divorce? I got involved with him 3 yrs ago, he told me he was already divorced, with no kids. I found out 3 mos later that he had a5 yr. old daughter with his ex, then 2mos after that, found out he was still married to her. I accepted it, continued the relationship, from that point on, his ex has been unbearable. Talking bad about me to their daughter, not allowing him to pickup his daghter if i was with him in my own car so on and so on. As you can guess he left her and she wants him back. We broke up for 2 weeks in July but we were still hanging out.One day while we were together, his ex calls me saying that he was back with her (during this split) and they were trying to work it out, and that he was just making sure I was "set up" and ok, thats why he had been hanging out with me while we were split. When I askedhim about this, he said he was just trying to sweet talk her into finally signing the divorce papers, cause she had been prolonging it for over 2 yrs.What do you think?
2007-10-12 09:34:58 · 14 answers · asked by dnk0717 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Usually I hate situations that give women empowerment to male bash. Mostly because there are good ones out there, just aren't the ones picked, but that's another soap box.
I personlly thing that this sound very suspect. I understand his situation and can see how women play games using kids and so on. She probably even left him and wanted nothing to do with him until he had you. Even so, and more especially because of that, why wasn't he up front with you from day one. He's been busted on two major items already, but you continued to date him any ways. So is it his fault that he has two women running around in circles after him. No.
The moment you found out he was married, you should have bounced and said "If you REALLY want me, hit me up when you're 100% divorced". Because even if he is the real deal and you two are meant to be, you are inviting yourself to drama and if you like it that much, enroll on to Jerry Springer. You could get a free motel stay out of it. From what I hear, they are nice hotels too.
Two, he was hiding his daughter. I have a 13 year old daughter. I haven't been with her mama since before my daughter was born. Never ONCE have I told a woman I don't have kids. Because if I plan on being with her for a while then she's going to end up meeting her. No if it were a one night thing, chances are, the conversation never even went there, but if asked, I won't deny her.
Also, during this two week period that you were split and this other chic was calling you, do you think that she didn't work her way in to his pants. Yes it was while you were apart, but still... If not, she wouldn't have called. Even if he was just stickin and moving to make her happy to sign the papers.
Point being if you have a bad dude, one, you've picked him.. That's fine, because everyone makes mistakes... but more importanly you are staying with him and keeping him around as a friend. Then something will happen, you two will split in a nasty way, then you'll hate all men because we all suck. Not to mention you actually find a good dude after that and treat him any ol' way because dudes suck. And the whole time, who could have prevented all of that from happening? YOU.
Look at your situation as if it was one of your girlfriends, not you.. What would you tell her to do? There you go.
2007-10-12 10:14:44 · answer #1 · answered by phukme69style 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
lose this guy fast. First, if he played that game on his ex, he will play it on you as well. The fact that he said he was divorced and had no kids reminds me of Scot Peterson and you know how that turned out. His may be waiting for her to sign the papers but he must be giving her at least a little hope he will come back or she would have signed them.
His ex has been unbearable because you are intruding upon their marriage, whether you meant to or not and he may well - and probably is - using you as a weapon against her.
when a person gets a divorce, there should be a period of time before entering into another relationship but this guy is overlapping his! You can and should do better than that!!
Tell him to come back and see you a few months after the divorce is over, that you don't want to be in the middle of that, and to bring his divorce papers with him. the fact that he asked you to marry him while still married to her is a sign that he is a loser and will only drag you down to his level if you stay with him
2007-10-12 09:49:57 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think he has been lying to you from the beginning and is still lying to you and her also. As much as I can understand how you at first involved yourself with him thinking he was not married and that he had no children. For him to even lie about this says much about his character. And for you to forgive him says much about how you were desperate to be with him by avoiding this obvious flaw in his character. I get the feeling your life with him will be full of lies and deceit and drama. He now has cheated on you while you both were separated and he lies about this also. He is playing the both of you and you both women are foolish enough to fight over this jerk as if he were some prize to have. If I were you I would hand him over to his wife and let her now she can have him. But somehow I feel you will not do this. Best wishes to you anyway.
2007-10-12 09:56:36 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
my bf is going through a divorce also so i feel your pain...although i'd question why he is lying? how did she get your number in the first place? my bf has never put me in the middle and in fact i don't know much about it bc he doesn't want to drag me in it. if he was serious about you and respected you he would have done the same...not get you involved!!! take a break and get things figured out. i've taken a break going on 2 weeks now. i tols my bf to call when the divorce was final bc it was too much for me and i certainly had nothing to do with it in the first place!
2007-10-12 09:47:42 · answer #4 · answered by Jax 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She isn't is "ex" until there is a final decree of divorce. YOU on the other hand are a whore because you're involved with a married man and you have chosen to maintain this type of relationship. She has every right to keep her marriage...she's NOT divorced yet...You are the one in the wrong place at the wrong time...that isn't his WIFE'S fault that is YOUR fault. You're a whore...that's all there is to it.
2007-10-12 10:51:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like something you will be ending today right? Nooo way if he is still not divorced then he is not with you totally and that is not fair to you my dear. Its over there is no point in even talking about it. Or you can maybe turn this around to benefit you financially, emotionally and however else you benefit from the relationship now.
2007-10-12 09:53:22 · answer #6 · answered by Angie baby 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well my question is after finding out that he had lied to you about him being married still and having a child with her dont you think that should be the flashing red light...please hun leave him and let him be with his family...dont get in the middle of it all...sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too...life is so important and they have a beautiful child together and that child is stuck in the middle...someone needs to be the adult here and stop all this nonsense can you imagine what its like for that little girl growing up seeing mommy cry and yell all the time and daddy coming and going as he pleases...what kind of family life is she learning here??? none! be the adult and walk away...find someone who is single and not attached...if he lied to you about this what else has he lied to you about...it will be hard at first but you are strong and can get over it...just let him go.
2007-10-12 09:52:24 · answer #7 · answered by tinker143 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your man is a loser. if he really wanted a divorce he doesn't need her signature to do it. in most states he can run an ad in the local area paper stating that he wnats a divorce. if she doesn't respond in x amount of time then it's final. check with local divorce attornies in your hometown to be sure. but i'd get rid him and not even worry about it. who needs the baggage?
2007-10-12 09:47:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you deserve much better and can't figure out why you are hanging on to this man who doesn't respect you enough to make your relationship legal and committed. I'd leave his butt high and dry and find me a man who's not a liar!
2007-10-12 09:56:42 · answer #9 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
in my state, he could get a divorce without her signature. the sheriff would serve the papers and the issues would be resolved by attorneys or a judge.
he is a loser, a user and a liar...both you and she should dump him.
2007-10-12 09:51:55 · answer #10 · answered by martinmagini 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋