When it comes to in-laws who's place is it to tell them off?

Question

If a inlaw is telling the kids what to do in your house Whos place is it to put them in their place? say its the husbands mother should the wife or the husband tell her to stay out of their busness?

Answer 1

Either and both...your a team now...play like one !

Answer 2

First, don't look at this as "telling them off". That's confrontational and you may end up with a situation that's tougher to manage.

I don't have kids so I'm an outsider when I say this but it seems to me the parent who witnesses the behavior is the one who should manage it.

Anything else is "tattling" and putting undue pressure on the other spouse. You're a team, a partnership, so work together on this.

You didn't ask how to approach the grandparents but you might consider asking them (away from the kids so they don't play you against the grandparents) to please leave the disciplining to mom and dad. You can say you assume they're making the comments to the kids out of loving concern but unless there's a dangerous situation where someone is about to be hurt, you'd prefer that they ASK the children to do something, and leave the instructions and discipline to you and your spouse.

Treat them as your allies without allowing them to call the shots (they've already raised their family, this one is yours). They may not always be your in-laws but they'll always be the kids' grandparents. Don't force anyone to take sides.

Good luck!

Answer 3

If the husband isn't around, or doesn't see the problem, then the wife should speak up. She doesn't have to 'tell anyone off' but rather firmly and politely set the boundaries. If that doesn't do the trick, then the husband should take his mom aside and let her know again, that while everyone appreciates the input, it's not her home, her rules, or her job to tell the child what do to....UNLESS it is in someway regarding how the child is interacting with the grandma. It is entirely up to the Grandma to make sure that the grandchild understands his or her boundaries with grandma, and grandma shouldn't have to put up with behavior that she thinks is inappropriate.

Answer 4

It's the husband's place to tell her the first time.

If, after that, she does the very same unwanted behavior again, at that point the wife may also correct her.

Just be sure it is something that you really want to do - and ask youself: Was the in-law right in what she was telling the kids? If not, was it that bad? How often is she really over at the house? If it's only occasionally, do you really want to creat bad feelings over an isolated event?

Answer 5

As long as its done politely either parent can let the grandparents of the child know what is or isn't done in their home or what they expect out of their child. In no way should either parent put the grandparent "in their place" in front of the children. It shows direct disrespect for the grandparents and elders. If there become issues, then the wife or husband should talk to their parents, not the in law.

Frankly, it sounds as though you mean well, but your attitude and tone are going to rub people the wrong way.

Answer 6

I would handle that situation with out telling anybody off! Be civil for Gods sake. I would probably just override what ever order was barked out in a calm manner, just stout enough for them to know who's boss. Only if the child wasn't doing something it shouldn't have been. Keep the peace. They will look at you with respect if you are more mature than they are!!!!!!!! Teach your child to have respect also and not to disobey there elders. That will take them a long way in life. Your husband or you shouldn't go off on anybody! What exactly was your child doing anyway? Maybe it was called for.

Answer 7

First the husband should because its his mom and his kid, if she doesn't listen then the wife should talk to her because it is her kid and her mom by marriage and you have the right to live your life how you want. Tell your mom that you are the parent and you know whats best for your kids. Tell her that she can give advice to the parents but you are the ultimate deciding choice in what goes on.

Answer 8

Both, I am sure this is the only way.
Try to be polite -- grandparents are great when you want to have a little time alone!
And, if it is possible, don't say anything in front of the kids, that would be too humiliating and would set a bad example for your kids (imagine, how they will talk to you twenty years from now...)

Answer 9

In my opinion if it is about your children respectfully you have a right to say what you need to say. I think that if it is pressing enough you should address the issue at the time. If you have waited all this time ask your mate how they feel about you addressing their parent. If this is the first time there is a need to discuss something then tread carefully and speak respectfully. Know that regardless as to who has the conversation you will still be confronted about the issue by default. Be honest about your feelings and address the issue.

Answer 10

Which ever 1 witnesses the problem..If anyone was messing with my kids I'd certainly open my mouth.If my husband heard or seen anything wrong, then of course he would take care of it.A parents job is to be there for the kids.Doesn't matter who it is...If they are out of line..tell them

Answer 11

If its your husbands mother then its his job. If there is a next time and you see that she's not listening to her son, then it is your house and your kids, and then its your turn.