would be appreciated...

Answer 1

i would try to give my kids double-love to make up for their loser dad; try to reinforce their ideals that their father truly loves them but he is just "going through a thing, phase, confusion" whatever word you wanna use. kids kinda need to know their parents love them no matter what. i would not try to force the issue; he may start to miss the pushing and realize what he's missing out on. if not, reassure them of YOUR love, until they are old enough to face the truth and deal with it in THEIR way, not what YOU would like.
later, if they decide to confront him about his absence, support that; if they decide to move on and write him off, support that; but also let them know if they ever change their mind, you will be there. if they do want to confront their father (you gotta earn the right to be called 'daddy") make sure they understand it may not turn out how they think and not to get their hopes up too high. sometimes people just don't see the beauty right in front of them. how sad for them.

Answer 2

You think a judge will actually let your kids see their dad while he is living with a person who is out of control?? I don't think so. Plus, why would you want to force your husband to see his kids when he doesn't want to? And why would you allow your kids to even be with him? You as a parent are suppose to PROTECT your kids from any type of harm. You can't force him to see his kids if he doesn't want to. That's like wanting to change an orange to a lemon!

The only way your kids will see their dad is if he wants to and if legal papers are in the works with the judge. The judge will have to decide where and when he can see his kids, but it will probably be a place where this woman is no where around....somewhere else like a park or another building.

This is what happens when two people get divorce and it just totally screws up their kids lives.

Answer 3

No the dad can't be forced to visit the kids and really, you wouldn't want that. All that might cause is resentment on his part against you, and in the end, against the kids. He has to deal with the "crazy" lady on a daily basis, and we can only imagine what that is like.Try involving the kids in scouts so that they can have a male model, or any other organization such as that. Have you given up on companionship? If not , there may be some remedy there. Good luck.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry to hear this... I'm going through almost the same. Don't send your kids to that crazy house. The courts would give him supervised visits, but most of the time the absent parent doesn't show up. A child is a blessing, not a complication. If he doesn't want to see them, don't force him. That will hurt the kids more in the long run. Just be there for your kids, and be honest with them, but in a way that won't make them feel abandoned. Be supportive. And good luck.

Answer 5

I dont have any kids myself but my family is going though that also. my mom was married for 20 yrs and she has been devoriced for 6 yrs now. I am 23 and my 2 bros are 18 that 16. the youngest lives with my mom and the other lives with my dad. since the devorice my father has rarely been around. last year i wasliving with him to try to get back the daddy and his little girl thing but it was not happening. his g/f is a real B*tch and i cant stand her nor could my youngest brother. the middle one lives there with him and her and he is becoming as big of an *** as they are and yet he wants nothing to do with my mother. After all the **** i have gone though with that man i call a father i dont want to see him. i have been living on my own for how long and he has not even been to my place. he maybe calls me or my youngest brother what 1 day a month. so i know what you are going though. talk to a judge. you could force him to see your kids but that wont solve much. the crazy lady thoughkeep her away from them. How old are your kids. do they like her? do they want to see him. make him see what needs to be seen.

Answer 6

I'm going through a similiar situation except my ex-husband is married to a marijuana user , she is a psycho , manipulates men with her womanly binds , so far she has managed to have my 17 , 15 and 12 year old son's banned from their own family home , she accused my 17 and 15 year old son's of hitting on her for sex and then claimed they threatened to kill her if she didnt give it to them , now I am fighting to get supervised visitation's for my daughter away from the home , but it will cost me $170 a visit in the residence the courts provide , it's annoying as hell he doesnt pay child support and my income is 1/4 what he earns and i just cant afford it.

Just explain to your kid's that right now daddy is occupied but as soon as he gets some free time they will see him , it's better to give them a bit of hope then nothing at all , but do not let your children near that psycho , apply for a protection order between her and your children and I know a judge would allow supervised visitation's if you felt the children were in danger , how ever the 1 loop hole you face is that in a court of law step parents do not exist , they are invisible , as court's believe the biological parent is responsible for the care and safety of the child while they are in their home , this ruling really peeves me off because you know the step mother is there and having as much if not more say and influence on your children and it's hard for a judge to understand this.

Good luck , I dont know if i helped but I did try.

Answer 7

Unfortunately, a judge can not make him see the kids, only pay child support. For the sake of your kids, get them some professional counseling to help them deal with the emotional issues. And honey......pray to God. If he is as you're describing him to be, those kids are better off without him, at least for the time being. That old saying that kids would rahter be FROM a broking home as opposed to being IN a broken home is very true. In order for you to get supervised visits for you ex-husband, you would have to prove that his being around the kids would be detrimental to the kids. Where the new wife is concerned, you would have to have viable proof to present to the court.

Answer 8

You can't legally force him to visit with his children whether his wife is present or not and why would you want to subject your children to someone who does not want contact with them? Being ignored from a distance is far easier to cope with than being rejected up close. If your ex chooses to stay with the violent alcoholic that you describe, he has issues of his own that raise questions about his own judgement and behavior. Not having any contact with this dysfunctional situation will probably be less damaging for your children in the long run. If you have boys and feel the need for a male presence in their lives (a good role model, which your ex apparently is not) you could enlist the aid of an appropriate male relative or investigate the Big Brothers Association in your area. Regardless of the sex of your children, you may want to consider counseling for them to understand that some adults and their father in particular can have their own issues that have nothing to do with their children, but make them unable to function as good parents.

Answer 9

could you be jealous sorry but if things are that bad for your ex and his second wife why would you want to put your kids in danger especially if she has pulled a knife on him. I suggest you catch him at work and talk to him f2f before going back to court. You were married to the man for 13 years don't you have any way to contact him outside of his home what type of relationship do your kids have with his parents? Maybe you can get them to help you. I would also try calling and putting the kids on the phone let him tell them why he isn't seeing them but it sounds to me that if he is afraid of his wife then maybe he is trying to protect you and the children orrr using it as a cop out to avoid. If you feel the children would be in danger then by all means go for the court ordered protected supervised visits but only expect 1-2 hrs once a week and is that really enough for the kids. I know it is more than they are getting now but is it more harmful for them in the long run emotionally speaking.

Answer 10

I think you should let him decide. I mean if he don't want to see the kids then don't force them on him, it could only be worse for them. If he wanted to see his kids without her being around then i am sure that he could arrange to do so. I'm not here to judge but it sounds like he cares more for his current wife then his own kids. And that is so sad. I know that the kids miss their father but he is the one who made the choice and he is the one that is missing out far more than he could ever imagine.