I really want a separation at the very least, but he is unwilling to do so. I am so very unhappy and also have my children to consider. Regardless of the emotional abuse from the past, he has received help and treats me wonderfully now. It is simply too late.
Am I being selfish?
2007-10-12 07:46:22 · 19 answers · asked by tired 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No one is selfish for wanting to be happy and if he truly loves you than he would let you have the separation that you desire.
I am not saying it is right or wrong but i would not want someone to stay with me if they were that unhappy. Just do what you know in your heart needs to be done.
2007-10-12 07:51:27 · answer #1 · answered by ~NIKKI~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not being selfish. You're being realistic. To stay in a relationship where there is no love is only punishing you and your husband. In every relationship there are doubts at times, but the way you talk the doubt has been replaced by certainty. Sometimes we all have to do what is best for ourself without thought of others. If we are not happy with where we are, who we are or what we have then it's time to move on. Even though there are children involved, the best move is to walk away. In the long run all of you will be happier and have more peace in your life.
Abuse of any type, verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual can cause pain and suffering that will last for a very long time and strain even the best of relationships. So even though the abuse is no longer happening, you are feeling the residual emotions brought about by the abuse. Basically you are suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, a psychological effect that occurs during stressful situations and can plague you for the rest of your life. Did you get help also? If not you should look into it.
Don't stay in the relationship if you are not in love deeply with the man you married, it's simply not worth it.
2007-10-12 08:00:06 · answer #2 · answered by Cliff R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First look at what brought about this change to happen. Are you that bored with your marriage? Has a variety of Men smiled and winked at you? There is more to this then what you are willing to tell. An affair will do it everytime to the innocent Husband who is at work and has full trust in his Spouse who has sworn by those words on your wedding day.
If you are asking for a seperation then stop the BS lady and file a petition for divorce. Why drag this Man along the concrete any longer? Your mind is already made up. He will receive custody of the children and you can find a playground of drunks at any night club in your City.
2007-10-12 08:11:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of the worst lies perpetrated on women by the LifeTime for Chicks Move Channel is this stupid-a$s notion that you can "love" but not be "in love." Only a goddamned retard tries to separate the two ideas.
What you feel is the loss of the inital romance and excitement. It hapens in all relationships. Imagine what *he* thinks about *you*, princess.
You can only get new car smell from a new car and it is eventually replaced. Either grow up and realize the replacement is something different, not worse, or spend eternity starting new relationships with new guys so you can keep the newness feeling.
2007-10-12 08:11:44 · answer #4 · answered by filthy_crumb 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The statement " I love him, but am not in love with him", is a hollywoodism. Love is something you have to foster and protect. If you have parents, brothers, sisters or even children, there are times you may not like them too much but you still love them. Try working on your marriage. After 16 years it is easy to get appathetic and think that the grass is greener on the other side. Usually it isn't. It can be exciting, just like anything new can be exciting.
Try dating your husband again, setting aside time-just you and him. Remember what attrated you in the first place. If he emotionally abused you in the past, but has received help and is wonderful now, it shows he loves you and made an effort to grow in the relationship. Shouldn't you make the same effort before calling it quits?
2007-10-12 07:56:06 · answer #5 · answered by Nicole 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You did no longer do something to make him cheat, he cheated base line. He won't like which you won weight, yet neither do you. so which you artwork on getting slender returned, yet bear in mind that's no longer why all and sundry cheated, he did it because of the fact he had to. all human beings can arise with one million excuses, yet none would be precise, he only had to cheat and dishonor his wedding ceremony vows. You visit the reflect and look at your self, what do you spot. the comparable individual you the place an hour in the past, an afternoon in the past, your character did no longer substitute your weight did. HIs character did substitute, he grew to grow to be some one that has no compassion, and love for the girl he married. you will get via this and carry your head up severe, on account which you are able to lose the burden, yet he will on no account be waiting to earnings back the have confidence you had for him. he's the only that tore the marriage aside for a couple of minutes of lust, and that's all it grow to be, lust.
2016-12-14 15:44:22 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Join the ranks of the other few hundred million married people. Everyone gets to that stage some time or other. Some handle it well some don't. I have a lot of advice, but not much too many people think is good advice.
2007-10-12 08:17:36 · answer #7 · answered by bocasbeachbum 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
umm very interesting.Ok how did it happen that you lost love for your husband?My advise is try to love him again.Love is like a garden that needs to be cultivated,watered etcDon't look at all the bad things that he's done to you.If he has really changed and he seems sincere i think you should give him another chance.Maybe you don't love him anymore because you think you can find better outside.I don't know about that maybe the one's divorced should tell you this.
2007-10-12 07:55:33 · answer #8 · answered by mchel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you do mean by "my children"? Children from a marriage before this one? Or from this marriage?
You can separate even if he doesn't want to but if you guys have children from the marriage try counseling first.
2007-10-12 07:58:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well dear can you rekindle the fire that once burned ?Only you know if it is too late ! Total honesty between you is what the long haul takes. Two become one flesh ! But unless you are both "in love" end it peacebly. But first ask Jesus for help !
2007-10-12 08:07:04 · answer #10 · answered by lonewolf 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋