its' gotten worse since i was honest with him!?

Question

this Q follows on from my previous one about me telling our mutual friend about our relationship problems.

i came clean with him and told him that I have been talking to her and I told her all our problems.

I lied at first saying no I didn't tell her.

I lied because I fear his bad temper and needed to buy myself time to "brace" for the persecution I was going to get. For 3 days he asked "have you told her anything?" I say no. Last night i worked up the courage to tell him I had, knowing to be honest was best.

According to him I'm the most vindictive evil B**** ever. He thinks i just want to turn people against him. he doesnt' get that women need to share their problems with friends, that's not a good enough excuse.

so he's angry that I've ruined his friendship with her and cos i lied about saying i spoke to her. he says we are finished cos of this.

this is the 1st wrong thing i've done and he's blown it out of proportion. hasn't he?

he doesn;t have a thing for this friend, she lives in another country and is in a happy committed relationship. they've never been attracted to each other, they used to be workmates around 8 yrs ago, then we've lived in different countries since.

Answer 1

Jeez, Sassy...the more I read your questions, the more I realize how much of a very similar situation we're in. I understand the persecution. I understand lying because you're afraid of the fight that's going to ensue. I understand being afraid to talk to anybody because if it gets back to him there's going to be major issues.

Unfortunately, I do think he's completely blowing it out of proportion. He's trying to appear like the good guy. He couldn't possibly be doing the things that you say he's doing! He's a great guy! He's the most wonderful husband in the world and you're the mindless creature that should be keeping her mouth shut and begging his forgiveness! THIS IS WHY I LEFT MY HUSBAND TOO!!! I know that it's hard. It feels like you have nowhere to turn and you're stuck in this situation with no way out...and a baby on the way to boot (don't forget, I just went through a pregnancy by myself too).

Honey, it's time to go. This cycle of abuse is not going to stop. It's his fault that his relationship with his friend is suffering...not yours. I'm just glad that she's not stupid enough to believe his lies. He's threatening you with being finished because of this. You're supposed to go to him now and beg his forgiveness. We both know that it's been finished for a long time and he's just trying to keep you under his thumb by making you apologize to keep the peace. Been there, done that.

I wish I could tell you that because I left, everything is peachy keen for me...you know by my questions that that's not true. But this guy is bad news. The longer you stay, the worse it's going to get.

I am praying for you, Sassy.

Answer 2

Most people have to tell someone when they're having problems. Why is he so mad that you told her?: He knows he was wrong and he's embarassed. Tell him your friend is not judgemental like that, you just needed a third party opinion. And if this is the 1st thing you've done wrong, how do you know about his temper? Tempers early on and for no good reason are dangerous.

Answer 3

Wow. This guy is a total control freak. Yes, you need friends that you can say anything to- and he does not have the right to grill you about what you say to your best friends. It sounds like he may have done something that he is ashamed of now. You should take a good look at this relationship, or you may be explaining every thought you have for a very long time.

Answer 4

Perhaps you shouldn't have told the friend but he shouldn't have the bad temper and persecute you to the extent that you need to confide in someone. If he is more concerned about what they think of him than you and the problems in the relationship, it is time to move on and find someone you can love and will love you without you having to worry about bad temper and persecution. You may think you love this man, and perhaps you do, but the love you get from someone who will love you in return instead of worrying about his image with others, will be far more and special once you get rid of this guy and move on.

Answer 5

Just because you talked to someone he is this mad...just think about if you really did something wrong because we both know talking to a friend is not wrong...maybe you should get out now...he seems to have a bad temper what will be do later or to your kids if you have any in the future...

Answer 6

Though telling a friend that wasn't mutual would have been the best idea, he is definitely blowing it way out of proportion. He needs to calm down and you need to find a friend that you can talk to that's not mutual.

Answer 7

It doesn't matter what you did or how many times you "screwed up" unless it cheating over and over and over again. There has to be someone somewhere he blows off his steam. Coworker, mother, bartender. someone.
Don't worry being a vindictive B**** isn't the worse thing in the world. He just doesn't need to shout it out loud

Answer 8

I agree women have to talk out feelings with someone. Men just keep things bottled up inside. Maybe he's embarrassed about the problems the two of you are having. I hope you can work things out with him.

Answer 9

a number of your declare is actual and different parts not. In all, the authorities has been getting worse considering FDR. He truly changed into the starting up of the decline of freedom and responsibility contained in the US. there have been some good presidents considering yet overall the authorities is making use of the US to break down.

Answer 10

good for him to leave let him leave.You don't need to be walking on egg shells for the rest of your life.You don't need to be afraid of anything or anyone. don't ever let him back in. He will try and tell you sorry but you know the routine he will always have a bad temper as long as you tolerate it. Get your self respect back and never let it go again. good luck