i need help?

Question

I have been with my husband for 4 years we have a child together. He is a ok guy doesn't go out does cheat on me doesn't abuse me but we don't get along. Our personalities don't mix we fight constantly and always talk about divorce. I love him but I can't live like this. My question is can you live with someone and not love them and just do it for the sake of the child?

Answer 1

It's never about personalities. It's always about ego. You fight because you both want to be right.

Try approaching things with non critical questions that include both of you, like "What can we do to have more fun together?"

Don't just stick it out, make it great!

Answer 2

You actually have to work at getting along with each other - thats what marriage is all about. It isn't entirely wonderful to be stuck in a house with someone who annoys you quite a bit but I found that buying my husband a very large TV and an Xbox was the very dab. He is busy most of the evening and I can enjoy my pursuits quietly! He comes into the kitchen where I like to sit and makes coffee and has a cuddle and then saunters off to play again happy as a sandboy. We fight like cat and dog a lot but love and marriage means working through all that. You must learn to adjust to each other. You got married for a reason and that hasn't gone anywhere. You made a responsible commitment to marriage and children - both of you must live up to that and not be namby pamby. Get down to serious talking. Tell him you love him. Work around the personality clashes - its probably a few months of hurtful nonsense that has got you to this stage. Draw a line there and move onto the next phase. You do want to or you wouldn't have posted a question! Good luck.

Answer 3

Firstly staying in an unhappy relationship is ultimately unfair on the child. However well you mask up your unhappy relationship the child will take the way you interact with your Husband as a que for all relationships in his/hers life.

Sometimes you love someone just because you have to, it sounds to me that your holding on to the love that you must have once held for your partner as a reason to stay as the alternative- to leave- is a very uncertain and scary option.

However it's up to you how you deal with this. There is the old cliche "you only live once", but it is true. You don't want to live like this, so don't. Split up. Whatever happens, you could realise after some time apart how much you love each other or see how much your not right for each other, its a move forwards. To be stagnant is not good for your own health or your child's health and future happiness. Make a move! I think you already have by posting this question on here! Best of luck for the future

Answer 4

You can, but it's very hard.

I married my husband 15 years ago and we fight constantly. It's not easy to live with each other, but we try, and we love our child. Actually, it's the one thing we agree on-- how to bring him up. And even though we fight a lot, we try not to do it in front of him. And the most important thing of all-- don't use the child as fodder.

I guess the difference between my situation and yours is that I do still love my husband, hard as it is to do that sometimes, and he loves me. Deep down, we know we belong together for some reason.

I don't think you could live together for the sake of the child, if you didn't love his dad.

Answer 5

In the long run your only hurting the child. When they see all the yelling or arguing it's only hurting their little minds. I mean I have been married for 16 years and I love him, but not in love with him. It's not an easy choice for me I mean I want to leave cause I'm not happy, but at the same time I'm scared to !! My husband is a good guy as far as it goes working, but that's just IT ! ! He doesn't pay me no attention, he works, come home and takes a shower, eats, and then lays in the bed !! It really gets boring ! ! You can love someone and not be loved in return and there is no such thing as for the childs sake, you have to make the situation better for you and your child ! !

Good Luck !!

Answer 6

You could just live together for the sake of the child...but is it really all that much better than being divorced? Don't you think kids can sense that kind of stuff? Besides, who would want to live like that?? Better to go your separate ways and find people that can really compliment your personalities but also be outstanding parents at the same time...

Answer 7

I'm confused because you said you loved him then asked if you can live with someone you don't love. If you do love him and want things to work, maybe marriage counseling would be a good idea. If you truely don't love him, then I don't think it's good to stay together for the child. I grew up in a home with parents fighting constantly and it really hurt me growing up. Sometimes it's better for the child if the parents are not together because the environment they grow up in could be healthier.

Answer 8

Not without cheating all three of you out of a full life. Two parents is the optimal choice, but teaching your child resentment and not giving them a role model of a healthy relationship for their future isn't really fair. I think you should seek out some couples counseling before making a major decision though. Church's are a good place to look for free counseling, if money is an issue. Good luck. Life is hard and constantly changing. Always try to look for the positive.

Answer 9

Yes you can live with someone for the sake of the child. You love your child then just live with him. Just think about that you are not the only one out there who is facing this problem there are alot of women around this world who are only living with there husbands just because of their Children. Your child future is in your hand. Try to get a long with your husband. I hope it works out. May GOD give you happiness

Answer 10

Your biggest problem is that you both bring up the DIVORCE thing. That is a big no no. Try talking it out with patience and understanding, it may be that you aren't communicating very well on a day to day basis. When you use that D word you are saying that your marriage isn't worth continuing or trying to fix. Compromise with each other and try to say at least one positive thing to each other daily. And when you are upset and the tension is getting explosive, take a time out. Go into separate rooms and calm down and return to each other when you can talk like rational adults.

Answer 11

Your answer is yes... Did it for a long time... But in hindsight, it is actually worse for the child. They see you arguing, fighting, NOT LOVING, which is wrong. Aside from that, Don't punish yourself for having a child. Take care of yourself and you will be in a much better place to take care of the child. If your happy, your child will see that, If your not, you can't hide it. And your child will see that. If we are supposed to set examples for our children, should we demonstrate how to live in a disfunctional relationship? Never... Life is tough enough. Remember it is always our own choice to suffer.