The Labour Governments,
A Politcally Correct Night Before Christmas... Santa can't
smoke his pipe, the elves have unionized, Gordon Brown has Taxed his sleigh and the animal "rights"
folks have prevented the reindeer from flying...
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the H.S.E.
2007-10-12 05:50:14 · 12 answers · asked by Agent Zero® 5 in News & Events ➔ Current Events
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite
frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
2007-10-12 05:51:32 · update #1
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
2007-10-12 05:52:02 · update #2
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
2007-10-12 05:52:32 · update #3
God, can you imagine? Christmas is supposed to be a magical time, not an event restricted by a bunch of pedants and nitpickers. Already, this is happening: kids can't sit on Santa's lap anymore, lights are a health hazard, the sweets and mince pies are going to cause obesity, we can't sing carols in public in case it offends someone (there were complaints from some Muslims about them last year), the panto names have to be changed ('3 Little Pigs' became '3 Little Puppies' last year), and so it goes on. What's going to be next? It's totally ridiculous. Christmas is supposed to be a happy and carefree time, not a time restricted and warped into a minefield of bans and problems. It's all going too far now, people should just leave well alone.
2007-10-12 06:49:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
God bless John Cleese. Can you imagine the pc brigade censor. No "last of the summer wine" ageist No "allo allo" racist No "dads army" incompetantist? To the PC brigade learn. The brits take the p!ss without malice.
2016-04-08 05:21:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good one!
But the PC brigade have been on this case for a while. When was the last time you saw a kid sitting on Santa's knee?
2007-10-12 05:55:10 · answer #3 · answered by Tartan Duck 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
that was real nice but lets get one thing right we cant ban santa
2007-10-12 07:55:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You forgot health and safety
read this -
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;jsessionid=G2LFCKE2ADZEPQFIQMFSFF4AVCBQ0IV0?xml=/news/2007/10/12/nxmas112.xml
2007-10-12 06:00:07 · answer #5 · answered by Fred3663 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I thought they already had. That was great by the way.
2007-10-12 05:52:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You said it all for me
2007-10-12 06:28:47 · answer #7 · answered by ginoguarino 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sadly that's virtually true. Well written.
2007-10-12 05:55:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
that was really good and scarily near the truth!! well done who ever wrote it!! x
2007-10-12 05:57:27 · answer #9 · answered by marie s 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
wow. what a question?
how long did it take to type all that?
2007-10-12 05:54:46 · answer #10 · answered by only the truth 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋