I recently caught....?

Question

My husband talking to another woman on the phone. They have been coomunicating for about 2 weeks now. I found out by calling the number on his cell phone which he had under a male's name. She was very vague and said I had nothing to worry about and hung up. My husband said he just wanted to show me other women wanted him and I need to appreciate him more. I would have never found out if I didn't call. What to do.

Answer 1

LOL, so that is the latest excuse? I really can’t believe people sometimes… well, most of the times.

Unless he is a saint and also very stupid, he is lying of course.

But following our system, “you are not guilty until proven in a court of law”.. or on this case by finding him cheating on you.

You can give him the benefit of the doubt, but I do suggest (in fact I recommend it very badly) to talk to him, in private, a very serious and adult talk. Be honest, ask him to be honest, and even tell him if you can that you won’t do something stupid even if he admits to be cheating or thinking of cheating on you.

You might still be able to solve the problems. Obviously there is lack of communication between you two. This is the most common problem in relations and just because of not having a simple honest 5 minutes talk many couple have ended in divorce.

Don’t assume anything, let him tell you how he feels, why he is not happy (obviously he is not) and what does he want or expect from you. And you make sure to do the same. Is an open session where you both need to express feelings and try to find answers together.

Is not easy, but once you both start, it can be amazing how many things come out, and how much it can be fixed. Just make sure to promise each other not to go crazy and not to leave and not to fight. You both are adults, so act like it.

Don’t forget real love is when you care and sacrifice for each other without asking or expecting anything in return. But it has to be mutual. And communication is the key to keep the relation going.

And don’t order him to delete the number or anything like that, in fact tell him to change the name to the real name, and that you are willing to work it out with him, and to try to help the relation go forward. Hopefully he will do the same.

Good luck.

Answer 2

First, just to point out the obvious - if he wanted to "show you" other women wanted him, then why was he hiding it? That's a huge contradiction right there.

Second - If he's happily married there would be no reason he needs that validation from another women. If he felt he was under appreciated, he needed to sit down and have a talk with you about it - not go out and spark a relationship (whatever that relationship entails) that would fill that void he is claiming to have with you. That's asenine.

Looking at the big picture, the problem is not JUST that he is having a relationship with another woman, but WHY is he seeking validation from another woman?

Sorry sweetie. You two need to have a serious heart-to-heart and figure out what you each want out of the marriage versus what you are each willing to do to make it work. It can't be one sided. You BOTH need to reassess the marriage and what you can each improve upon. If he's not willing to give 110% than you need to move on.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Why did he put the number on his cell phone under a male's name if he wanted to show you something? That's not logical. If it were me, I would think he is lying. He has singlehandedly destroyed your trust. Once that happens, you really have nothing to build upon, in my opinion.
Here's my concern with infidelity: Truthfully, neither you nor he have any idea of this other person's sexual history. His behavior has placed both of you at high risk of HIV infection. Because of that, when my husband cheated, it occurred to me that his subtle message in cheating essentially was that he didn't care whether I lived or died. That's the bottom line, in my opinion. I left. I know that, like me, you have to do everything possible to salvage your marriage, but placing your life at risk is beyond the call of duty.
A wife can't be faulted for a husband's infidelity. He either has character, or he doesn't. Cheating demonstrates that he doesn't.

Answer 4

I honestly think no matter what message he wanted to get across to you. He did it the wrong way.

Its disrespectful for him to be talking to another women PERIOD especially hidding it.. (like putting it under a males name)

If he wanted to get the message across that you need to appreciate him more then he should of talked to you.

Do justify what he did.. Dont let him off the hook.. Talk to him and explain that what he did wasn't right. Because regardless of the point he wanted to give. He lied to you and was talking secretly and hidding this other women. Yea maybe this other women didnt want anything with him. But why did he even try to start talking to her.. He could of atleast told you that there's this women after him adding that you need to appreciate him more since theres women that want him out there..

But atleast he honest rather than going along and talking to her.. 2weeks is lot for a married man one day is alot! And non the less knowing that if you had never called you wouldn't have known.

I think You need to talk and not let him off the hook. Because down right to it he can't use the excusse that you need to appreciate him more to look like the victim. Because he should of known better that this was going to happen. And besides what if youdid that to him. He wouldn't like it. So he need to think about that.

And if he stating so muchthat women want him. Then why doesn't he just tells you the truth. Does he want to be with you? or what? you need to fix these issues with your husband because the little things are what become big down the road.

Answer 5

You need to find yourself and see if you and your husband are happy. deep down inside you know that he is doing something and that POOR excuse cant buy you **** but if you love him and you feel that there is really nothing going on then take it but put him sit down and discuss the matter but you need to clear your head

good luck babe cause he is cheating he would not go out of his way and put the number under a mans name

P.s if your husband needs to do that to show you that other women are interested in him then there is a communication barrier that needs to be addressed

Answer 6

If he wanted you to see other women still wanted him he wouldn't have put her name in as a male's name. That's a total lie. What other male names in his phone are really females? He's not being honest. I'd check out the rest of the numbers.

Answer 7

When a guy is caught, the wife usually only finds out about 10% of the story. Your husband is either cheating or planning to cheat.

Answer 8

Just wanted to show you that other women wanted him?????

What a rude a**!!!!!!

I don't know how you didn't smack him across the face and leave!!!!!!

To me, its sounds like there is something going on between him and the so called "male" that is on his phone. If something hasn't happened yet, it will.
Thats the dumbest thing I have ever heard, "wanted to show you other women want me...."
So sorry he said this to you, thats just plain b.s.

Even I have never said some crap like that, and I have been pretty rude myself in the past.

Answer 9

I don't care what he says, he's having an affair. If nothing was going on, why would the woman be vague? Go for counseling and if he doesn't want to go, go yourself. If he gets away with it this time, believe me, he'll do it again until he has some serious consequences.

Answer 10

I think it's time for the both of you to go your separate ways or try to work this out. Especially on his part. Because if he willing to do that to you, who knows what he can do..cheat, have an affair. That's the next step. You both need to talk about what you want and are lacking in your relationship.