Baby and a Career...Is it possible?

Question

My husband-to-be (8 days!) and I have always talked about having kids right after the wedding. He is in his late 30s and we don't want to wait too long. However, we both got great jobs in Manhattan about 2 years ago and moved here to better our careers. I didn't expect things to advance so rapidly and I am now the breadwinner and have awesome income potential. I never thought I would make so much money in my life. It is really wonderful, however there is always a downside. My schedule is crazy! I have been to 7 cities in the past 4 weeks and can't remember a night that I have been able to sleep more than 5 hours. It is a rough lifestyle....the travel is really exhausting and I am constantly pulling all-nighters.

I am starting to question if I would be able to handle a this job and a new baby. I don't see how it is possible. I always hear from people not to put your life on hold for job, but how to you make that balance? Any working Moms out there with suggestions? Thoughts? Advice?

Answer 1

Quality time is very important in raising children. If you have a hectic schedule, it would be selfish to have a child if you're going to be gone most of the time.

Answer 2

Maybe soon you'll have enough seniority that you can stop traveling so much.

I frankly don't see how having a new baby with your current job would be possible. Babies will cause you to pull frequent all-nighters too! My SIL is very dedicated to advancing her career, to the detriment of her family. The children go to daycare early in the morning, then get picked up by their grandma sometime after 4. So that's almost 12 hours at the sitter's house. They eat dinner at grandma's then wait for mom or dad to pick them up and put them into bed. Then these people dump their kids on the weekend because they need to run errands! They all weaned early and have serious behavior issues. I'm sure that there are working moms who are doing a good job, I just thought I would tell you about the other extreme.

I hated working after my daughter was born. I had to earn all the money, do all the housework, do all the cooking and shopping and take care of the baby when I wasn't working. I never slept. I was a teacher--I only needed to put in 8 hours a day!

I wish I had some actual advice for you. If you are ready to have a family now, do it. If you want to go back to work, fine. If you don't, then you can take a few years off. Work isn't going anywhere. Just remember that working mothers make lesss than they make. Take your salary and subtract daycare, work clothes, commuting costs, lunches, formula, extra doctor visits, etc. Even if you don't net any cash, you may need to work for the benefits, but you'll likely decide that it's easier to learn to live on one salary.

Answer 3

I think you have to make a prudent decision and save up enough money to stay home, at least temporarily, to give yourself adjustment time as a mother. If you decide that the two of you want kids your career won't be your first priority anymore, even if it stays a major factor in your life. You'll always have your baby in your heart, you'll always have the worry about him or her, and you'll have to go through the decision about whether or not to continue working and how much to work. Traveling so much and advancing your career at the expense of losing lots of time with your baby won't be worth it, in the end, for either of you.
I'm not saying to give up going further in your career, because I really think that as a woman you can have both. But you'll have to juggle a lot to do that: you may need to play with working flex schedules or part timing it, or even doing some work from home. And you MAY not get as far as you would have without kids, because you will have to put their needs before your career.
Before I had my baby I had just finished my masters, was working full time, and was convinced that after my maternity leave I'd be ready and willing to throw my 120% back into my work. I'd be able to be a great wife and mom and still love my job. Well, nine months after having my daughter and a month back at work and my new philosophy is to give my 100% when I'm there, leave as early as I can to get home, and leave work AT work. I work fewer hours, I skip lunch breaks, and I go in later/leave earlier, therefore I won't be on a fast track. It's still my career, but my career no longer defines me (at least not in the way that motherhood has done)!
List your priorities, with your husband to be. Give yourself the flexibility to examine all the possibilities and then try to choose what fits you best, and also what would fit the needs of a child that you might bring into the world.

Answer 4

First off, congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Focus on what will be one of the most important days of your life and don't worry about babies and careers until after the honeymoon. Try not to stress yourself too much this week. Having a baby and a demanding career is possible but you will have to sacrifice important things like first smiles, first words, and first steps. Remember that a child changes so much in the first few years of life and you don't want to miss or regret anything. Once your children are grown there will be plenty of time for work. Having a job where you are traveling all the time will make it very difficult to soak in all of the precious moments. Is there another position in your company, or another company, that doesn't require you to work such exhausting hours? Your job will also be hard on your body and mind while you are pregnant and we women need to treat ourselves well during pregnancy. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

Great question. Think about it. Careers are important, but relationships are the fabric of life, otherwise you wouldn't be getting married. If you define your selfworth through your career, and thats how you value yourself, it can be a very difficult transition to finding value in being a mother, but no job in this world is as important as being your child's mother. Why in the world would you bring a child into this world if you were planning to miss all the important firsts and moments because your career was more important? A child, your child is worth all the sacrifice, don't you think? Is it important to have things, or relationships?

I only ask these questions because I was raised to have a career, to work, and yet found myself upon marriage and childbearing, to have a very different set of values. NO WAY was I shipping my child off to daycare, to strangers all day long. It made no sense. There was no point to having a child if I was going to do that. So we made the necessary adjustments so that jr. and juniorette didn't have to go to daycare.

It was very difficult at first for me to feel valued as a stay at home mom, because that's not the way I was raised, and the feminist movement has taught us that women don't have as much value in the home as they do out in the work force.

I don't define myself by my work, yet it is very important that I contribute to our income and keep my brain active by working part-time. My family comes first, so that makes it much easier to make decisions. If I was under the delusion that I could DO IT ALL and DO IT ALL WELL, I'd be a nutcase.

But so many women are brainwashed into thinking that they can...do it all, but I dont' know how you can do it all well. I can't. Sometimes work suffers, sometimes the laundry gets behind, sometimes my hair gets a little shaggy because I've put off my own haircut. See what I mean.????

Answer 6

Get the money now and save save save! and look into trying to get pregnant around 6 months from now [after you have some money saved up] that way you can afford to take some time off when the baby is born.

After the baby is born [if you need the money from the job] hire someone to travel with you [a nanny] to take care of the baby while you are away at work. That way the baby can go with you.
It'll all work out -- it always does :)

Answer 7

I'd imagine it'd be hard to do...you certainly couldn't keep that schedule while pregnant. Too tiring...you need your rest. But you could do it after the baby was born so long as your husband plans on being the primary care giver. I do 7:30-5:30 m-f. Daycare is expensive as it is I couldn't afford to pay someone to care for my child after hours too. And if you need to why have children?

Answer 8

it is possible you just have to see where your priorities are and try to work with it. have you thought about your husband staying home and you working. Or you going to part time in your job or him. it is tough i am a registared nurse and am oncall 24/7 being a traveling nurse my husband is a correction officer for the state. we just had a son last nov 2006. it is a challage i have had many sleepless nights and a few cries trying to figure it all out. but with the help of his family especially my inlaws we make it work. i try to work on his off days and a different shift. i plan ahead when ever possible trying to line up my jobs and locations. its hard but in the end it is WORTH IT. good luck wish you the best.

Answer 9

you dont give your age. but if your getting up there too you might not want to put off having kids . can be hard to get pregnant in the late 30s. if you arent as old as him maybe you could wait a couple years and see if your career settles down a bit. very tough to do both. been there

Answer 10

there are 5 factors in my life.
Career, family, friends, health and personal development.

If there were all glasses, all dropped on the floor, you would discover only the "career" bottle wouldnt break.