My husband is madly in love with me but I am not sure I feel the same way.. A few weeks ago I told him I wanted a separation and some how between him and my family I agreed to stay and try to work things out. Since then he has became a different man a great man. He is constantly pampering me and telling me how beautiful I am, doing spontanious things. He is trying really hard, but I am afaird that it is to late... I am not sure what to do b/c I dont want to hurt him at all.. What do I do???? Is there something I can do to change my feelings towards him??? Help!!!!
2007-10-12 06:53:33 · 11 answers · asked by amanda k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
People tend to think that love should always be as it was in the beginning but the truth is that love comes and goes throughout a good relationship.
You have him worrying and thinking about what he has done wrong that made you lose interest in him and that is good.
The truth is though that you feel like things were bad for a long time and so you are probably wondering how long he can keep up with this "great man" appearance.
If you really want to work on the marriage and regain the love you feel like you have lost then you need to be open and honest with him about your concerns. You might even need marriage counseling but that is not always necessary.
Write down all of your concerns, what you feel he does that you like, what he does that bothers you, and why you have a different outlook on him. Make a list of what your expectations are for a marriage and a partner. Get him to do the same.
Without arguing and blaming discuss these things with each other, allowing the person speaking to have their say without jumping in. Take turns, take timeouts if the discussion is getting off tasks or out of hand, agree beforehand on a signal to let the other know that you need a timeout, and agree in advance about how long that timeout will be then return to the discussion promptly.
Avoid the silent treatment, it only serves to harm the relationship further, and above all else be open with each other.
Some of the best ways to renew a relationship is to think back to what first attracted you to your spouse then relive those things together.
Someone said the "grass is not always greener on the other side" and that is so true.
You have to work on this marriage if that is what you want.
Good luck.
2007-10-12 07:20:47 · answer #1 · answered by Twilight 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, basically, she left him, married someone else and then found out the new guy was no prince? Your husband is a fool. She's probably happy enough when her husband is giving her what she wants, and only "loves" yours (or other men) when she is feeling ignored. Point this out to your husband, and tell him that because he fell for this, you've lost respect for him. Tell him you want to be married to someone who is going to love you for you and won't be so eager to let another woman invade your lives. You say this to make him dislike her. My guess is that he said those things because he was so flattered by her attention. It would be very hard to ignore someone who had left you for someone else coming back and saying they regretted the decision. However, many men would have cheated and he didn't. That tells me that he really DOES love you but was caught up in the flattery of the moment. I would stay married if he starts to see her for what she is ... a troublemaker ... but not if he's going to keep her on pedestal. Good luck.
2016-05-22 02:26:54 · answer #2 · answered by cammie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right to think about this. Couples/marriage counseling might be appropriate here to see if there is a way for you to come back together again. I would not put too much stock in him "becoming a different man". Sounds like courting behavior to me, however it does signal a desire to please, just remember that such behavioral changes are typically temporary. Ask yourself why you are "not sure" you feel the same way. Sometimes people change after they are married, especially if they marry young and have never had a chance to grow into their true selves. I recommend counseling which might help to clarify matters for both of you.
2007-10-12 07:05:43 · answer #3 · answered by Wiz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes, people think the grass is always greener on the other side. theyre not grateful for what they already have. do you have kids wirh your husband? i f you do, its better to work it out with him for the sake of the kids. but if you dont, try and take some time off with him to talk things over. maybe there's something lacking in the relationship that makes you feel out of love with him. try to remind yourself why you married him. its great that he's doing his part by trying hard to make it work. he is obviously scared of losing you. you should consider his feelings. tell him how you really feel. separation might be okay. they do say absence makes the heart grow fonder. maybe itll happen to you. dont rush into things. you have a great man there that loves you to death and you should be grateful. good luck, god bless...
2007-10-12 07:01:54 · answer #4 · answered by anonymously-unknown 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is it that made you change the way you feel about him? I'd give it more time. Otherwise you may regret letting a man go that treated you so great. Especially when you encounter some of the jerks that are in the world today.
2007-10-12 07:07:21 · answer #5 · answered by shellshell 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you can't force yourself to fall back in love or be attracted to him. Maybe you should set a deadline and if things haven't gotten better for you then you two should consider seperation. Or you could leave and be by yourself for awhile (not see other people) and slowly begin dating your husband again and that will help you remember why you married him. Sometimes though things just don't work they way we want them.
PS if you have kids remember they are number one and their well being should be considered over all others.
2007-10-12 07:00:46 · answer #6 · answered by Buggy Jean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can stop focusing on the other guy who has your attention. I am NOT saying your cheating but I bet there is someone else who has a part of your heart. Maybe you are just talking right now, flirting, but it will distract you from your husband. Obviously he is trying, nows the time to jump into marriage counseling. Don't you think you both deserve that?
2007-10-12 08:31:40 · answer #7 · answered by LilSunbeam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,i am telling you from experience leave him.I stayed yes he is still great only I do not love him.i stayed because I did not want to hurt him now I find myself hurting him by being nasty.
2007-10-16 06:59:50 · answer #8 · answered by Ollie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
commit to 6 months of working on your marriage. let him know you are trying. go to couseling, give him the same attention he is giving you. if at the end of six months you still feel the same way...then you know you tried.
2007-10-12 06:58:29 · answer #9 · answered by Isabella S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he deserves better (which he does). You are not worthy of his love. I would kick you to the curb....You sound like a spoiled brat.
2007-10-12 07:18:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋