Does anyone have any Halloween Jokes, please share?

Answer 1

Two men were walking home after a night in the tavern and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery to get to their homes quicker. In the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Good gracious, Sir," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

Top 10 Reasons why Trick or Treating is better than Sex
10~You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9~If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8~The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7~You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some. 6~It's OK when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
5~Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4~If you don't like what you get you can always go next door.
3~It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2~Less guilt the morning after.
#1~YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD!!!

Answer 2

OK so im not racist...but heres another one lol

NOTE: Please do not read if you are easily offended by racial jokes.

A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in a couple of days so the husband tells his wife to go to the store and get costumes for them to wear.

When he comes home that night he goes into the bedroom and there laid out on the bed is a Superman costume. The husband yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Superman? Take this back and get me something else I can wear."

The next day the wife, not too happy, returns the costume and gets a replacement. The husband comes home from work goes to the bedroom and there, laid out on the bed, is a Batman costume. He again yells at his poor wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Batman? Take this back and get me something I can wear to the costume party!"

The next morning his irate wife goes shopping. When the husband comes home again from work, there laid out on the bed are three items: one is a set of three white buttons, the second is a thick white belt, and the third item is a 2x4 The husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are these for?"

The wife yells back, "Take your clothes off. You can put the three white buttons on the front of you and go as a domino. If you don't like that idea, you can put the white belt on and go as an Oreo. And if you don't like THAT idea, you can shove the 2 x 4 up your *** and go as a fudgesicle!"

Answer 3

Little Boy went trick or treating dressed up as a pirate.
Knocked at the first house.
Twick or tweet he says to the lady that came to the door.
She says,What are you dressed as?
He says, I am a pireet!
She says a pilot .
He say no a pireet a pireet. Here's my pireet hat and my pireet sored. I an a pireet, a pireet.
She says oh how cute !!!!
He goes to a few more houses and it's much the same and he is really getting exasperated !!
He goes and knocks at another home.
A lady comes out on the porch and says What are you dressed up as sonny?
He says, A pireet !!! I am A PIREET !!!!
She says, Oh a parrot !!!!
He says no lady !!! I am a pireet !! a pireet !!!
Here's my wittle pireet hat and my wittle pireet sord !!!!
I am a PIREET he shouts !!!!
She says Ohhhhhhh !!! A pirate........ well where are your buccaneers?
He starts shouting at the lady !!!!
He puts his hands up to the side of his head and shouts !!!!!!!
Here my Bucking ears !!!
Where's your bucking eyes !!!!!! hahahahaha !!!!

Answer 4

Al Gore , Peace Nobel Prize.

Answer 5

Why does Dracula hate clowns?

>>> Because their blood taste funny!

Answer 6

ek aadmi kabar pe betha tha, utne me ek aadmi vaha se gujar raha tha usne ye dekha to vo bola aap kabar pe bethe ho to dar nahi lag raha to vo aadmi bola andar garmi lag rahi thi to bahar aake betha.

Answer 7

why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

he didn't have the guts.