We just recently found out that he lost his virginity to this girl. My husband found a love note. I am not comfortable with this. I dont think he is mature enough. My husband seems proud of him. I am very angry. I dont know how to handle the situation?
2007-10-12 14:09:18 · 19 answers · asked by Vicki l 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks everyone for responding. Here are the answers that you guys asked. The biological mother is deceased. Passed away a long time ago. I raised him and his brother. He has condoms. I know he is going to have sex. I am not comfortable with him doing it here. He is not mature enough to be left alone with his sister or brother without taunting, wrestling and so on yet we are going to condone him having sex in our home when were not home? I dont get it. I understand that he is going to do it anyway, but their not in love. They had sex on date 1. Clearly this girl has some issues. I have told him they cant be home when where not home. that was 2 days ago. Since then they were here both days. I cant lock myself up in the house and he isnt listening because he knows my husband is ok with it and lets face it, sex feels good and is fun, so he is going to do it. I' mad the mr doenst get it. I cant just hold this one in. Its ok for me to mother him every other way but now I should back off?
2007-10-12 15:38:56 · update #1
Your husband needs to grow up; he's way past hanging his trophies and shouldn't be living vicariously through his unready 17 year old. You will no doubt be a step-grandmother before anyone pays any attention to your concerns.
2007-10-12 15:30:17 · answer #1 · answered by Steven B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st up he's 17 she's 18 whats the issue?
2ndly You dont mention his biological mother , where is she in this and how does she feel ? or is there NO communication between your husband and his ex like my husband and daughter's mother?
3rdly , YOU are only his step mother , so really even though you may have raised this boy from an early age realistically in a court of law his choice's and decision's have nothing to do with you it is up to his father 100 % to parent , advise and guide him.
If your husband has no problem with it then its a non-issue , as long as the 17 year old is using protection and know's this girl isnt the town bike so he isnt in danger of catching any STD's there's nothing you can say or do to change the situation and turning Hitler on him will only force him to go and have sex elsewhere , in a car (chance of being arrested by police if caught) , in a park (also chance of arrest) , in her home .Are you getting my point yet?
IF you play Hitler , he will not confide in you or his dad , which is probably why he accidently left the note where it could be found , or did you find that by doing what my husband does to my sons and doing spot searches of your step son's room hoping to find something you can have a go at him about?
Just chill out and open communication lines your not helping your husband's and his son's relationship by playing Queen security guard on him.
I dont see the big deal if he was 14 , 15 maybe I'd agree , but he's 17 time you backed off.
2007-10-12 14:41:38 · answer #2 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone better educate that boy about how to prevent pregnancy and do it today, because the deed has been done and he sure won't be stopping now.
I am with you on this. Your husbands pride is just a gender kind of issue, he will never see it clearly. You see the risks and unless you want to raise your grandchild, you need to get in there and be certain he knows how to prevent pregnancy. He's not showing good judgement at all but try anyway.
Do you know anyone with a small baby that could "loan" you the baby for a day? Keep that baby around the 17 year old for 8 hours and I bet he gets serious about condoms!
2007-10-12 14:35:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your concern is ridiculous. He is an adult a long time ago and a GUY, he doesn't even have to be mature to lost his virginity, actually, loosing his virginity and getting to know the opposite sex is a way of becoming a mature adult. Do you want him to be 25 years old and still virgin?. Lucky this guy he had that girlfriend, and he there was a "love note", that probably was a lot better than a quick hook-up somewhere or in some party. Your husband has reasons to be proud of him, he is becoming an adult, and is learning to protect himself. How things could be better?, again, to get to his 25 and meet a divorce-experienced woman to show him what he hasn't learned?.
2007-10-12 14:15:21 · answer #4 · answered by livingthe30s 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Oh... Well if he's the father his son won't take much advice from the step mom. But you sure can tell her mom and dad and tell her to leave the house when your not there. Its a touchy situation. Tell your husband its irresponsible. However the most important thing to remember is to make sure they have safe sex whether you like it or not they will find a way and tell them you will provide the contraceptives if need be.
2007-10-12 14:14:30 · answer #5 · answered by miladyrigel 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If your son was a girl, it would be a totally different story and it should be handled the same. I hope you and your husband are prepared to take care of your future grand kids. Babies having babies...this is basically what your husband condones. They are going to do what they want to do, that doesn't mean you should allow it! I hope you had a chat with the girls mom...you would want to know.
2007-10-12 14:36:33 · answer #6 · answered by BossLady 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry thats tough.Your son is going to do what he wants. You cannot really stop him but what you can do is "equip" him with knowledge and power. Remind him of possible STD's and the ability to getting his GF pregnant.But let your son know that you do not allow that kind of disrespect in the house. Even though your the step-mother, he still needs to respect you.
2007-10-12 14:25:30 · answer #7 · answered by Bride2Be 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
from a guys point of view yeah thats a cool thing to be banging an 18 year old but you know what best for your son is to not leave them alone or you may be a grandmother
2007-10-12 16:00:35 · answer #8 · answered by Ray 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well...jeez, as the mother of 3 boys and cooking my 4th boy....i'd be upset. yeah...i would. but at the same time...i'd give him a pack of condoms...an employment ad...and directions to the nearest motel. he needs a job to pay for her bith control and condoms. then he needs a job to pay to take her to a decent motel for his love nest. NOT in my home. the only people having sex in my house should be me and my husband. and yes...my husband would also feel proud.
2007-10-12 14:19:32 · answer #9 · answered by Isabella S 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yeah, the old double standard. If it were his 17 year old daughter with some 18 year old guy, he would NEVER allow it. Bring that up and see how he reacts.
And you're an adult....so you make sure YOU are there when they are if you can.
2007-10-12 14:15:49 · answer #10 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋