ok. so all my life i have kinda been more attracted to guys. But i find it alot easier to get with girls...all my friends are girls.. and its really easy to make friends with girls. but ever since i told my self oki you might be gay see what happens...i cant talk to guys i get really nervous and when a guy does like hit on me or give me his number i freak out and say something like "why im not gay". I have been thinking alot about my sexuality and stuff and im mentally more comfortable with being gay...but i find it socially safer being "straight".
I would like someone out there to see what they think of this and let me know whats going on. keep in mind i havnt come out or lead on that im gay to anyone so im like DEEEPPP in the closet.
2007-10-12 08:14:43 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Dude, at least you get given numbers... :(
Sounds to me like you're just a little (or maybe a lot) nervous about being with a guy openly. You seem comfortable with being gay yourself, but not with sharing it with others. Kinda similar to my situation.
Give it time, and be brave. Try coming out to people. Take a guys number. Call me. ;)
2007-10-12 08:23:16 · answer #1 · answered by Sam S 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your post is a little confusing... At the top you say You've been more attracted to guys than girls your whole life but then later you say "you are mentally more comfortable being gay".
It comes down to what you want... All of my gay friends who are "out" tell me they always knew from an early age that they were gay. They had same sex crushes in kindergarden or 1st grade... You either have this or don't.
If I had to say based soley on what you wrote I would say you are gay and are a little scared of the prospect. That fear, again based on what you wrote, sounds like it's making you back pedal into "well it would be easier if I was straight" but then when guys come near, you HAVE to push them away. You don't want them...
It would be easier. But it sounds like it wouldn't be you. Like anything we sometimes can't pick what we are.
I dated a girl for 4 years and I recently found out that she's now dating a woman. I'm not upset at her, I'm glad she finally figured it out. Or is starting to figure it out. We had all kinds of troubles when we were together and I'm not saying that all of them were because she were gay. Believe me, I made a lot of mistakes myself. But the bottom line is you have to answer to yourself, to your heart and who you are.
It would be a terrible thing if you had to live the rest of your life pretending to be someone or something you are not. And though it will be easier on the outside, it will be a lot worse on the inside.
All that being said, I hope it makes sense to you soon... what I wrote is based solely on what you wrote and only you know the truth. I think deep down we all know what we want and sometimes they are hard and we are worried... You aren't alone... This post might be a great first step towards what ever it is that is bothering you.. Gay or not.
2007-10-12 15:44:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey,
If you were straight you would go all freaky if a girl hit on you, when someone we fancy approaches us and the thought of them fancying us enters our heads we all go a little funny.
It's the expectation of what is going to happen, the 'will I be good enough', 'why do they want me' thing.
That does not happen with the girls because your not going to take it further than friendship.
We all go through this, I used to hate it when I was younger if some one approached me, I could never think of anything to say, and would want to run away, yet I knew like you what I wanted.
Just behave with the guys the way you behave with the girls and you will soon build confidence.
As for the closet, closets are for clothes, your a human being get out of that closet, a nice pair of jeans and a top will suit you better.
2007-10-12 15:29:24 · answer #3 · answered by Mike B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off doll how old are you? If you are still a teen, take your time. You don't "Have" to be with anyone at all. Give yourself time to mature and see where it goes.
My son is gay. He had very few male friends in HS but he had Tons of female friends. And he did date a few. He was every mother's ideal boyfriend for their daughter.....
After college he more or less lived an open gay lifestyle. It's easier when you are older and associate with other gay friends and frequent gay establishments.
2007-10-12 15:21:00 · answer #4 · answered by ♥♥The Queen Has Spoken♥♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have PROBLEMS that you need to work out before you can 'come out of the closet.' You are right ... it is much 'safer' to be straight. Some gays and lesbians can't 'come out' until they are older, and some even marry and raise children before they can 'come out' totally. DO NOT PUT YOURSELF DOWN for your feelings, whatever they are. If you have a female friend who is 'gay friendly' and whom you can talk to, maybe the TWO of you could go to a 'gay bar' or a place where there are mostly gays, so you could 'see, hear, and talk to' people who may or may not be more like you. If you can do this enough, you'll soon make friends ... and then you can 'start to come out' safely, among others like you. You DO NOT have to 'have sex' with them, just BE FRIENDS. That should 'ease your mind' and make you more 'comfortable' with who and what you are ... whatever that turns out to be. Good LUCK.
2007-10-12 15:23:23 · answer #5 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Okay, there are alot of people who aren't really sure what to think about being gay (me being one of them). this is because its something fairly.... new I guess. or at least it's more prevalent, but for every person who would hate you for being gay, theres one... maybe a half of one :) that would accept you. But then again... what happend if you DO see a girl you are extremely attracted to? and everyone thinks ur gay? uh oh. But also i mean even though Im not sure I agree with the whole gay thing... you shouldn't make urself unhappy just because it's more socially acceptable. period.
2007-10-12 15:21:19 · answer #6 · answered by duki474 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, so you hang with girls because girls are 'safe.' They aren't hitting on you and you feel comfortable.
With guys, you are attracted but you fear admitting it to yourself. Of course it seems easier to play straight, but in the long run you are cheating yourself out of becoming who you really are.
So enjoy the girlfriends, but talk to someone and get comfortable in your own skin as a gay man. You'll feel a whole lot better in the long run. Good luck
2007-10-12 15:47:38 · answer #7 · answered by David T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can start by declaring yourself bi-sexual, and then gradually make the move to being gay.
If you're still in high school (and if you live in a closed minded town) you may want to wait until after graduation before coming out.
I know people that NEVER came out to their family. Some people find it more comfortable to lead a double life.
If you don't think people are ready to hear about your sexuality, don't tell them. It's better to lie and be safe than to get your *** kicked by people whose opinions don't matter anyway.
2007-10-12 15:27:38 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself what you have to fear being gay?
The more you hide the true you the more pain you will feel inside.
One day you will be the true you - it may take time but one day you will do what you feel is right. No one is telling you to come out but one day you may feel better if you do tell people how you feel it may be a relief.
2007-10-12 15:29:26 · answer #9 · answered by Dawn D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem(except I'm a girl, so kinda the other way around). I don't really know what to do, because I'm very uncomfortable about coming out.
2007-10-12 15:23:47 · answer #10 · answered by kaoru 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋