I am not sure if i really want to ask this as i don't like being told i am wrong but please tell me if you think i am mad! I have been with my husband 9 and a half years. Both our children where planned by me only and the second i got pregnant and then we split. We then got back together and made a go and split again when my second was 18 months. We then decided to make a go again and i expressed to him that i wish we had planned our pregnancies together. So this time.... we have planned and today 10 weeks after we got back together -the test was positive. Now though, things are not looking great between us again! I don't know where the hell i am.. i want children and as many as possible but only with the same man. Any advice- NO SARCASM PLEASE.
2007-10-12 09:19:44 · 12 answers · asked by AnneShirley03-03-07 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Please note- this question is NOT asking if i should abort my baby!!!!! I WOULD NEVER NEVER do this. I am completley against it and it is NOT an option. The baby will not be a problem...the way of life may well be.
2007-10-12 09:39:12 · update #1
if we split it is because.... ooo this is too hard, i am sure you don't want my marriage history.... but trying to give you a general idea... we don't see eye to eye. He is very much happy with the "go down the pub" life and i like the finer things, art, crafts theatre etc. But whe we got back together, or when we thought about i told him he would eventually resent me for stopping him drinking. He promised me he wouldn't... weeks hav gone by and all his little traits are slipping back in...little by little and there doesn't seem to be anything left. I have a feeling he only agreed to the planned pregnancy because it was his chance of a way back in? Now he feels because i have "got my own way" he can punnish me by returning to his old ways-mind games again.
2007-10-12 09:47:12 · update #2
I know how you feel when you say you want many children, but only by the same man. Many women are frown upon when they have children by diffrent men. I think you should go ahead and have this one, but you 2 need to end things for good! If not your only going to make things worse for your children. Than you need to go out there, find someone you really love and that gives you that same devotion and love you give to him, and if you want more children than damn everyone else and what they think! You go ahead and do what your heart tells you 2! good luck! And remember you only get one life to live! So live it till its gone!
2007-10-12 09:28:14 · answer #1 · answered by lolabunny 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what to say to you; you may be the kind of couple who thrive on break-ups...but this kind of life , reconciling and breaking up again can't be good for any of you, especially the kids
Finding you are pregnant again, even though it was planned, and then also finding you are not getting on, is a recipe for disaster. A baby will not repair your relationship - it only postpones the eventual heartbreak. my ex and I had a fourth (planned) baby, we were foolish to think a baby would make everything all right, it didn't. we split, finally, when no. 4 was two years old.
If you want lots of children with your man, you are both going to have to sort out what you want and expect from each other - and they are not the same thing! A big family needs two committed parents to give stability.
I don't know where you go from here, because you will need a lot of love and support as your pregnancy continues; and are you totally sure your man can give you that?
2007-10-12 09:36:17 · answer #2 · answered by marie m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the details of your relationship on what you mean by things are not looking great again. But I do know that staying together for the kids is NOT the way to go. I did that and I had a terrible marriage. I was abused in every way, daily. But I stayed because I thought it was good for the kids. But my kids witnessed a lot of this and even brought into it after a while. That was the wake up call for me, and I got my kids and myself the hell out of there. Bottom line is: what isn't so great between you guys? Do you just argue a lot? Is there abuse? Is there lies and no trust? What? And for goodness sake, do not stay together for the kids. It is not only unhealthy for you but also bad on the kids involved as well.
2007-10-12 09:28:39 · answer #3 · answered by miss_tara_joy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am guessing that it wasn't mutual that you split the first 2 times and if he is leaving you love there is little you can do to stop it. many men feel threatened by children, they feel the children come between them and their wife. they cannot cope with the competition and end up leaving because they feel the wife spends more time and love with the children and not with them. its a common thing and the only thing you can do is try to counteract that by giving him lots of time and attention which is very hard when you are tired after a long day with the children. no one can tell you what to do you must make the decision on your own. but i suspect that in the end it is your husband that will make the decisions.
edit have you considered marriage counselling, it sounds to me after your edit like you both want this to work and maybe they can help both of you realise where you need to make changes.
2007-10-12 09:34:04 · answer #4 · answered by sabrina 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you been to any kind of counseling? Even good marriages get rocked by the birth of children - it's a lot of strain, along with all the joy.
After 9.5 years and three kids, you've got *something* keeping you together.
Marriage counseling really does help - been there, done that, still married because of it.
Hang in there.
2007-10-12 09:27:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What would be the alternative?? to abort it?? Look at your children you have now and tell me you could honestly do that.... besides, you WANTED it.... that makes it even worse. I would say, take responsibility(regardless of your age) for your actions and keep the baby that you wanted. You already have children from this man, so if you want children from the same man... there ya go! if it's not him, well, your already SOL on that one.
2007-10-12 09:31:55 · answer #6 · answered by babymama. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think you're crazy. But, raising children with a man you are not happy with is not good for any of you. Raising children by yourself is not easy. I did it with one for five years before I married my husband that I'm married to now. Seriously think of how having children with a man you may not stay with may affect the kids.
2007-10-12 09:29:41 · answer #7 · answered by lnrosy2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear where you are coming from and agree with you BUT if this man is not making you happy, and by default thats not going to make your children happy, you need to think very seriously about your relationship and only you can decide that. Good luck.
2007-10-12 09:23:39 · answer #8 · answered by Sal*UK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry your placed in that sticky situation. All i can say is , Dont stay with him Just for the kids , it hurts the kids in the long run. An know that Single women raise kids alone all the time , Your a strong woman you can do it by yourself if you need to.
2007-10-12 09:28:31 · answer #9 · answered by lilredhead 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give it time and see how it works out but dont stay together unless you both want to.
hope all goes well for you and best of luck with no. 3
i understand you wanting lots of children but dont if your not happy with your husband and dont see a future together.
2007-10-12 09:29:15 · answer #10 · answered by carla 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋