We have been married 7 months. I am 25 and hes almost 27. I want it more but he always says hes tired or his stomach hurts. Like he has an excuse every time. If I never pursued him or asked to have sex we would go months with out. I dont understand bc I am an attractive woman and my boyfriends in the past always were wanting to have sex with me.
Ive talked to him about this many times..he knows i love sex and it makes me feel closer to him. He says ok im sorry and we will have sex that night or next day but then it goes right back to how it was b4. even when i kiss him he like backs away, he will kiss me but moves his heads backwards and not towards me. ive asked him if hes gay and that always pisses him off. he works as a production manager and is very stressed at work. helP!!!!
2007-10-12 05:13:13 · 70 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why do I never meet women like you?
2007-10-12 05:15:55 · answer #1 · answered by Johnny 7 · 6⤊ 2⤋
You asked him if he was gay? Lol! Wow, at least you were being honest with your feelings. Sounds like you were frustrated that day. Usually it's the male, complaining that his girl isn't "putting out" enough. Good to know there are more sexually confident women in the world. Kudos to you.
I would just ask him flat out what the deal is. He's not concerned about your needs, so I would tell him like this, "I am very attracted to you and I feel that you are attracted to me, but for some reason I get the impression that you don't enjoy having sex with me, based on the way you do this, that..."etc.
Tell him that sex makes you two feel closer and that you understand he is busy, but you have needs that need to be met as well, and if he can't meet them, you don't have a problem finding someone who can. Lol! J/K. This would however, be the first time a woman has ever left a man for this type of reason, (that I've ever heard of anyway), Best wishes to you. It just sucks that you guys just got married 7 months ago. Is he burned out already. The lack of sex part of the marriage, doesn't usually happen for another 2-3 years. You guys got an early start. Best wishes!
-Knowledge24
2007-10-12 05:24:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you two need to get away and just enjoy each other. Over time he will warm up to you. Now most of us men are gung-ho about sex and are ready 5 times a week, but if he is not that does not make him gay. Maybe he is bored by it. Have you tried anything new in bed?
There are things you can do throughout the day can will make him want you by evening. Just little things, make him breakfast in bed, blow him a kiss, or give him a little touch here and there. Try and tease him a little make him come after you. You may be an attractive woman, but make him think you are sexy as hell. These things work with me and my wife. Foreplay can last all day long and when it is time for the sex, he will give it to you good!
2007-10-12 05:31:29 · answer #3 · answered by rozzell j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something is definitely wrong. Seven months into a marriage you two should be like rabbits, at it all the time. Even after seven years, a normal man would never have to be coaxed into having sex.
So here's the deal: either he IS gay, and cannot come to grips with it, OR there is something about the sexual relationship with you that he does not enjoy (I know, what could that possibly be??) and he's afraid to discuss it with you OR he's having an affair with someone else. It's even possible that one and three are combined and that he's having an affair with a man! In this day and age...anything goes!
What you have to do is work up the courage to sit him down and force him to discuss it. Don't be confrontational, be lovingly concerned. Lay it our for him. Recall the many times he puts you off with some lame excuse. Tell him you see your marriage heading for divorce court. Be kind but be firm. If you believe nothing else believe that something is wrong. There is absolutely no acceptable, reasonable excuse for his behavior. At the very least he needs to be honest with you and, depending on his answers to your questions he may need to seek professional help.
If you do all this and you get no where, find a good divorce attorney and get out of that marriage while it's easier to do. I'm assuming that you do not yet have any children. Even if you do, the advice is still the same. If you can't resolve this with him you will never be happy. You will live your life as a frustrated person most of the time. don't do that to yourself.
2007-10-12 05:28:19 · answer #4 · answered by nevit 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is quite a common problem these days. As life is on fast track people love only money not wife. But every problem has it's own solution.
Whoever it may be (either men or women) will be too tired after a stressful work. But having sex is one of the important stress reliever.
I think your husband has got some health related problem. Better you take him to a doctor. Also if possible meet a marriage councellor.
Advice for you:
Don't directly beg for sex. or rush to kiss him. Let him relax for a while. Then start some romantic conversation. Then slowly move towards foreplay. Let him get arousal, the rest you can carry on without any hassle.
Go for a small outing or trip to nearby places.
2007-10-12 05:28:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Stress in a job can be very damaging to a mans libido. Also having someone trying to make him perform on demand will lower his sex drive. Sounds like your husband needs a little space.
He could be thinking that you are more than he can handle and he is fighting a losing battle. You need to reassure him that you are going to love him no matter what. Create a stress free enviroment at home, he gets enough stress at work.
Create a romantic atmosphere without expecting anything in return from him. Candlelight dinners in the middle of the week that do not move forward into sex. For no reason, ask him about his stressful day and give him a relaxing neck rub without expecting anything in return. Kiss him and show him you love him and that you don't expect anything from him.
I beleive once he feels like he does not have to perform, he will be more interested in having sex. He may be a man who has to make the first move and is put off by an aggrresive woman who suggests sex.
I suppose he might be gay but you are going to alienate him by asking him or suggesting to him that he might be gay. Just ignore that for now. You can cross that bridge if you have to.
In the meantime relax and give your marriage a fighting chance.
Good luck to you.
2007-10-12 05:27:56 · answer #6 · answered by mn lady 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sex is a very complex function. We bring to the marriage a lot of hidden agendas, like, how often, how we show our affection, where, when, how. You might want to ask him what his parents told him about sex. If you are worried about him being gay, find someone who IS gay and ask them to assess your hubby. Sometimes a husband is ambivalent about those feelings and doesn't know they have those feelings deep in their psyche. Most gay people can tell another person is gay, don't know why, but they can often tell it. Was he this way before marriage???? You might try counselling, as this is a BIG problem. If you want kids, this becomes an even bigger issue. Throughout life the sex drive goes up and down, sometimes one wants it all the time, and another time, wants no sex. It also has to do with the person feeling they are worthy of love. Could your husband be depressed? Depression usually makes the sex drive go away.
Your relationship with your hubby may have nothing to do with your being attractive at all but more about his ideas about sex. Why not ask him more about what he fantasized about sex growing up? Or how he learned about the birds and the bees. He may have no previous sexual experience and feels awkward.
Yes, stress can make one's sex drive go down. See how he is on vacation away from work. If it is the same, it is not the stress of work. Dont ask him if he is gay, some don't know they are until years later. Some people just have a low sex drive. If he loves you, maybe ask his urologist to test him for testosterone level, or give him testosterone medication.
You can also go to a doctor specializing in sexual dysfunction, but I doubt your hubby would go.
If your hubby is a closet gay, you will feel very betrayed, as he will make you feel it is your fault, when in fact, it is his fault.
2007-10-12 05:26:57 · answer #7 · answered by sweetstlouiswoman 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
there could be alot of reasons why he doesn't want sex. He could be stressed about work,money,etc. I have a much higher sex drive then my husband and it was a big problem in our relationship for a while. When we first met we were having sex multiple times a day then it went down to twice a week. At first I thought he must not be attracted to me or he is cheating. We talked about it alot and he made me understand it has nothing to do with me or our relationship. It still sometimes hurts me but I don't pressure him anymore. Now that I don't bug him we have sex a couple times a week and that works great for both of us. My advice is to communicate, find out what is really behind his lack of sex drive and quit pressuring him. The more you bug him the less he will want to confide in you or have sex with you.
2007-10-12 09:01:59 · answer #8 · answered by Sweetie28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to reality. It's like energizer bunnies in the beginning, then it slowly slacks off. To be complaining about a couple times a week is not bad. That's actually pretty normal for a married couple, especially if you've got work, bills and especially children to tend to. People get tired, and it doesn't mean you aren't attractive or he's lost attraction in you I don't think. I don't want to think that, I'm kind of like you. It's been 7 years with me and my man, and i still want it anytime we can do it, but sometimes we are so exhausted from 'life' that we crash as soon as our heads hit the pillow! if you've noticed other differences in his behavior, then talk to him, ask him what's going on with him at work, if there's anything you can do to help, definately don't antagonize him or ask him if he's gay if youre trying to get him to desire you! My man is also a production manager, and he comes home stressed out all the time. i hate it because he brings his mood from work home with him. you could always just pass by him at night nude, or in something sexy, or stop asking him and he'll wonder why your no longer persisting and it will put a little 'game' back into the relationship. Men need challenge or they get bored! Good Luck :-)
2007-10-12 05:22:14 · answer #9 · answered by HereIAm 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Stress can cause many problems . When someone is completely focused on that stress point, it's almost impossible to think about anything else. In this case, your husband cannot leave work behind him when he gets home. Why not try a nice weekend getaway at a bed and breakfast to reconnect or a room at seaside? He pulls away from you during a kiss because he doesn't want it to go any further. So when you do kiss him, don't expect it to lead to something. Maybe he'll relax and some fireworks will happen unexpectedly.
2007-10-12 05:21:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he can't hablde his buisness (you) he should know there are plenty men out there that will. Something that might work is trying to get him jealous, I mean once he realizes you are never home and that you can care less if he even tries to touch you, he might get a wake up call..
I go through this every night my problem is I already found me a lover. This whole week I've been craving for some and he has snored away so last night I said I was going to wash cloth once the kids fall asleep. Usually I wash cloth late at night and have a chance to escape........
Well Unlucky me, my hubby handled his buisness at home and then I had no need to wash cloth :)
2007-10-12 06:12:49 · answer #11 · answered by LLorona 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋