2007-10-12 08:23:47 · 36 answers · asked by lucy diamond 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Depends on the mother. But it is your choice.
We didn't want anyone in the room. But, things starting moving and we loved having the extra people there. My sister in law and mother in law were both in there. Just tell him the more people that are there the less work he has to do. like fanning you off, giving you water, toweling off your face, and cheering you on.
Good luck
2007-10-12 08:29:50 · answer #1 · answered by Ashley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on your husband's reasons why. It could be that he wants to it just to be you two to share in this great and awesome experience. In that case it could almost be selfish of you to insist on it.
If it's because he doesn't get along with your mother...or she's too intrusive...it could be that he's thinking that since you both will be under a ton of stress during labor and delivery (especially if you go natural) that he's thinking she might add to it if she's there.
Now as a side note...there are things you can do so that both of you get your way (and make sure that it's really YOU wanting her there and not just her insisting on being there) Labor usually lasts for a number of hours and there will be times that your husband will need a break (to potty, eat...get some air etc) you can have your mother be in the waiting room and she can keep you company when he leaves the room. That way mom is there for you...and hubby isn't forced to be with her the ENTIRE time. Besides he might find that he's going to need someone else to be there in case it gets too much for him.
I invited my mom, mother-in-law and husband into the labor room...BUT only my husband was going to be there during the delivery. I didn't want everybody (but the medical staff) to see my private parts (I don't care if they have them or not) My MIL was so 'determined' to be there to see the baby come out...that she poked her head in the room while I was pushing. Not only did it make me mad that she didn't respect my wishes, but I was mortified at the same time because I'm a very private person... PLUS it set a precedent that she could do whatever she wanted regardless of what we thought. It's strained our relationship with her and now we all barely talk. I'm not saying the same will happen.....but mothers can DEFINITEY get in the way of a marriage.
You and your husband should discuss this at length without accusations flying. Find out his reasons...and state your's as well. If you are merely trying to keep the peace with your own mom...well she's gonna have to understand that you're married now and your husband should come first. (you would insist on the same from your husband)
Good luck.
2007-10-12 08:43:08 · answer #2 · answered by Miss Sunshine 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not selfish. This isn't ALL about the baby. This is going to BE THE MOST PAINFUL experience in your life and you need at least two people there for you. That you are comfortable with! Your hubby may freak out and leave you hanging. He may need to grab some food or go potty. And you need to know that there is a back up person there FOR YOU!!!!
Yes he's the day and you two should agree on this SO you should talk to him about this and tell him it is important for you to be comfortable and having your mother there will help you. The more relaxed you are the easier your labor will be! And the safest your baby will be!!!!
I told my hubby this and he was ok with it! My mom was a BIG help to him as the couch especially as things got farther along. He was very tired. And she couched him couching me when I was yelling and hating him!!!! She also had to answer questions about how her labor was!! We had my mom there for the labor and planned on her leaving for push time... but she was bothering me sooner and the nurse made he leave cause that was what I wanted!!!!
When the hubby can deal with the pain he can have all the say in who's there!!! Since your the one doing EVERYTHING you have like 100% of the say. The hospital will be looking out for MOM and BABY NOT DAD.
Many years ago, mothers where the ones who went in with the mom2be not daddy!!
But it would be nice to agree!! you will have lots of decisions ahead of you for the next 18 PLUS years!!!
2007-10-12 09:04:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this is a special time and should be reserved for a woman and her partner only; of course there are circumstances like if the woman has no partner where her having her mother in the room during delivery makes perfect sense. Otherwise, all family members should respect the fact that delivery is something that should be experienced by two partners only. Ultimately it is up to them and no one else.
2007-10-12 08:40:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all, i think that the birth of your baby is most special and should be between you and your husband, your husband will feel like a spare part if your mum is in the delivery room with you, i say this with experiance as my mum was with me and my husband for the homebirth of my second baby and i never lived it down afterwards,, my husband got his nose put out and my mum got in the way. He is the babys dad and the labour and delivery and being by your side and being there when his son/daughter comes into this world will mean the most to him and is all part of bonding with his baby.
2007-10-12 08:35:56 · answer #5 · answered by katm 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Umm I don't know if i would call it selfish (it really depends on his reason). I think it should be mainly your decision, since it's your body that is being exposed and you are the one who will need the most support. BUT, I think his opinion is important and needs to be taken into consideration. If he doesn't have a good reason to not want her there, then it would be most loving for him to give his approval. But, perhaps there is a good reason. Maybe he feels like he won't get to do his job as your husband if you mom is there - does she respect his role as husband usually? I think that if you haven't already done so, you should give his a chance to explain before you decide that he's being selfish.
2007-10-12 08:30:04 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs.P 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you should take into account your husband's feelings. He's going to be ther with you, so why exactly do you feel the need to have your mother in there with you? for support or what??
just think.. what if it was HIM laying there and wanted his mom and you said 'heck no.. this is our baby.. our time with him'... he probably wants this to be a special thing between the two of you and the baby!!
besides... i had so many ppl in the delivery room.. i was embarassed half the time.
2007-10-12 08:29:56 · answer #7 · answered by *DiZzLe* 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know - I am kind of in the same boat as you. When my first child was born, we lived three states away from our families so there was no option - it was him and me in the labor room. It was a very nice experience overall, and so now that we live close to our families again, and out second baby is due in December, he does not want my mom in with us. I have mixed feelings about it myself, but I do feel like it should be my choice, not his. I think if it will make things less stressful for YOU to have your mom around, than that should be all that matters. However, if your mom will create chaos, than it is fair for him to ask for it to be just the two of you. Whatever happens, your mom can be at the hospital and can visit, but when it comes to the pushing time, maybe that could be reserved for just your hubby... good luck, I feel you on this one!
2007-10-12 08:32:21 · answer #8 · answered by Jess 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes it does seem selfish because your the one that will be pushing a baby out of your body, not him. this isn't a 'who's who' party...you need to have everyone that you want, present. this is going to be one of the most life-changing events in your life and it'a always a good idea to have another 'mother' in the room to help you through this.
example: my husband didn't understand 'back-labor' and didn't know how to message my back during labor....great thing i had my cousin there cause she understood and messaged my back and helped me thru my long labor. because my mother was there, i knew when my water had broken, and i knew how to handle my contractions, etc.
i understnad that this is the beginning of YOU and HIS new family, but it takes a village to raise a child...the first people who'll be willing to help, is you all mothers'...why should they be excluded when the child is born?
how about if you labor with just you and him in the room, so that you all bond and focus on each other, but include your mother when the child is actually born...but allow hubby first dibs on bonding when the child is born. mom can be there for YOUR support while your stitched up and passing the placenta and what-not. this is a very complicated event, and if you think you need your mom there, she should be there!
-hbb
2007-10-12 08:41:46 · answer #9 · answered by hot black babe 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I could not have tolerated my mother in there with me because she would have tried to baby me too much.... Plus I believe that should be something a husband and wife experience together.... Sorry... but I am a mother of grown child and It would not bother me a bit to sit in the waiting room and let the couple experience the special moment together.
2007-10-12 08:32:29 · answer #10 · answered by Roland B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋