My husband and I had a baby a month ago. For the past few weeks he has been stressed out about work and spends most of his time in the evening on computer games instead of spending time with myself and our new baby. I don't feel like I am getting the support I need, but worried that I may be being too demanding...
2007-10-12 08:20:36 · 68 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he should be happy to spend time with his child, the ungrateful beesturd
2007-10-12 08:23:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 2⤋
Men really need to feel needed. If you only had the baby a month ago, then that means there's no sex going on, at least not intercourse type sex.
The baby should be sleeping the entire night soon, and also in about two weeks you and your husband can get back to having sex too. This is one really BIG way that men bond with their wives and feel like they are contributing to her happiness. So don't deny him that, and welcome him back when the time comes.
In the meantime, there are OTHER ways to be close to him, did u ever think that maybe he is doing the computer games because there he is trying to keep his mind off sex when he knows he can't have any? He might not even tell you that.
If you have anyone at all who is responsible and you trust, leave the baby with them for an evening, either make a nice relaxing dinner or go out to eat at a nice relaxing place, doesn't have to be fancy.
Then when you get home and he goes for the computer, say "Why don't you come over here and sit by me for a while instead? You can get on the computer in a little while if you want, come on over here." Then snuggle him, tell him how much you love him and have missed your time together, give him lots of love. And it would definitely help to satisfy him sexually (by means other than intercourse) too! Don't neglect him in that department just because you can't have intercourse - neglecting him is a sure way to drive him to find some other outlet, something to distract himself from his needs that aren't being fulfilled.
Men are really VERY simple. They want to be loved, cuddled, satisfied, fed, and really made to feel like they mean the world to you. Especially after a baby is born, this can't just STOP, or be put on hold.
If you do that, your man will give you and the baby all the attention you both need, and be very glad to do it. His computer will be long forgotten.
Have fun, good luck!
2007-10-12 08:44:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you aren't being too demanding, but he isn't being that unusual either. The first few months with a new baby is a REALLY hard time. Women have biological things happening that prepare them for parenthood, as well as make their lives miserable for the months following giving birth. Men on the other hand have had nothing biological happen to them. They are the same guy they were last year, but now there is a crying baby and stressed wife in the picture. Luckily time takes care of the problems for both sides. Your raging hormones will calm down and give you a whole new perspective on everything, and he will get to know this baby and realize how fun it is being a dad and he will become more involved. Just hang in there and try not to fight. If you need his help with something, than tell him specifically what you want him to do and don't feel guilty about it. You'll get through it hun! Everybody does!
2007-10-12 08:30:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you told him how and what you are feeling? Perhaps, and I am NOT defending him, he feels that this is your time with the baby and he should not interfere with that. Some new fathers are just not sure how much of a role the mother wants them to take. These guys are usually less sensitive to the needs, wants and desires of their wife so the wife has to say something to let them know that they are still a woman and would like to spend time with their man.
Tell him how you feel, what part you would like him to assume with regards to the baby and most importantly remind him that you still need and want him in the same ways you did before the baby. Show him that you still have those desires that need to be satisfied just as much if not more than you did before.
So tune him in, turn him on and get back to normal. Sex has a wonderful way of making him forget the computer. Afterall he is a man and is probably unsure of where he stands right now especially in that area so show him.
2007-10-12 08:45:29 · answer #4 · answered by Cliff R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you aren't be demanding at all.Talking won't help.They always have a come back that will make us feel giulty and shut us down.They simply need a wake up call on remembering he is daddy.Hand him the baby and simply say " the baby missed you".We all get wraped in worldly problems that sometimes we forget what is m.ost important in life.Home and family.You can try sitting with him while he is at the computer and tell him you are spending time with him.I know you are stressed at home and probably need a little break yourself.You can also try asking him to watch the baby while you take a bath or something.Don't ever exspect them to bond with babys like we do.It's not thier nature.
2007-10-12 08:39:39 · answer #5 · answered by lollypop 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may not just be stress from work.
As the father of four beautiful daughters, myself, I know that for a woman, the last thing on her mind for a while after giving birth is having sex. But a man doesn't have that barrier. Part of it could be a lack of sex.
There's also the increased stress of having another mouth to feed, and the waking up at night, and the constant worry about whether or not the baby is breathing right, or "Oh, crap! I can't hear her breathing!" and checking on her...
Babies do not worry just the mothers... they worry fathers as well, and that adds to the stress levels.
In short, there are likely a number of factors for why he wants to take his mind off everything for an hour or four on a computer game.
It's a form of escapism. But he DOES need to spend more time with you two.
Consider renting some movies he has been wanting to see, and having family movie nights.
Get on the couch, and cuddle up next to him with the baby in your arms.
To the woman who said men don't bond with their children like women do... bullshit.
Men show it in different ways. Different does not equate to less.
2007-10-12 08:30:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do not believe you are being too demanding. I have a friend that recently had a baby and her husband has continued to do the same things he use to do before she got pregnant such as hanging out with his friends and going out to clubs. He wanted the child as bad as she did. But now he feels that because it is a baby his wife should do everything, it as if he feels that only women can care for a child. It is causing a lot of unwanted feelings with my friend. She is actually considering leaving him. I would probably sit down and talk to him and let him know how it makes you feel, do it in a non confrontational way so that he will listen. Try leaving the baby home with him sometimes and make excuses to get out of the home. He may actually enjoy the responsibility. I do not know what else to recommend.
2007-10-12 08:29:16 · answer #7 · answered by Lynn 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should want to spend time with the new addition to the family. If he has time for his computer, he should have time for the baby. A mother does so much. He may think you are not stressed because you are not working, but you are. You take care of the baby all day, so he needs to take that into consideration. He may be stressed and tired, but he needs to make time for the baby.
2007-10-12 08:26:53 · answer #8 · answered by Nezbit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too demanding for what??? HE'S STRESSED???? What about you? Does he consider how you may feel? Doesn't he understand that being a parent, especially a mother, is a 24-7 job? You have two babies to take care of now!! But you should voice your feelings, if you hold back now, it'll never change, hell, it may never change anyhow but at least you will have said something right? Maybe he's jealous that the baby is getting all the attention! LOL! Seriously...talk to him.
Hope things work out for you and CONGRATULATIONS on your new baby!
2007-10-12 08:31:12 · answer #9 · answered by sunfire1165 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have three kids. Your hormones are still making you question yourself. You should sit down with your husband and explain that you understand his stress but you have a baby now and need some help. Explain to him how you feel. If you do that, it is not being demanding at all. It is simply explaining your feelings to your husband. Now if you were to tell him that he has to do something simply b/c you said so, that would be demanding. Take a deep breathe and remember that you are a family and communication is the key to a good marriage.
2007-10-12 08:27:09 · answer #10 · answered by misbotta 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is something I think all new fathers go through. The baby scares him, things aren't the same as when it was just the two of you. He feels the pressure to work and earn a good living more than he ever did before the birth of your baby, and if he has work stress on top of it... oh man! You should sit down and talk with him about it. He does need his time to 'decompress' but he also needs to spend time with you and the baby (and hopefully give you 30 minutes of time to have alone, shower... sleep... whatever) It takes time adjusting to the new family life. Just talk to him openly, and tell him you aren't mad, you understand he needs some time... but let him know you and the baby need him too! Good luck!
2007-10-12 08:25:30 · answer #11 · answered by Christine 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋