What's wrong with me?

Question

I'm a stay home mom. I have 3 kids, 2 in school, the other is home with me. My problem is this...I cannot motivate myself to do anything. There's plenty of house work that needs to be done, I just can't seem to get the drive to get it done in the early hours and then I end up rushing around right before time for my husband to get in. I'm up at 4:30 every morning and I don't go to bed til 11 or later. I don't do much house work in the evenings because that's our family time. Does anyone have ideas or suggestions on what I can do to get that extra UMPH? Oh...and FYI, it's not like we're living in filth because I don't much. I do the basics, dishes, laundry, stuff like that, on a daily basis..it's just all the extra things like scrubbing floors, curtains that need new rods, closests that need cleaned out...those kinds of things.

Answer 1

Good Morning: treat yourself with Love- I have been exactly where you are! There is really nothing "wrong" with you- YOU are just a Sidetracked Home Executive.com - Peggy and Pam are delightful sisters and they explain things well- Sandra Feldon does also: (these are people that have been where YOU are...) and have gotten into routines that help-

Really: check these People out! and see FlyLady.net.

1) baby step things- and don't beat yourself up!

2) For daily inspiration try Flylady.net- HER cleaning methods are done in 15 minutes at a time-

This July I had company coming in two weeks and I could NOT get off my fanny: I just did not care. I was on OVERWHELM- I could not figure out what to do next and so I did nothing- FlyLady really helped me babystep it- My house was not perfect- I still had unpacked boxes in the family room but my kitchen, baths and bedrooms were clean- and all survived- even me-
Remember-YOU are not the problem - you are an answer-YOU are a loving creative mom and Wife and you are a S.H.E. Blessings- MM
PS- check out the House Fairy- by Pam and Peggy- great for getting kids to help out- Yeah!!!

Answer 2

Try this way , Pick only 1 room to clean at a time , or one thing. Set your alarm clock to go off in 15 -20 min´s time . you will be surprised as to how much you can do in such a short space of time. Never waste time taking things back to their rightful places until you have finished , leave them outside the room you are working in. Once the alarm sounds sit down and have a rest , but if you would like to carry on , then do the same again 15 -20 min´s more on the clock. It´s a hard job being a mother and housewife . 15 min´s here and there will make a big difference to you . And the GOLDEN rule is , no matter how little housework you do in the day always reward yourself. Also if you put your washing machine on at night before going to bed or if it works on an automatic timer . Your clothes will be ready to hang first thing in the morning , If you spend 10 - 15 min´s cleaning a little in the bathroom at night all the less to do next day .

Answer 3

Sounds like you have the blahs, and I'm sure it happens to lots of stay at home parents. It can seem thankless, and it is repetitious, and it is hard hard work to manage the household. It's no wonder you are not motivated sometimes, even for a long time, even if you know in your head that your family appreciates and loves you.

First things first. Carve out some time and a special area for yourself. Once dad gets home, you should be able to duck out of the scene for at least a half hour every day and do something totally for yourself. Maybe it is a self-care thing like a facial or doing your nails, or going to have them done. Maybe it is a trip to the coffee shop. Maybe it is locking yourself in the bathroom for a hot shower. Maybe it is recording your fav tv show and watching it during this time. There is always reading, devotions, exercise, or meditation...helps a lot of moms feel better physically and spiritually.

If you aren't doing something just for you, just because, every day, you aren't doing the most for your family. If it helps, there is a comparison to a car...you depend on it to do all these things. But if you don't take the time to put gas in it, the car is useless. So take the time to fill your own tank first.

Next on your priorities is to make sure your marriage is rock solid. As a team, you can raise your children better. I say this even if the house is mainly your job. You need to make sure that you and your hub are on the same side. That means that in addition to carving out time for yourself alone, you need to make time as a couple. Doesn't matter how long, but it needs to happen often. Getting together every day for a little romance, and some solid communication will let you both in on how the other is doing, how you can support each other, and it reminds each of you that you are part of a bigger picture.

OK after the touchy feely attitude stuff, you will probably find yourself more motivated. But remember too, that you don't always have to want to do what is on the list. You can do it anyway? There is a whole lot of empowerment that comes from overcoming your hurtles.

It may help you to design some routines for yourself. A couple of the more important reasons:

Listing what you want to get done, and then doing it a certain way at a certain time, makes your chores very finite. It won't be open ended anymore. When you are goofing off with the kids, or relaxing on your own, you won't have things nagging you.

You won't really have to think about whether or not a job needs doing. Think about all that once, when you put together your schedule. Of course you will revisit from time to time, and change things, and also things will come up. But more often, you can just kind of breeze through your list without the agony of motivating yourself, or talking yourself out of the task until it is worse and more difficult to do.

Here's a thought...family time can include things like housework. Kids can learn a lot of basic academic skills while doing chores, not to mention more important things like work ethic, teamwork, and responsibility, self-respect...and the chores themselves (how to be more independent).

One trick you might try, if you don't want a formal schedule, is when you notice that something needs done...write it on a list. Every day, at a time when you are energized, go through your list and do three things on it.

A huge help to most families is to go through the house, simplifying, decluttering, and streamlining your spaces so that it is easy to clean. Maybe carpet in the kitchen is a bad idea. Maybe your cleaning bucket has too many products in it. Maybe you need a better vacuum or mop. Maybe you don't need three rods of clothes per person (wardrobe equals laundry). Maybe you can rotate your dust catching decorations.

Do you get enough sleep? Fatigue can sap your motivation.

Answer 4

Who says anything is wrong with you? Stop beating yourself up. If you are doing "the basics" sounds like your family is fed, clothed, and has a fairly clean environment. People who are motivated to do the other things usually derive their motivation from some sort of pleasure in seeing them done. Maybe this is just "not your thing".

Not everyone who is a stay-at-home Mom can find all their creative needs met in the frills of housekeeping. Give yourself permission to have a less than perfect house and pursue what interests you. You may find that kids and hubby both get something out of having a more content/fulfilled you around.

Answer 5

Why get up at 4.30am? You must have a reason, but an extra hour in bed might give you more energy. Also, the chores you are talking about can hardly be done whilst the rest of the family are in bed. If you have two school age children and a husband,do your 'extra' housework on a Saturday when they can help you. Take it from me, there's more to life than housework, enjoy yourself, have fun, you're young so don't be old before your time by beating yourself up about cleaning, dusting and scrubbing. It'll still be there when you're sixty!

Answer 6

You need more sleep! What you need is incentive and to see how good it feel to make progress. Watch one of those clean house shows like Clean Sweep. I feel like throwing everything away after I watch that.

A good night's sleep, unplugging the phone, leaving the TV off, and Starbucks are good places to start.

Go around and make a list of things you need, including measurements, for new curtain rods, venetian blinds, lightbulbs out, etc and pick those up. You can knock that off the list in one day.

I'm a person with my feet firmly planted in reality. Chances of dusting, scrubbing every floor, bathtub, window, etc. and having it done all at one time are slim and none. Come off $100 and pay someone to get it done and over with, then you've got a snowball's chance of staying on top of it.

As far as closets, you just gotta pick one at a time and sort, throw out, and rehome things.

Answer 7

Sounds like you don't enjoy cleaning. Its pretty hard to motivate yourself to do something that you don't want to do. So why worry? If your happy with it then its fine. Try getting a good book to read or taking an open university course in something you enjoy. It might not get the rods replaced on curtains but it will give you a sense of achievement because the days not been a write off. Anyhow, who actually cares if your cupboards are clean or not?

Answer 8

You need to get to bed earlier if your waking up at 4:30 and going to sleep at 11. Try taking a nap when your little one is napping. Just do one thing a day that you dread to do and by the end of the week it should be done. Good luck!

Answer 9

I know this feeling. What I do is I focus on one room only. I only do what needs to be done in that room. When I'm finished it feels like I've accomplished something. Then, I go to the next room. It doesn't have to be all done in one day. Do one room. Then do the next room in a couple days unless you're on a roll and want to accomplish all at once. I usually scan it out over a period of time. I find when you focus on one room it doesn't seem so overwhelming as cleaning whole entire house at once. Which reminds me, I need to listen to my own advice and start cleaning, lol!

Answer 10

What I like to do is set a goal.That may be to get a room done a day or to get the dusting done etc.I choose one extra thing on top of the regular stuff each day and at least try and get it done.I usually do this extra thing while my youngest is taking her nap or watching her movie.I find that turning on music works really well also.