it's never that simple is it. I'm a church girl, yep and a good one too but i have def. found my thorn in my flesh and it's love, attention, affection and sex. I have three kids, i stay at home. I have a great husband with a great job. we've had our prob. but nothing out of the ordinary. He's a cpa so from jan-april 15th we do not see each other until after 9/10 pm. I can't take it i need more. that's how i met my lover. we were just friends that feel in love, ironically i work on him with his realtionship with God as well. We don't want to be in love but it hurts so bad to talk about breaking it off. I"m tired of being second to everyone, to his wife and to m y husbands Job. I want to work on my issues with my husband and grow old with him. we are already in couns. and taking a marriage class, we've been married 10 years. I love this other man so much it hurts. How do i fall out of love with the other man with out hurting. Prayer is my number one answer any other advice of how?
2007-10-12 14:21:10 · 30 answers · asked by adrianna 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
alright adrianna, don't listen to the ones here that say you must not be a christian because "........" They just haven't had the tempations that have hit their heart, thier weak spot the way that you have. You have not damaged Christ's name on the contrary you are what Christ is for. Think of the woman at the well...Jesus said to her you've lived with 7 men and the one you are with now is not your husband...go and sin no more. (so that's not word for word but i'm not with open bible, you get the just of it though). Look being a christian you know what i'm about to say. It seems to me here that you aren't really looking for an answer but that encouraging sibling in christ to give you that nudge and reminder. Soooo here it goes. You know that even if you don't love your spouse at all that God can take that marriage and make it the best on earth. God is all powerful and an earthly marriage is a piece of cake. You've got to be honest with yourself and with God. He knows your sin but confess it to him anyway. Be specific then ask him to take that sin away. Not to help you with that sin but to take it away himsefl, not with your help, you just get in the way of the work he needs to do. Then ask him to replace that empitness the sin has left with his love for Him and love for your spouse. Adrianna, God will be there for you while you leave your sin. He will bring you comfort. If you don't even desire to leave that love you better ask for that too. "Give me oh God the desire to leave the sin behind, the desire to love my husband, and the desire to follow your plan! Help me to say with understood strength "GET BEHIND ME SATAN!"" IT's hard i know but you are better and more powerful than satan, don't let satan win this war. Remember "i can do all things through christ who gives me strength" 1peter.
Good luck!!!!! I've already prayed about this for you. -flowers
2007-10-14 09:06:32 · answer #1 · answered by flowers 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First, I hope you realize that some of the things I think,you might not like to hear, but YOU put the question on this open forum.... I dont want to offend you at all, just listen.... You sound like a spoiled child... You dont want to be second to your husbands job or your lovers wife.. Do you hear yourself? You talk about yourself like you did nothing wrong, you talk about yourself like you are such a good person. You don't sound remorseful about cheating, but actually want some advice on how to make YOU feel better. Maybe you should take a good look at yourself. I cant believe you are in "love" with this other married man.. Yeah, he sounds like a great, church going man. In all your "prayers", didn't you ever listen? I'm sure God didn't say it was OK to cheat. Your husband is a hard working man and probably loves you so much... I think you should tell your husband... you and your "lover" deserve each other... I think what you and he have done is so selfish, and self-serving. Stop whining about "poor me". I hope you tell your husband and the wife of your "lover" deserves to know too...
2007-10-12 14:39:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does your husband know about your affair? If no, then it is quite simple; drop the other man, go back to keeping your family whole. Father, mother & children. He is a great husband with a great job & you love him. Nobody forced you to marry and have children. You did it of your own volition. It is your responsibility to provide a happy home for the children. Seems like you have too much free time on hand. Get yourself occupied with something other than this man. Stay away from him and places that he frequents. Let him go back to his family and you to yours. If the 2 of you decide to leave your respective spouses, you may find happiness but at the expense of the pain, misery and sufferings of others. And after awhile, routine will set in, things will get mundane and it's back to square one.
2016-03-12 20:56:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have made the first step in putting your marriage back together by going to see a marriage counselor. If your husband didn't mean anything to you...you would not have made this step.
As for the other man in your life, LET IT GO, you can't move forward if he is still in your life. Break all ties with him and don't worry about hurting him.
Look at it this way, did he care about hurting your relationship with your husband? Did he care about how this could hurt your kids? Did he care about you and your emotions and how you would have to deal with what has happened? Did he push the issue of the two of you having a sexual relationship? Did he think of hurting his wife?
If you can answer NO to any of this, he didn't care about you. He was only there for his sexual pleasure. I hate to put it to you like this, but you need a wake-up call. He is no good.
Make thing right for you and your husband and forget about this other man. I know you are hurt and your emotions are in the way, but you have to let him go to be able to move on.
2007-10-12 14:56:05 · answer #4 · answered by Big Chief 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you must stop seeing this friend and concentrate on your marriage and your kids,is it worth losing all off that,you are doing the right thing in going to councilling and the marriage class,you must want to save your marriage or why else would you go.
Take up new hobbies when hubby is away working,occupy your time n keep busy.
Stop saying you are second best to everyone,but true you are too the other mans wife,and im sure that god never saw that cheating on your spouse was right,so i dont see how you can justify being a good church girl,,you need to get your priorities right,but good luck anyway,or should i wish your hubby luck.
2007-10-12 15:33:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
is man #2 married as well?? because THEN you are affecting another woman's marriage as well...
that is even more sticky than just with your hubby...
but only prayer and scripture reading will help this one..
you have to find as many things to get in your way of "mr big" as you can...watch a baseball game..get into a college class..get busy..too busy to the extent that the Other sees this and recognizes that you ARE truly making an effort with your husband...see the thing is..he probably doesn't know why you are even insisting on remaining married...your actions do not show that you love your hubby...
have you ever tried to go to your husband's work late at night and seduce him? screw whether he likes it or not...YOU make him your everything and spoil the living **** out of him...
fall back into love with him..do everything you did when you were dating and MORE..
2007-10-12 14:53:09 · answer #6 · answered by juanes addicion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
UNbelieveable that you are asking for help. You should first of all read and understand your bible before you start giving advice or help to others with their religion. The best way to teach religion is by acting Christ like yourself, and I assure you Jesus would never put themselves first above others. I think you should get down on your knees right now and start praying for forgiveness and to cast out all the temptations in your life. You are on the road to ruining your life, your kids lives, your husbands life, the others guys life, the others wifes life, and on and on and on. It does not get any better it just keeps hurting and hurting and hurting. I can not believe that you are upset with a man that works hard to provide for you and the kids, and the way you repay him and show him thanks is to go out and have an affair? What would you have done if he was called off to go serve in the military for a couple of years? Did you understand any of your wedding vows or was it just a chance to get a bunch of attention for yourself and nobody else for a day along with a bucnh of pictures? Stop it now please and stop destroying others lives.
2007-10-12 15:30:43 · answer #7 · answered by Dalton125 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
IF YOU SAY YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN WELL IF YOU LOOK AT WHAT YOU JUST SAID. CHRIST IS NOT IN THIS. IF YOU TRULY HAD CHRIST IN YOUR LIFE, THEN YOU WOULD NOT BE HAVING THIS AFFAIR, AND BE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND COMMITTING ADULTERY
AND BY THE WAY HOW DOES A STAY AT HOME MOM HAVE TIME TO BE STEPPING OUT ANYWAY.. CUZ I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM AND DON'T EVEN GET OUT TO GO ANYWHERE THAT THERE WOULD BE A MAN..
AND EVEN IF I DID GO I WOULD NEVER HAVE AN AFFAIR. YOU NEED TO READ YOUR BIBLE AGAIN
2007-10-12 15:21:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Well when you pray YOU have to act on your prayer as well. If you are a CHRISTIAN then you need to lean on JESUS not AWAY from HIM. If you are worried about hurting the other man by letting him go , don't be. You have to remember you are married to your husband , not the other guy. You should be worried about how your husband would feel , not the other guy. I would just rebuke satan NOW while you still have a conciounse about what you are doing . Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do now . DO IT NOW PLEASE!! I will be PRAYING for you. GOD BLESS YOU.
2007-10-12 14:49:39 · answer #9 · answered by margery d 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i thought i was reading my life story. its kinda comforting to know there is some one else in the same situation. i know that means nothing to you, and it doesn't help at all. well i hate to tell you this, but if you truely love him it won't go away, even if you don't see or talk to him for 3 1/2 years. if you both feel the same way and you stop seeing each other, someday you will find yourself right back where you are. but what do i know? don't listen to the people that will knock you down on this site. that can't understand if they have never lived it. good luck , and i really mean that
2007-10-12 14:37:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I am not trying to judge you but do you realize you really are loving yourself more and are being selfish? This should not have happened. You are using religion (helping him with his relationship with God) and your husbands long hours as a reason to justify your actions. I know it will hurt to walk away but what about your husband's pain? Can you stop thinking about yourself for a momment and put your focus on others, like your family and on God. What about your relationship with Him? Go talk to your pastor - you need to confess your sins to your fellow brethern. That's in the bible. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. Please recognize your sins and work it out with Him. He will help you examine yourself and change. It's not going to be easy but imagine how free you will be once He does do this. You are not really letting God in until you do. From their stripes you will know them - c'mon you know it's not an easy walk but it's the walk to salvation don't you want that? I am going through my own struggles believe me! I have LOTS of sins I am working through. I am a single mom and I wish I could be married to a good Godly man. So when I see your post it upsets me. But I will pray for you. Please confess your sins and allow Jesus to help you work through them. Don't give up you have not reached the goal yet. Email me If you want to talk.
2007-10-14 09:40:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋