My husband and I have been together for 13yrs and have 3 kids together since April he has been coming and going out of the household and I am finally ready to say no more I am emontionally drained and I want to show him he can no longer keep coming and going. Do you suggest a legal seperation at this point or divorce
2007-10-12 13:54:06 · 13 answers · asked by danaispeace 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't mean to sound unsympathetic..
but I have been ans'ing u for a while now.. I am saying this cause I can understand the pain u have gone through..so congrad's to u..
I don't like to see any family break up.. but u have been through a lot..and I am glad to see u are sick and tired of hurting...
first thing.. stop the coming and going with him.. that just tells him.... that .. he still has u sucked in...to this arrangment
and stay committed to this for 2 weeks, no talking , no contact.. if u can do this..
then u no u are ready to make a change..
secondly..
if u get passed this. then yes.. a legal separation..
this means only contact with him is for BUSINESS purposes ONLY..
NO i love u.. no, are u coming home.. ?
It is about the kids and financial arrangements.. only!!!!!!!
If in a period of time 3 months or 6 months..? if he doesn't straighten up his act completely...
then file for the divorce..
you have given more than enough.. and it is time for u and the kids to move on ,, and have a stable home.
. Ur kids are the most important !!! Don't sacrifice your love for ur kids.. u kids need a stable home without confusion..
it is scary.. how to make it alone.. and start over..
but u can do this if it comes to it..!!!!!
stand up for ur self and ur kids..!!!!!
this is about them..
not you..... not him......
if he can't spend time with them.. and be a dad.. then he doesn't deserve to be around them..
good luck and God bless u.. and the kids..
2007-10-12 14:24:15 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ Blondie ♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I would ask for the divorce. If he's coming and going he may already consider you guys separated. That is if you mean he leaves for long periods of time and then comes home. Asking for a divorce may be the wake up call he needs that you need more support or that you're not going to put up with it anymore. But at the same time be prepared to hear yes. I'm all for counseling too, especially when you have kids and a reason to work through things. I've just found that the majority of men who come and go don't like counseling.
2007-10-12 14:05:54 · answer #2 · answered by taken 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, your marriage is not yet over. There is a major problem that remain unsolved that caused your husband to behave they way he does towards you. One probable cause might be you doing something you know that hurts him and you keep on doing it or that you are doing something that hurts him which you are not aware of. The best solution your problem in to have a better communication with your husband. First apologise for any wrong doing that you know of or you don't know of and express you feeling and options. This will enable you to understand what is going on and if possible to correct the gap between you two or perhaps it will give the idea where you marriage stands. Don't be angry, don't catch any altitude or become arguetative if he wants to argue, simple be polite and let you word flow smoothly from one point to the other.
2007-10-12 23:08:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well... since you've been married 13 yrs with 3 kids.. and it's not infidelity or abuse.. I would suggest legal separation combined with marriage counseling... see where that takes you.. perhaps divorce will be the end.. but it should be your last resort after you have tried all else. Best of luck to you.. I hope the separation and counseling help.. that's alot of life to have liven together and many lives depending on the two of you...
2007-10-12 13:59:35 · answer #4 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A legal separation is just a prelude to a divorce. Why spend the extra money for a separation when you will eventually have to pay for a divorce anyway. Just go for the divorce and start getting on with your life.
2007-10-12 14:06:47 · answer #5 · answered by Grandma of 2 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Separation first...you have no idea what will happen if you separate. Have you tried counseling? You guys loved each other at one time...you just have to find a way to bring it back. Separate, if nothing happens and you cannot physically or mentally take it, then just divorce him. It's hard, but it's your life and you need to make the best of it.
2007-10-12 13:59:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
perhaps a legal separation if he will agree to attend counseling with you to figure what what is going on with him but if he won't agree to that, simply divorce. You don't want your children growing up thinking that this is what a man and a father does to his family or their families may be the same way.
2007-10-12 14:02:17 · answer #7 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you don't have to legally separate, just tell him if he's not going to be in the "family" 110%, then just leave. not really sure what exactly you mean by "coming and going", but basically, tell him to leave because you can't deal with it. if he leaves, then you can think about divorce. if he decides to change, then good for you for sticking up for yourself. good luck
2007-10-12 14:00:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
have you tried counseling or work things out? if you have, and there's nothing left then divorce, because separation most likely end up in divorce anyway. good luck!!
2007-10-12 14:00:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if it were me I wouldn't be allowing him to come and go a whim. Either he through with the marriage or not. He doesn't get to have it both ways.
2007-10-12 14:10:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋