when you are trying to give him space to get through a rough time. but there comes a point where it is disrespectful when he's not contacting you...agree?
It's been 5 days!
(we've been dating for 4 months...he is at the end of his divorce process and claims to be completley stressed out and unhappy bc she is trying to take him for everything)
I know this is "singles and dating" but i put it in here bc i wanted more mature answers than that of a bunch of 15 year olds...
2007-10-12 15:16:09 · 11 answers · asked by Jax 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I really don't know why all of your responders are telling you not to date a married man. Heck, he is separated and going through a divorce. Just wait, but don't really wait. Let him have his space and don't....don't crowd him. Have fun for yourself as hard as that might be right now, you have to go on and act as if he does not exist for your current plans. Let yourself go. Go out with your friends or ME, and have some fun. First and foremost, do not mention him to any of your friends first. If they want to bring it up they will, but do not do it yourself. Keep it inside and see if you can't have some fun anyway. Go shopping, work around the house, go to Lowes and walk the isles. Smile at everyone, and see who smiles back. Flirt with the married guy with the kids while his wife is on his arm. Don't let her see, but wink at him.. make him think he still has it. You know he won't be able to do anything except be embarrassed, and it will be fun to watch his reaction. Go have your hair done, or have a message. Then... if he calls in a month, remember how much fun you are having and let him back in slowly. Make him start over with you. Now if it is less than 2 weeks since his last call, then you'll have to judge for yourself how fast to let him back in. Anyway... go have some fun and treat yourself right for a while.
2007-10-13 04:46:37 · answer #1 · answered by fire_chief22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would caution against dating a man (or woman for you guys out there) in the process of going through a divorce. He "claims to be completely stressed out and unhappy..." well, wouldn't you be? I don't want to be unkind, but I think your expectations of this man are unrealistic given the circumstances.
Even if their divorce were amicable, it would still be a stressful time for him. He's dealing with financial and emotional issues that are overwhelming. It's probably been nice for him to have you there for emotional / physical comfort, but he's still very vulnerable and very engaged in the process of ending another relationship. You want from him what he's not ready to deal with right now: a relationship that goes beyond just dating.
Neither of you needs the pressure right now. Your needs and expectations are very different. I'd back away and find someone who is emotionally available to be with you.
2007-10-12 22:26:29 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like anything death of marriage should be treated as death of a life. You can't just flick a switch and state that it's over and carry on. Give him time to get his life together, if you matter to him he will come around but he has to be ready. At this point he is not ready to move on and quite honestly, he doesn't need someone else to nag him.
Leave him be and perhaps let him know that when he is ready your there waiting for him (even if it takes months). If he means anything to you, let him grieve, settle his finances and end his marriage. Pressuring him to commit now is just too soon, don't force your hand unless you want to fold and bow out of the relationship forever.
2007-10-12 22:37:06 · answer #3 · answered by trojan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jax. Maybe he is really stressed out. Sometimes people handle it differently than others. Though.... If it were me I would want the support of my new significant other. I don't believe that I would want to be alone. My husband on the other hand would want to be left completely alone because he is too "manly" to show his feelings around people. If you have doubts, go give him a suprise visit. Take him some dinner or something and show your concern. Tell him how you feel shut out of his life and it bothers you. Maybe then he will open up to you and share what is really going on. Just don't come off as you are accusing him of anything.
2007-10-12 22:26:05 · answer #4 · answered by gone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It isn't over until it is over. I refused to date until my divorce was over, because the first time we split up, we were about to get divorced and the very morning of the divorce hearing, we decided to stay together. This may not be the case with your guy, but there is another odd stacked against you - he may be tasting freedom and doesn't want to jump from the frying pan and into the fire right away. get an unattached person to date. he may be having seconds thoughts on divorcing her, or getting involved with anyone now.
2007-10-12 22:34:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My parents have been divorced for ten years. They're still fighting. He is always going to be stressed especially if he has children with her. I don't know you or him so I'm not going to tell either of you what to do about it but I thought I'd point it out that divorces are rarely clean. Give it some thought.
2007-10-12 22:22:57 · answer #6 · answered by kiki 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
rule number 1.. and i guess you missed this one
you NEVER date anyone going through a divorce
you get them say 6 months to 1 year AFTER the divorce is final
a person going through a divorce is in a state of flux and is a very immature and unstable candidate for dating
so not much can be expected
you deserve to have a guy free and clear of baggage and hang ups
something he will have for quite some time if it's a bitter divorce
2007-10-12 22:21:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 1⤋
Find a single guy to date, some one with no baggage. You may really regret hooking up with a newly divorced man.
2007-10-12 22:22:11 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Why do i keep hearing the word "rebound" in my head?!
Sorry babe, you must follow common divorce/dating rules, the most important one is "Do not get used as a rebound girlfriend".
You have 2 options now, leave him or wait until he contacts you again, if he does.
2007-10-12 22:59:14 · answer #9 · answered by startplayer1967 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I AGREE WITH THE 1ST PERSON WHO ANSWERED THIS. DONT DATE A MARRIED MAN,EVEN THOUGH HES GOING THREW A DIVORCE HE IS STILL A MARRIED MAN. MARRIED MEN ALWAYS SAY THAT THEY ARW GOING TO DIVORCE THIER WIVES AND NEVER DO. ALSO IF HE REALLY IS GOING THREW A DIVORCE,HE CAN ALWAYS GO BACK TO HER.
2007-10-12 22:25:27 · answer #10 · answered by TABBYKAT34 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋