How do I get my wife to get off my back about going to the bar with friends for 1-2 hours, once a week?

Question

She said I had to call her to tell her what I'm doing. This seems like asking permission to me, but I tried it. Every time I do it, she gets very bitchy - I get the silent treatment when I get home.

So, I don;t really see the point in calling - it doesn;t help. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

just make the damn call. there is nothing wrong with a little consideration in any relationship

Answer 2

First, you have to ask yourself, how important is drinking to me? If it is causing problems now, it will continue and only get worse. You are blaming your wife because you feel like you have to have permission. There is some reason that she has a problem with you going to the bar.
You will find that you will be making a choice, which relationship is the most important to you, drinking or your wife.
Have you had a conversation with her to find out what it is she doesn't like about you going to the bar with your friends?
It is important that you understand what her problem is. If it is just controlling on her part the it's a trust issue. She may think you will find someone at the bar that you like.
Why don't you try asking her to go with you some night without your friends. She might feel more comfortable when you go with your friends.
Or she may not enjoy what you are like after a few drinks. Your behavior changes in some way. Have you ever thought how you change? Do you get bitchy too?

Answer 3

Okay, so there probably is another reason that she is not telling you why she gets so worked up about your weekly visits to the bar.
I think the most important part of a relationship is communication. I used to have a hard time with this, but through counseling, I have learned that communication can work wonders in a relationship. I think you should sit down and have a good discussion with your wife to dig down and find out what is really bothering her. Being more open with her can help you to understand where she is coming from, and help her understand why you need this little time away each week.
Maybe you can also suggest for her to come with you once just so she can see that you are just going to hang out with your friends. Maybe she's upset because she is never invited, or she needs something for herself during that time. Like a girls night at the bar or something.
Hope this helps, and I hope you work this out with her.
Remember, communication is key!!!

Answer 4

Gee, you think maybe you shouldn't be out at a bar for 1-2 hours now that you're married? That is, of course, if you don't mind your wife doing the same while YOU sit at home. Being married means having the common courtesy to let your partner know where you are. It's NOT asking permission, it's all about courtesy.


But, with your attitude, maybe you just weren't grown up enough to get married in the first place.

Answer 5

The advice you've gotten thus far:
1. Tell her to lump it. You are a big boy and can go out if you want.
2. Tell her she's more important to you than the drinking, and you are big boy and can stay home with her now.
3. Take her along, make a date night of it. You are big boys and girls and can handle being in the same place at the same time, and having fun.
4. Find out what's really bugging her.

I'm absolutely thinking 4 is the best advice:
a. Does she feel left out? Include her.
b. Does she feel as if you are not trustworthy? Be trustworthy.
c. Does she feel as if you value your friends more than you value her? Show her you value her.
d. Is it all work and no play for her (home alone with the kids) while it looks to be all play and no work for you - I doubt you're in a mood to wash a load of diapers when you get in-- in her eyes? Make arrangements to be home with the kids while she has some personal girl time, what ever it is for her.

The advice to reassess now that you are married is good advice: What are your real best priorities?

The advice to tell her to lump it just as well be from your divorce lawyer, because that's who you'll be listening to if you follow it.

Also, the point in calling is to reassure her that you are in fact able to be out with the guys and still think of her and worry about how she feels. I still expect my husband to call if he is delayed. As another poster said, it is a courtesy we give to one another. A word of warning, though: She'll see through it if you are not actually interested in what is going on with her. Being phony is another map to the divorce lawyer's office.

Answer 6

I act that way sometimes with my husband. It's not because I don't want him to go, I think it is just because I'm jealous because I don't think we spend enough time together- we actually NEVER do anything together because we have two kids so we are always busy with them. Are you spending enough time with her? Doing things together? I'm sure if she wanted to go to a bar, you'd want her to run it by you too- not really ask for permission but at least see if she minds or whatever. You're married... you share your life with someone so the considerate thing to do is let her know what you are doing. I think she's just feeling neglected or bored. Try taking her out on a date once a week if you are going to go out with your friends once a week. She may start backing off.... GOOD LUCK! =)

Answer 7

Umm... stay home?

LOL


Is there a specific reason why she can't go with you? Or, does she go out alone without you? My husband quit going out with friends when we had kids, but we would have couple dates and then just split up for a few hours ( guys on one side playing pool, gals on the other side dancing and talking) You wouldn't imagine what that does for your sex life.... Just watching them across the room, but not talking or touching, just giving each other looks, lol it's fun!

Other than not going out, or the obvious, just talking it out, I don't really know what to say. I think marriages should be give and take. So, while I don't think it is fair to say you have to call first, or have permission to go out, I don't think it's fair for you to go out if she has a valid reason for you not wanting to go out. I think there is a compromise in there somewhere, and ya just need to find it. GOOD LUCK!! I really hope this does not become a huge issue, as I know it can for a lot of people.

Answer 8

If she doesn't get any time to her self at all then she doesn't think that you should be able to.... suggest to her the night of the week that you go out.. see if she wants to go out with some of her friends and have a good time..... talking to you chick when there are a lot of loud nosies in the background isn't really good either specially if she hears a lot of people having a good time and yelling ..... try to go in a different area when talking to her like the bathroom or something..... i wish you luck i hope i helped

Answer 9

I don't know what to tell you, my bf goes to the bar, but he goes to get completely blank, its no fun trying to communicate with someone who isn't going to remember a damn thing anyway. Keep calling or send funny sexy corny text messages, make her laugh, guys don't do that enough sometimes. If you think she's worth her weight in diamonds then it will be easy, if she makes your life easier the rest of the 22 hours in a day, you can do this for her. Seems like a trust issue, evidently she's really been hurt.

Answer 10

Ask her to come along so she feels included and sees nothing is going on. If it is just you and the guys, most likely she'll be bored and forget it. As long as you are doing all of your responsibilities, you should be entitled to some time out. Maybe she's worried about the "bar scene". Could you just go to another guys house and drink? Maybe she's worried about you driving after...arrange a ride.

Answer 11

Are you spending time with her? Maybe you should take her out. SHe might be jealous of your friends and thinks that you consider them more important than her. She might also have a trust issue. Ask yourself, why? Try to find a solution based on that answer. How can you make her trust you again. If your friends are married or have girlfriends, why not double date? That way she can get to know them and trust them. Good luck.