I don't know what to do about this, I'm helpless. Any suggestions?

Question

I'm suffer from intense social anxiety. At school, I'm always alone, I basically have no friends. I can't talk to the people in my class, the teachers, anyone. And this is why my grades are bad too, because I can never ask for help. Although i am hardworking.
I told my parents this, and they said I'm fine. They won't take me to a therapist at ALL. And I know this is not a money problem, because when I asked to buy a book (with my own money) on how to overcome shyness, they still said no, and that reading that stuff will corrupt my mind.
My life is really bad right now, and I am suffering like crazy. I feel like I want to kill myself, and that's my main problem. I'm 16 by the way, so it's not like I can go to a therapist myself. when I told my parents I wanted to commit suicide, they got worried, but they never took me to a therapist thinking that I would never actually do it. I'm depressed and I don't know what to do at all.

What SHOULD I do?

Answer 1

1.

Checking out the link that Sienna provided (a very good move, by the way), I was struck by the following:

"Social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia, is an intense fear of social situations. This fear arises when the individual believes that they may be judged, scrutinized or humiliated by others."

So this fear arises when the individual, which is itself capable of judging, scrutinising, and possibly even of humiliating others, encounters others, that is to say, *other individuals*. So the problem arises from the nature of the individual, to which (nature) the ability to judge and scrutinise belongs. As a philosopher, therefore, I am inclined to look for a solution, or at least a better understanding of the problem, in the nature of the individual (in general; not necessarily a particular individual). What is an individual? In this case, we most certainly mean human beings. So what is a human being? The scientific answer is that a human being is a *physical* being - an animal. But, though I concede that human beings are distinct from most other animals, I will not characterise man, as the philosophical tradition started by Aristoteles does, as "the rational animal". Is this fear rational? I think not. This does not mean it isn't valid, though - i.e., that it isn't natural to feel this way.

The human being is a being which can relate to its own "being", and can therefore also conceive of others as beings which can relate to their own being, as well as to the being of others. In brief: rather than "the rational animal", the human being is a *self-conscious* animal (*a*, not "the": for dolphins, for instance, have also been shown to possess self-consciousness).

The difference between self-consciousness and mere consciousness is that the self-conscious being is a being that is aware of its own consciousness, that is, of its being a conscious being. Most animals are conscious, but few are conscious of themselves - can regard themselves - as conscious animals. But human beings can, and can also project this awareness on others - i.e., can conceive of others as also being self-conscious - and as also being capable of conceiving of others as being self-conscious. So when the human animal encounters another human animal, it is aware of the latter's awareness of the former's being a self-aware animal. What may arouse anxiety is not so much the other's awareness of one's own self-awareness, but the other's awareness of oneself *as an animal*, that is, as a physical being with physical needs and weaknesses. In fact, these physical needs are monitored by the same brain in which its self-awareness is seated, and mental input influences the physique of the person in question, even as physical input influences that person's mind (body and mind are one).

Fear is at bottom the feeling of a lack of power. When encountering others, the individual knows that these others are aware of it as a self-conscious animal, with all the weaknesses inherent to such a being (in general; not its particular weaknesses, unless they know the person well. But of course in their interaction with this person they may get to know this person better, possibly learning about particular weaknesses (or vulnerabilities, which is a better word, I think) as well, which is another reason for the individual to be anxious about such encounters).

2.

Now the website to which Sienna referred you distinguishes between social anxiety and shyness, but it's not exactly clear on what the difference is. Both seem to revolve around fear or a feeling of insecurity. Feeling insecure can be understood as a particular type of fear, because fear is the feeling of a lack of power, and security is a form of power. It seems to me, then, that the difference between shyness and social anxiety is not so much a qualitative as well as a quantitative difference: social anxiety disorder is an *intense* fear. Your characterisation of your problem as *intense* social anxiety therefore means it is of a quite different order from mere shyness (this is confirmed by your mention of suicidal feelings).

I want to quote some Jim Morrison to you. He says:

"We all live in the city."
[J.D. Morrison, The Lords.]

In modern society, people from all ethnicities (in the broadest sense) and all walks of life are crowded together. Thus you may find yourself in a class (or any other social environment) with people with completely different histories.

We have come to understand the human being as a being which can relate to its own being. The philosopher Heidegger calls it a *Dasein*, which is German and literally means "being-there". A human being is not just a being, but a being-*somewhere*. In sociobiological terms, we could say that every human being naturally has its own territory, which is always around them (when the human being moves elsewhere, its territory is also transferred).

When a human being encounters another human being, their territories overlap. It is not as if the one enters or "trespasses on" the territory of the other; human beings do not have such "static" territories as some animals have, but rather just have a need for some space of their own, which - and this is important - *is greater than merely the *physical* space they need*. Human beings also need "mental space", perhaps even more so than purely physical space. When many human beings are crowded together, all their territories overlap and are thereby "polluted". As a spiritual being, it can be hard enough for a human being to tolerate *one* other person in its own territory. When people tolerate each other, communities form. Modern society, however, forces great masses of human beings to live in a relatively small area, ignoring their territorial needs. The most choice human beings suffer the most from this: as the least common, they have need of the least common kind of territory, which means they will suffer when a common environment is imposed on them. These are what Nietzsche called "the most spiritual [geistig] human beings" (*geistig* also means "intellectual"). Modern society is made for the average human being, not for the exceptional one. The rarer, more spiritual human beings will therefore suffer from it. They are in the minority, and often they are quite alone. What is necessary, therefore, is for them to find support with others of their kind, others who suffer or have suffered from the same problem. It is necessary that the more spiritual human beings form their own communities, whether "in real life" or on the internet: for they must in the first place be spiritual communities; emotional and physical communion will follow from that.

Answer 2

If you are feeling suicidal all you have to do is go to the ER. It doesn't matter that you are only sixteen. If you really need help, they will be more then happy to give it to you, and unless they feel you will be alright, they will not discharge you simply because your parents don't think there is a problem.
If you can not make it to the ER on your own, you should talk to an adult at your school (ie, nurse, social worker, or teacher you trust) and let them know you need help. I understand having a high anxiety problem will make this really hard for you, but if your parents will not help you, then you are to have to be the one to make the first step.
I hope this helps.

Answer 3

Call the suicide prevention hot line in your area NOW!

If there is a counselor/s at your school go see them. If you have problems talking maybe write it out.
Shyness is a fear. Often the fear of rejection and can be treated very well with behavioral or Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy. Check out Albert Ellis Institute online. very good books and CD.

Good Luck,

Answer 4

Your problem is not perhaps your shyness but more your unconfidence in yourself. Most shyness ruts from a fear of rejection or discrimination. To solve this problem would be to solve your shyness. To build your confidence people often tell you to be happy with the way you are and blah blah blah......thats often just crap. Change is often the answer. If you find yourself unapealing ask yourself why. eliminate this or these traits from your person and gane your own respect. Once you have conficence in yourself and are content with the way you are, you are guarinteed to attrackted new friends and feal better about yourself all the way around.

Answer 5

Asking for help is a good way to make friends. I used to have a hard time making friends, but I asked a girl for help in class, and now we are best friends. All you need to do it try.:)

Answer 6

Let your parents read what you just posted here and I bet you will get some results from your problem. If the parents refuse to still listen to you, then consult someone that will listen and help you.

Answer 7

To be honest, this is why men and women are atracted to each other ,,,, because you need each other , don't be afraid your night in shining armor is looking for you , and he likes you just as you are ,,, or with a few changes , which ever works best for you ,, but he is looking ,

Answer 8

i think what gdc said is very helpful for your situation, and i would also like to recommend you the site http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/
you can find a lot of information about social anxiety as well as peer support.

Answer 9

Call 911 and tell them you are considering killing yourself (only do this if it is true and your not just talking) and they will make your parents get you help. Good Luck.

Answer 10

Lol ur a girl or a guy