their mothers attitude about your relationship.....if your new wife was good and kind to them....would you leave in order to have a better relationship with your kids?
2007-10-12 04:30:24 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This remindes me of the movie Stepmother with Julia Roberts and Susan Surranden (spelling wrong I am sure). Regardless, same situation when I was growing up. My mom spoke bad of the "new woman" in my dad's life to us...
...Daddy did not let our anger dictate his love. It was some of the hardest years, but now I really do accept my stepmom. It is the shock that Daddy will never be with Mom again. Children take their anger out on the "stranger". Talking to the children does help-there will still be anger and hurt, but if the new woman you love IS good to you and your children, she is a keeper. She must never fall to the level of talking ugly about the ex either. No matter how right she is-in the children's eyes she will be wrong...
...My dad has been married to the step mom now for over 20 years-it ain't all good, but she is a good lady.
Best wishes to all of you.
2007-10-12 04:38:02 · answer #1 · answered by loquaciousparaiyan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, because, it may well happen with any future relationships you might have.
You have to find a right middle.
If you know for a fact and are also convinced that your new wife is trying her best then, you just have to give them time, or at the worst, to keep them separated.
But, I think that, the attitude of the mother might not help obviously and she's the one ruining the life of her children at the end of the day.
I think that, fot being in the middle, you musn't side, but to each their own. You can love both your children and your new wife.
Your children will always be your children and you will always be their dad, even if you do decide to have more children.
As for your new wife, she'll have to accept that; If you told her about your children when you met her, then she chose with her eyes open.
Still, you are allowed to have a life and to be loved by a woman, what your children can't do for you.
But, you need to always be there for them.xxx
2007-10-12 11:37:33 · answer #2 · answered by Kc 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So I guess it is a question whether to choose kids or new wife. It is quite tough to answer your question not knowing any background but asked question........so I would say this. It was your choice getting divorced with your ex wife and it was also your choice getting married with another person. Why do you want to make your new wife, who you probably wanted to spend your life together till you die suffer? You must have thought about the conclusion after the divorce or getting remarried. Why you have to ask NOW? Obviously your new wife is trying to build better relationship with your kids.....then it's your kids having issues not be able to accept her as your wife (It doesn't matter their age). Maybe your ex wife is giving them false idea to make them hate your new wife but what has your new wife done wrong....???????? If you would choose your brat kids over your new wife, you might regret your choice.
The reason is
1) Your kids may never change their attitude to you, as they are poisoned by your ex wife
2) Your new wife has got such a big heart you may never be able to meet anyone like her in your life time
Anyway.....if you would really choose your kids, your poor poor new wife would be put in miserly. Do you want to make two women hate you in your life time........and are you ready for that........
2007-10-12 11:56:49 · answer #3 · answered by Save me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree you should be happy but, the kids do come FIRST....They are the ones who were here before your new relationship and they didn't ask to be put into this situation...Of course things happen but, there are parents out there who loses focus of their children....Sometimes children don't come around as we hope or expect and it's apart of life that we need to deal with...Kids do need time to adjust and heal from a divorce or break-up...They should be involve first and know that you will be dating and meeting people...They shouldn't also meet anyone til theres a committment... If things are done right, blending families and having children accept and having their own feelings and opinions should be positive...Then we don't have to worry about what we should do or even if we should be choosing.....I, as a mother will always choose my children FIRST***
2007-10-12 12:00:05 · answer #4 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This isn’t going to be a popular answer, but I am going to give it to you any how. NO Your kids are part of your life and not your whole life. If you are in a healthy, happy relationship then they need to adjust. Your children deserve to see you happy. I know at times children can be selfish and unsupportive, but they will grow up and their minds change and eventually move on wit their lives. Where will you end up then? Your relationship with your children is independent from all your other relationships anyhow. JUst hang in there and if they see you happy they will come around.
2007-10-12 11:38:33 · answer #5 · answered by Twigits 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds as if the children are older and of the age of reason. If that is the case, no, i would not leave this good kind woman just because of my exes poisoning of the children's minds. older children need to understand that their parents are human and deserve to be loved and have love in their life. If the children are little, this could be somewhat difficult. why does the ex disapprove of the new wife?
2007-10-12 11:36:58 · answer #6 · answered by azure skye 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO! You should never let your kids have power over your life. Also, you can never let them disrespect you or this woman in anyway. If you allow this then the ex wife wins because it only allows the ex to continue the battle through her children. The ex is out of line here with the kids causing them to have loyalty issues between you and mom. She is not letting her children learn to accept this and love everyone freely on their own terms. It sounds like the ex will be a thorn in your side for a long time to come. You are the one that has to set the rules in your own life with your children ...Your choice to not be with their mother does not have to affect what they still have a choice to have with you. They can choose never to like this woman even though she is good and kind to them ....but when with the two of you are together they need to at least show her respect. Never allow them to be rude to her in your home and this will be their choice if they want to be included in being there. Some ex wives brain wash their children so severly because of their own jealousy, hurt, and pain that they make it almost impossible to relate to them. If they are young children you keep on trying and eventually they may make their own judgement on things as they grow older. If they are older children as if in married already or on their own...it is their choice how they see things and untill they can look at it differently then let them be. It would be selfish for all of them to want you to still be with their mother just to make it convienent for them for the father to be miserable and unhappy. Let no one control your life not even your children....they have their whole lives ahead of them and will if not already have someone special in their own lives.....and you will live yours alone! Your children need to accept your life now and leaving this woman will not guarantee that you will have a better relationship with your kids. This will only show them that they can get their way with you over any choice you have about your own life! Your ex wants you to be as miserable as she is and i would not give into it no matter what it would cost me. Your kids will be around on their own time because they still love you and one day this will be their choice if they are to young and stuck with a sad mother.
2007-10-12 13:07:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sound like to me that their mother is feeding her hate into the kids toward you. not much toward he new wife I would said. I am taking a guess that she blame her ex' stop loving her and seek out another woman to love. Just to make his life unhappy she make sure the kids know that the other woman is also the blame for their father to leave them and their mother. just keep a door up for your kids and be happy with you new wife.
2007-10-12 12:11:37 · answer #8 · answered by Thomas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
O course not. If you saw the Oprah show yesterday, you might have seen that step parents ought not to discipline those children. Child psychologist discussed that.... see Oprah.com for the discussion.
Further, you and your former wife need to understand the the workings of your marriages is not their concern, and neither of you ought to be bad mouthing each other to your children... inappropriate. Your children's emotions are not the playing fields of your battles... leave them out of it... any psychologist will tell you that. Your children need to know that you and their mother love them unconditionally, and will always be there for them, absolutely, and positively. And that they need never worry about that. See the discussion... interesting stuff.
2007-10-12 11:43:28 · answer #9 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would do what was best for my children I left my husband because MY kids didn't like him and he was mean to them while I was working and we are much happier now I always fought with my husband about my kids because he wanted to raise them completely different than I did my kids are 15 and 10 too
2007-10-12 11:34:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋