2007-10-12 10:32:04 · 50 answers · asked by ~~~Tara~~~ 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
LOL! Ohmigosh this is so funny LOL!
2007-10-12 10:35:20 · update #1
thats funny you dont smell like bacon
2007-10-12 10:34:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
5) Are You Andy or Barney?
6) I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer
7) You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8) I pay your salary!
9) Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10) Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11) I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
13) What? You need a license to drive?
16) Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk
20) A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind
21) Did you pull me over because of the drugs under the seat, the body in the trunk, or the burned out tail-light?
22) Whoops, that's the fake one... here ya go, this is the one.
23) Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence
27) Hey, is that a 9mm ? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!
28) Do you have any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?
29) You're lucky this car needs a tune-up or you'd have never caught me
30) In California we drive like that all the time, what's the problem?
31) If you'd try the stuff I just had, you wouldn't be so damn uptight
37) There's no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.
39) That uniform makes your *** look really big.
40) You don't happen to have any beer in your car?
42) So what if I was speeding? Whatcha gonna do about it Mr. Hotshot?
45) Its tobacco, honest
46) Hey, i bet i can grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket!
2007-10-12 10:36:13 · answer #2 · answered by puurplemooose 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
Is it true that guys become cops because they can't work at McDonald's ?
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
If you'd try the stuff I just had, you wouldn't be so damn uptight.
Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
What? You need a license to drive?
Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
Can you come back in 5 minutes? I'm in the middle of a telephone conversation.
Do I have any fruits or vegetables? I don't know. Is cocaine a fruit or vegetable?
A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind.
Did you pull me over because of the drugs under the seat, the body in the trunk, or the burned out tail-light?
Whoops, that's the fake one... here ya go, this is the one.
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
Thanks Officer, that last cop only gave me a warning, too.
My gun fell off my lap and got lodged on the gas pedal.
Hey, is that a 9mm ? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!
Do you have any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?
You're lucky this car needs a tune-up or you'd have never caught me.
In California we drive like that all the time, what's the problem?
Aren't there real crooks somewhere you should be catching?
Well, those two other guys didn't stop for that school bus either.
Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought you going to get a doughnut.
Just had to try out that new siren, didn't you?
Do you have any idea who you're talking to?
There's no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.
What's wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I'm not God! And really, there is no blood in my alchohol.
That uniform makes your *** look really big.
You don't happen to have any beer in your car?
I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
So what if I was speeding? Whatcha gonna do about it Mr. Hotshot?
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LMFAO! XD
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Check this story.
Speeding
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see... Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes, 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps opens the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Oh my God!! And I bet the lying bastard also told you I was speeding!
2007-10-12 10:35:20 · answer #3 · answered by Stunna 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Got change for a $100?
Is that a donut in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?
How's your quota looking this month?
You don't want to look in the trunk, do you?
Have you ever had to shoot anyone before?
Your tail light is out too.
This isn't my car.
I'm not drunk, I'm just stoned.
Even though your name's not Richard, can I call you Dick?
Your wife told me you'd be working tonight.
2007-10-12 10:44:54 · answer #4 · answered by righteousjohnson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry:
I'm NOT drunk,
The kid in the back of the car is NOT getting kidnapped,
This is NOT a stolen car,
There is nothing in the back trunk,
There are no drugs in here...
And I really didn't rob a store.
2007-10-12 10:35:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Can you turn the siren off your going to wake up the girl thats passed out in my trunk.
2007-10-12 10:34:22 · answer #6 · answered by staymay 7 · 8⤊ 0⤋
you look kind a fat you been eaten those daughnuts again i bet you are
in a very condesending voice they'll hawl your *** to jail for driving with i glitching blinker (NO JOKE DO NOT RECOMEND)
2007-10-12 10:44:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You look like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriends bed
2007-10-12 10:34:49 · answer #8 · answered by mdinkins7024 4 · 8⤊ 0⤋
Is that a pistol in your pants or are you happy to see me?
Im sorry I was swerving officer...my beer spilled and I was reaching down to pick it up.
2007-10-12 10:35:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think my Uncle said this once, but I think he got off the hook.
"What seems to be the problem, officer?"
2007-10-12 10:35:05 · answer #10 · answered by ♥MsCullen♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋