How to I tell my ex-wife that I am seeing someone else?

Question

I am currently divorced after about 4 months now my ex-wife now wants to start hanging out. I am really not sure what her intentions are, but i thnk she wants to still have somekind of relationship. Now I am seeing someone else now and although that relationship isn't that serious yet, I don't want to have any kind of relationship other than a friendship. I think she may have gotten this idea, because her best friend is divorced and her and her ex mess around and they are with other people as well. This isn't for me, even if I was single.

I don't mind having contact with her, here and there, but the idea of us going out for a drink is out of the question. I haven't told her that I am seeing someone and I thought that she was seeing someone, so maybe that's over and she wants to have some part in my life. The divorce hurt me financially and emotionally and I want to move on, but I don't want to hurt her feelng either. What would be the best approach?????

Answer 1

you just have to come out and tell her that you only want a friendship. and do tell her about your new someone.. honesty is always best ya know...

Answer 2

The substance of your question seems to imply that this other person you're seeing isn't really the basis for how you feel about spending time with your ex-wife. I get the impression that you wouldn't want to see that relationship become more serious even if you were not dating at all.

That being the case, your explaining your feelings to your ex-wife should not include anything about your seeing someone else. If you use that as an excuse, and then several months later she finds out you're no longer seeing that person, she may think she can try again.

Be honest with her without being harsh. Tell her that you still care about her as a person, and maybe even as a friend, but the opportunity for the relationship to be anything more ended with your divorce.

Answer 3

Just keep turning down those offers to get together that you don't want to accept.

I disagree that you should "be honest" and give her a big spiel.

If you don't make any moves on her, and don't accept any moves she makes, eventually she'll move on.

Although a big announcement of seeing someone is out of order, there's nothing to prevent casually mentioning the person, in the normal course of conversation. (I agree with the person who says not to use that as a reason, since, if you stop seeing her, you'll be back where you started.)

IF she is trying to start up a romantic relationship again (which you say you don't even know is true), there's no way to not hurt her feelings at all except going along with it, which would be nuts.

After all, rejection does hurt.

The big speech about not being interested is more hurtful than simply declining unwanted invitations.

I don't know why you reject the idea of meeting for drinks; that's the sort of thing the most casual of friends do. Also, it's nice and public, and not at all romantic (depending on WHERE you go, which you can suggest, if you know any friendly, hang-outy bars near by).

Answer 4

I think that considering the situation, you should just tell her that you care about her, but do not intend to do more than keep in good terms with her as the divorce really hurt you.
I think that you shouldn't tell her about your private life; She should have no say in it.
Specially since you don't know where it is going to take you and you don't need to keep her posted on what's going on in your life. She lost the right to know, the day she became your ex-wife.
I think that this is the safest way to keep her at distance and also to keep things in their place.
I wouldn't phone her regularly or at all, unless she phoned you because she had something important to share.
So, don't necessarily answer her call straight away, unless you two have children, but let her leave a message and if you think it's important enough, get back to her or do it in your own time. She will get the message.
I am totally with you on this one.
My ex-husband and I do get on better now.
But, we do respect each other's privacy, and we don't hang out.
We do have children and we want to do be the best parents ever for them, but it's clear that we are not a couple.

Answer 5

Tell her that you are seeing a very nice woman and you do not want her getting the idea that he is involved with her in the wrong way.Avoiding your ex wives phone calls and not responding to her would possibly give her the message to. In all honesty your ex needs to move on in her life and she does not need to include you. Many women would feel very uncomfortable dating you with your ex wife in the picture and this could mess up your new relationship in a big way! Women can be very territorial and would not appreciate you hanging out with someone from your past that you have a sexual history with. I wouldn't do it and be straight out open and honest if you have to with the ex. You owe her no reason to want to protect her feelings ....she had her chance with you and it did not work out! As long as you stay connected to the ex other women will not take anything with you seriously and think in their head that you still have feelings for her. Let it go 100% and don't allow the ex to get in the way of someone new in your life ....that could just be the one that was truly meant for you.

Answer 6

While it may be best for you to tell her that you are seeing someone, It may be good to ask her what her intentions are first. If her motives are to rekindle some sort of a relationship and you don't want that, then yes just tell her. but find out what she wants first because there is a chance (however slight) that she may not even realize what she is doing. This may be a good way to keep from hurting her feelings.

Answer 7

You need to be honest with her. Tell her your marriage and everything that goes with a marriage is over since the divorce was finalized. Tell her you wish her the best, but want to move on with your life. Tell her your life doesn't include her anymore and that you have started dating again. You don't have to tell you are with someone, just let her know you are back playing the field.

As always, there is a nice way to break the news. Don't resort to name calling or hurtful words. Stick to something plain and simple and seemingly devoid of feeling.

Good luck with it!

Answer 8

I've had 3 long term relationships and have recently told no. 1 to get out of my life.
I married no. 3 last month, and hadn't spoken to no. 1 for about 5 yrs, but when she found out I was getting wed I started to get several phone calls a day, and if I didn't answer there'd be a message saying I had 6 missed calls, and there'd be texts with just one word.
I still speak to her cousin (thats how she found out about the wedding) and her cousin says she does the same to her.
In the end I sent her a text asking her not to call again, and got told that she was receiving 500 silent calls a day from me!!
So i told her to go to the police if it was true, and haven't heard from her since.
No. 2 is more complicated. She's the mother of my children.
I asked her in February to come to the wedding with my kids, and about 3 weeks later she called me about something else. When I mentioned the wedding I got told she'd already booked a family holiday covering the wedding date.
At the risk of sounding awful, we went through with the wedding without my children present because I felt that she was just trying to disrupt it.
During the childrens summer holidays they normally come to stay with us for a week, but she gave no response to mail, both snail and email, and her phone was cut off.

So my advice, based on personal experience, is that unless you have a tie like children, you're best to cut her out now.

Answer 9

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. They are never easy and people's feelings are going to get hurt.

My ex husband would invent excuses to try to see me and it was very stressful. It's hard to heal from the divorce when that person is still trying to be in your life. She has to understand that when the divorce became final, she gave up the right to have the same relationship with you as she did when you were married.

You have no obligation to share any of your personal information with her (who you're dating, your job, anything).

Four months isn't very long. I'd let her know that right now things are too fresh and you need time to heal. Tell her that you don't mind talking with her from time to time, but you just don't feel comfortable with anything else right now.

Hope that helps. Good luck.

Answer 10

Yeah, been there, but we agreed that divorce was indeed divorce, and that the only thing good reheated was stuffed cabbage.

"I care for you, and in a crises I will be there for you. But we are past being married, and I have taken that to mean that our relationship is now a friendship. I need to move on, as do you. You will always be special to me."

Send it to her in an e-mail. Unless she is dumb as a sack of rocks, she ought to get the idea.

Answer 11

Just talk to her, and tell her exactly what you told us here. Tell her that you would love to have her as a friend, but the you are not interested in any kind of "romantic" involvement. Be honest. You don't have to tell her you're seeing someone else if you're not comfortable with it, but simply let her know where you stand as far as you two are concerned.