I've been seperated from my husband for a couple of months and we are getting a divorce. I started seeing this other guy, who is a PA at the doctor's office my daughter goes to, about a month ago. And my husband accused me of having an affair with him all the time and I know that his mom put that idea in his head because she thinks I'm a skank but that's not true though. My mom says I shouldn't be dating at all though because it doesn't make me look good in the divorce proceedings, but I'm not sure if that matters. I want to keep our daughter but he says he wants to fight for custody but will it really have an effect on that? And am I right to be dating again?
2007-10-12 07:19:11 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The term you are looking for is estranged, if you and your spouse are estranged you are free to do as you wish. Being separated implies 'on a break' and therefore not dating.
2007-10-12 07:49:14 · answer #1 · answered by Very happily married. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is absolutely not the time to be dating.
Even if you didn't have children, it would be still a bad time.
Normally, you need to give yourself some time after a major relationship breakup, figure 2 months for every year you've been together, plus add some months if you were married.
So, if you were dating and married for a total of 5 years, I'd wait at least a year.
Now - you also have a daughter. Do you really want to bring a man into her life, when you're so emotionally unstable????
Plus - it'll drive your current husband crazy and that'll transfer on to you and your daughter (notice I don't call him your ex. That's 'cause you're not divorced - get the message????).
Do you want any type of normal relationship between your daughter and her father????
I know you are probably lonely - seek friends, family, church - but not a man's crotch.
Sorry if this all sounds harsh.
2007-10-12 07:28:25 · answer #2 · answered by KI557 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
while you're separated with the objective of having a divorce, there is not something incorrect with going out and assembly human beings or occurring a date with somebody. you'll be able to objective asking your husband flat out if he needs a divorce or in case you have already desperate which you relatively choose one then tell him that. After that, bypass out with this guy in case you want. yet once you're actually not completely confident you want a divorce or in the journey that your husband happens to declare he's uncertain approximately getting a divorce then i might carry off till you know for particular the marriage is over, basically in case you adult males a re waiting to artwork by issues.
2016-10-22 04:05:23 · answer #3 · answered by gustavo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your mother -- she is right.
And, yes, dating while you are still married can have a direct affect during your divorce proceedings: it's called adultery. I don't know what state you live in, but some states have laws in which adultery can have all sorts of affects on the outcome of custody, spousal support, etc.
If you doubt what your mother is telling you, just ask your attorney.
2007-10-12 07:40:06 · answer #4 · answered by tracy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your soon-to-be-ex is full of b/s... Either you're committed, or you're headed for divorce - it can't be both at the same time. Just as your commitment didn't start at the exact time of signing of the marriage license (but probably some time before that), your vows were null and void the day you said "I'm divorcing this person" - the rest is just paperwork.
But as far as the legalities of it go, and how it might look in court, you'd have to consult your attorney.
2007-10-12 07:35:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
What's wrong with dating when separated? I think you have answered your own question. People look down on you, it raises the issue of possible infidelity, and it may make you look bad in the eyes of the judge during your divorce, regarding custody of your child.
It is your life and you are free to do as you please, but then you must be willing to suffer the consequences of some of your choices, good and bad.
2007-10-12 07:41:44 · answer #6 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to a divorce atty. immediately! In my state, they still have adultery as grounds for a divorce and it could make a huge difference in how you are viewed by the courts. Marriage is a commitment, so until you are divorced, you will be considered "cheating." I was told by every atty I talked to, to not even be seen eating at a restaurant with another man.
It is very strange and unfair as in my case, HE had cheated and even moved in with another woman already, yet I wasn't even allowed to receive emotional support from my male friends for fear of the law.
2007-10-12 07:31:36 · answer #7 · answered by bonnieboobabe 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a daughter so,think once more before getting divorce.your mom is right u should wait until divorce .May be u both will change ur mind and dating with some one else can make things worst.
2007-10-12 07:30:52 · answer #8 · answered by Tehseen B 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
why on earth would you ever put yourself in the postion of having to defend your actions? you took a vow of being with only one man untill death... ok you screwed that up, but now your just jumping on to the next guy? you gonna screw those vows up too? you are still married. like it or not that means no sex with someone else untill your divorce is final. and remember what your daughter see's she will do when shes older. I am seperated from my husband who left me 4 YEARS ago. i have neither slept with, dated, or talked to another man because OUR DIVORCE NEVER GOT FILED AND IS NOT IN ANY MEANS FINAL. we are still married, wheather i like it or not.
2007-10-12 07:37:18 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a saying, "If you fool me once, shame on you ... but fool me twice, and shame on ME!"
Seperation can be temporary, in which case attempted reconcilliations are OK, if you are available (not "cheating" on your new love).
Often a permanent seperation never goes as far as divorce for religious reasons; but unless something changed, "dating" again is asking for more trouble.
The instinct to "use" a comfortable old bed buddy is natural, but adultery is a sin even if you are not a virgin.
Would you advocating continuous revisits to every old sex parner you enjoyed?
2007-10-12 07:32:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋