I'm so quiet and shy, that I can't even keep a conversation going?

Question

Job interviews are nightmares, I can't get hired because of it. I seize up and can't think or do anything....Also making new friends and talking to the opposite sex, that's just plain impossible for me. Sometimes I go through long bouts of moderate to severe depression, because of this reason.

I want a complete shy overhaul, I want to get rid of shyness and fear. Is it possible to completely change this and become comfortable, maybe even outgoing? How can I do this? HELP

Answer 1

Shyness may never go away completely but you can learn to feel more confident about yourself and speak more.

As far as jobs go, perhaps you need to find someone who doesn't require much of an interview first. Maybe your family, a friend, or a neighbor know someone they can recommend you to and get you hired. Once hired, you need to work hard and take pride in whatever the job is that you are doing. That will give you more confidence in your work ability.

If that is not possible then realize that everytime you interview you will feel more confident so the best thing to do is get out there and apply a lot, make sure you call them after a few days and let them know you are still interested until they ask you to interview or tell you the job has been filled already.

Before an interview with any company make sure that you know what the company does, how you will be a benefit to them, and what type of future you are hoping to have with them. Dress nice (even if people appear to be dressed down at the company), put on your makeup, practice that smile of yours in the mirror (telling yourself you are wonderful and worth it) and try to relax. Just remember that everyone has had interviews that didn't turn into a job and that it is only a job. There are others out there.

Find an interest or two and get more involved with them. Join a group or two. Always make it a point to say something to everyone that you run across even if it is only hello. Always smile when you speak to them, compliment something about them, and don't worry if they do not speak back or show interest for there is always next time. Learn to love yourself and realize all those important features about you that make you a person worth knowing.

The more you get out there and talk, the more you listen, the easier it will become to speak to others. Eventually, it will be simple although you might never be the head speaker in a crowd but not many of us are.

I'm extremely shy. I've learned that I have to overcome it and I feel happier once I put forth that effort.

I wish you well.

Answer 2

Sometimes you have to allow Little pauses to give shy people the chance to answer, if this doesn't work inviting them to tell you something about themselves is usually helpful, asking them what their favorite food is or something that requires more than a yes or no answer. Most people like talking about themselves. I do know what you mean though, I often end up babbling like an idiot, to fill the gaps, but if all else fails I point people in the direction of someone else and say something like, OH it's John, he loves cinema, lets go and see if he has seen anything good lately, or similar, and guide the shy person over, with three people there aren't so many gaps in the conversation and the shy person can stand and listen if that is how they are most comfortable. x

Answer 3

You can find your way out of this. It may take time and lots of correcting yourself, but that is okay. I know I am going through the same thing, where I felt so lost deep inside of myself that I could never get out, say the right thing, or do the right thing. But you do, and you will.

What I have learned to try to do is pretend I'm someone who's traits I really admire. It isn't a bad thing, it's just that you probably never really had a positive role model growing up? That was the case for me, and I never even knew the difference between good and bad, so, social stuff was totally akward for me, and I'm 22, sometimes it really still is but I feel SO much better, knowing even if u do or don't say the right things, that is really matter of a persons perception. No one has to agree with you, and you don't really have to agree with anyone else.

What you think and what you feel and have to say is important, just start small by talking to a few strangers every day, even just "Hey!" or "Hi" and smile or something. The friendlier u are the more people are going to dig you. So really the best thing u can do is be willing to put yourself out there, it starts with a smile and transform into something amazing, from what I can tell.

But yea, you can talk about Anything!!!!!! Anything at all. Most people are really open and willing to chat, and it's *their* problem if they don't know what to say about it then.....

Well, "good luck" and have fun ; ]

Answer 4

Dont feel discouraged because I and sooooo many other people have felt this way or still do. When I was younger I didnt know how to hold a phone conversation, with guys especially. I would just say "so whats up?" "thats cool" stuff like that. This all changed DRAMATICALLY when I started working at a gym. I was a front desk greeter and receptionist and I had to say hello and goodbye to every face that walked in and out of the door. At first I was sooooo shy and would say hi with the tiniest mouse voice. After a month or so I was YELLING BYE to people and making friends with the members and have made all of my current best friends from working there. You have to break out of your shell somehow. I am now very outgoing and I am able to make great conversations with my friends by talking about for example something that happened during my day that was funny or something weird I saw or heard at school. Youll get it one day i promise.

Answer 5

I know what you are going through. I was the same way myself.

here's how I solved it.

basically, you have to weigh your options. think about it : your life would probably, on balance, be better, if you were to talk to people more. people don't know you as much now... so if you talk to them, and you say something awkward, and blow it with that person, well... things won't change! you have the same status as before!

I suppose what I'm saying is simple : the only place you can go is up. I know it's hard to get started, but just say something once and a while... don't be scared of the repercussions. trust me... the shy people have it easy. once you get to be uber popular and you have to be concerned with everything.. well... it's more of a challenge then. but now... just try things out!

you don't know if you never try. so, throw your weight around.. see what the world is like. if you start talking to people, there is a good chance they will talk back! then it's only a matter of time. ok?

hope this helps!

Answer 6

I've had this problem. I had to change my outlook. Why was I scared to say something? It was because I was scared I would be wrong, say it wrong or otherwise make a fool out of myself. I also thought that no one wanted to hear what I had to say. I saw opportunities to talk to others at the grocery store, in a resturant, or any other place small and I began taking it. Take any small chance you can get to talk to people. Next, feel confident about what you are saying. You deserve to speak just like everyone else does. People want to hear you. Finally, I came to the conclusion that I only live once. I didn't want to be hindered by this all my life and die with regrets that I couldn't speak up. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

I can TOTALLY relate to you girl (except about the depression) the first thing you need to do is bring your confidence and security waaay up! You won't be able to accomplish the kind of social progress you want to if you're confident or scared. Confidence is the foundation, cuz if u don't have that, people really see it

one way to bring it up is to keep reminding yourself "alright im not gonna get that job if i don't really try to connect and be amicable w/ this person". give yourself positive motivation to initiate conversation and keep it going until you feel you've made a good impression

You know, the ability to converse comes naturally, i mean you converse fine with your family, right? It's just about being comfortable with the the person you're doing it with and being comfortable w/ yourself. Im 100% positive you're able to have a great conversation with anyone, all you need is confidence

Answer 8

Pls. read The Power Of Positive Thinking Dr. Norman Vincent Peale .Change your thinking change your life It Works It Did Go to guideposts its an inspiring web site . Also ask your doctor to find a therapist For you, 30 Years ago a co worker talked me into joining Lions Clubs. It helpedI have met so many nice people from all walks of life. It makes you fell great after you have helped some one go to lionsinternational look for club locator .Visit a club in you area I have walked in your shoes recovered worked for 50 years raised a family You can do it Ed Burnaby Canada feel free to email me

Answer 9

i was once confident...but then i went through a time in my life when there s a lot of depression going on in my head and around me. But if you are feeling insecure about something or dont feel like you have the confidence to talk to people.....there is a simple solution to your problems. Well first get friends that you can really trust and anywhere you go they go<<>>ohhh yeah && whenever you make first impressions intimidate your prey make them feel like you are the one that is in chargeALL THIS FRM A 14 YR. OLD GAY!!!!!! (hawiian) =)

Answer 10

try sigining up at temp agencies...they will find you work, temporary yes, but you'll develop confidence with the assignments they place you will....also, have a list of common questions...write them down, memorize them so when your in a social situation you know how to keep the conversation going....once you find an interest with that person you'll become more comfortable.