for a while until he can get things straightend out with his ex wife and children. Since I have been with him she has gone non stop after me by spreading rumors among his family, friends, calling him non stop, she wants him back, however he doesn't want to go...they are apart 4 years when I met him. He also doesn't put a stop to her harrassment....one email this week to her, answering a nasy email about me from her, he stood up for me....his children bash me to my face every other weekend of my life, and he does nothing. I don't want to live like this any more. It puts strain on my job, my mental out look on life....it is making me spiritually unsound....I don't know what else to do....give him space to fix it or not....
2007-10-12 05:30:27 · 16 answers · asked by Rein 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, dont ask him to move out as this will push the relationship further away. You have a jealous ex-wife who will stop at nothing to win him back. So sorry you are having to deal with this problem. First, make a list of all the things she has done to try to destroy your marriage. Be honest about the list. Also, put in the list that his children do not like you and specific examples of them showing their dislike of you. Remember, they want mom and dad back together, that is always true, they grew up with a mom and dad and their idea is "I want my mom and dad together no matter what". Not always true, but often children feel this way.
Your husband may be passive-aggressive and may not know how to put a stop to her weirdness.
Once you make the list of bad behaviors, sit down at a planned time to go over your concerns, do not be emotional when you do this. Sit down and talk with him like you would a business meeting. Problem, discussion, how to solve the problem.
Statistically, when a person moves out of the house, more often than not they do not come back. I dont think this is what you want.
Try to lean on your faith at this time. Remember, many a martyr went through hell. Give your husband the benefit of the doubt, it is the problem of the ex-wife and his kids.
Tell him that your feelings for him are strong and positive but that the problems with ex and children are getting to you.
If he loves you, I bet he will want to be a problem solver.
Good luck.
2007-10-12 05:44:17 · answer #1 · answered by sweetstlouiswoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nicely, thanks for explaining this thoroughly. talk to her head to head, I as a male trust both husband and spouse could make judgements. i do not see why he's taking this into his own fingers. i hit upon that finished crap, have a extreme converstation with him and if she refuses to leave call the enforcement, it would not be counted in the journey that your husband is of the same opinion to her being there, From what i comprehend you're a married female with childrens. Get that b*tch out of the domicile, some women anybody is loopy now a days. All i can say is, preserve your marriage and attempt to talk with him also and positioned him on your footwear by using explaining that IF it changed into you with yet another guy as a "chum" and if he admitted to all of that, that i'm particular he'd be annoyed more desirable than you seeing because the male gender is amazingly dominant. sturdy success female! carry your floor do not consent!
2016-10-09 02:24:19 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's obvious you have made up your mind. Reassurance is what you want. Obtain self confidence and go with your decision. Everything happens for a reason and life is too short to live it unhappily.
When one walks out of a relationship they shouldn't look back because at this point they can say they did everything they could to make things better. Reassuring themselves they are ok and will be better off without the turmoil in their life.
So think deeply. If this is your answer, reassure yourself there is nothing you can do to fix the problem, and you didn't do anything to cause the problem, then go find a better life with someone who will cherish you as you cherish them.
Best of Luck my friend.
2007-10-12 14:41:30 · answer #3 · answered by TEXAS LADY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is time for you to take a stand. Right this minute. Children need to learn respect for you. He must be told that you will not tolerate this behavior anymore. Sounds to me like it is time to talk to hubby. Why though would you have him move out? He can take a firm and gentle hand to straighten out this mess. Talk with him. If you do not like what you hear, it could be he has no respect for you. You are number one. The ex and children come second. If he is too weak working together to solve this problem can be done. If you just want some space to figure it out. Tell him you need a short time out. Take him with or go by yourself. Visit friends or just go away for awhile. No marriage can work if you do not work as a team to solve everyday problems. Work with your husband not against him. Marriage is not easy. Hang in there little one all will work out for the best. Rule number one no one bolts or moves out. Talk to him!!!
2007-10-12 05:51:35 · answer #4 · answered by fnbug 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a restraining order against her as she is trying to cause trouble and this is defamation. You might be able to sue. He can threaten the custody of her children. Calling social services or the police department might work if these other efforts fail and your husband agrees to it beforehand.
Why don't you get counselling and ask for some space in the relationship by having him move downstairs but don't get him to leave or file for a separation or divorce just yet. This might be a temporary situation and it isn't his fault. He needs to handle the matter better.
2007-10-12 05:50:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a right to be happy and to have peace in your own home. You need to retain your self-respect and not let this person ruin your relationship with the man. You have not said how he feels about all this.
Change your email address and make your phone number unlisted. As for her spreading rumours, your friends and family will know the truth so don't worry about it. Don't let her come between the two of you. Your husband may have not taken matters into his own hands because of his children.
I, too , am an evil stepmother and my stepchildren hate me. I have learned that they get their feelings from their mom and I don't take it personally. When you don't respond to their hostility it is not as much fun and the eventually stop.
Good luck to you.
2007-10-12 05:46:07 · answer #6 · answered by mn lady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Giving hims space to work on it might be a good idea. However, if you do that you need to accept the possibility that he's not going to come back to you. It's unusual that he's allowed his wife to be smeared like this by his own kids and isn't defending you more actively.
I'm sorry you're being put through this crap, and I hope you can work it out. But you may need to take the hard road and work it out together if you want to ensure your marriage survives.
Good luck.
2007-10-12 05:50:44 · answer #7 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop blaming your husband for what his vindictive ex wife does. If you push him out of the house you just might be pushing him into the arms of his ex wife. This is not way to resolve your problems with his ex wife. It is obvious why it is he left her. She is obviously brain washing the kids against you also. Don't let her win. I know it is difficult for you but try to show her she cannot get to you and eventually she will stop. Also try not to put your husband in the middle of this and it is difficult enough for him. Show him you are on his side and I bet he will find a way to deal with his children and their mistreatment of you. Just know, the children are the ones paying for their mother's hostility towards you. Best of luck to you!
2007-10-12 06:27:43 · answer #8 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's in a hard spot just as much as you are. I'm sure he doesn't know how to stop this. Stick with him, talk to him about it. You two are in this mess together. Don't worry about what the ex says if people know you (his family) they know it's all a lie. Don't let her get to you. You have his heart not her just remember that. You leaving him will just give her more room to get to him. She will think she is winning. As for the kids they are just going by what their mother says. They don't' know no better. They will when they get bigger. And then I bet they will resent their mother. Please he needs you and I'm sure he loves you. Leaving him will only hurt you more. Try to settle this mess by putting both your heads together and see what you two can come up with. Good luck and God bless.!
2007-10-12 05:43:16 · answer #9 · answered by aimstir31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably just doesn't know what to do about the situation because they have kids. The best way to get her goat is to ignore her. If she sees her behavior is not effecting you in anyway she will stop. As long as she's getting your attention, even if it's negative attention, she will continue to harrass you. If his children are disrespecting you, he is their father, and he should punish them for their behavior. I don't think I would kick him out. I think he needs your help more than ever.
2007-10-12 05:49:54 · answer #10 · answered by shellshell 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋