I am having some serious problems in my marriage and need some third party advice. I have just about had it with my husbands behavior, our living situation and financial situation. I stay at home with our 10 month old and since my husband won't work with me as far as taking care of the baby while I work, I'm unable to get a job. He refuses to agree with daycare also. Since he is the only one bringing in income we live with his family. His mother, father, sister and her two 18 year old sons. They are all out of control alcoholics, drug addicts, slobs and big mouths. They have no respect or care for anyone but themselves and they are constantly making my life more difficult. They wake the baby all hours of the night, leave disgusting messes that I have to either clean up or risk my baby getting sick or hurt from it. My husband is very unhelpful. He won't get a second job, let me get any time to myself worth talking about or get his **** together with the bills.
2007-10-12 04:24:10 · 13 answers · asked by Ruby Tuesday 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
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2007-10-12 04:24:26 · update #1
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We are soo behind that with our income now we will never get caught up. Especially since he has a $100 a week plus marijuana habit. He treats me like garbage and everyone around me tells me it's abuse but for some reason I'm in denial. He has said things to our baby like "I'm gonna smother you with this pillow if you don't shut up" or " I hope you break your foot kicking around like that." I have just had enough and want things to change but don't see it happening. Don't get me wrong I do contribute to the problems but 75% of this at least are things I can';t control. He said that if I ever left him he would find me and kill me and I'm scared. I want to work things out but see seperation as the only solution. What would you do if you were me? Please help!
2007-10-12 04:27:27 · update #2
take your child go stay with your parents and get a divorce and you will be much happier . this sounds like a real mess . but not one that you cannot get out of . say bye bye and get a divorce . good luck to you .
2007-10-12 04:55:47 · answer #1 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is IMPOSSIBLE to "fix" any problem that involves several other people by yourself. Without totally cooperation and commitment from the guy known as your "husband", things WILL get worse - NOT better. Since he is choosing to deny involvement in the problems, you basically are alone.
Sure, he wants you to stay - SOMEONE has to keep the roof on the house - you are the only SANE person there!!
What needs to be your priority, is your child! The baby has no choice in where they live and with who - right now, you live in a hostile place with totally irresponsible morons. Is this what you want the baby to grow up thinking is RIGHT? Sit down and write out everything that is WRONG with this situation. Then write out what are the benefits. Guarantee the bad will cancel out the good (IF there is any at all).
Find a place to go - even if it is at a shelter for battered women, just do it. Tell them you fear your husband because he is out of control and unpredictable. Most likely he is bluffing because he is lazy, but you never know. Whatever you have to do, just do it. Where you are right now is the worst place possible to be with a child. YOU know it is wrong, and YOU need to get out. Imagine what could happen to the baby if the house gets busted and you go to jail too - and you would, believe me.
You seem to be pretty smart, so use that lovely brain and get going!!!
2007-10-12 11:52:14 · answer #2 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that sounds like a really bad situation. In my opinion most people start out making threats and then actually start doing them. He is emotionally abusing you and u need to get out before he hurts you or your baby. U may love him but he's got a problem and you need to think about your child. I would call some local help centers or even the police to find out where you could get some help in leaving. you need to leave unexpected (not in the middle of the night) while he's at work or something. try to stay somewhere where you don't think he'll find you. Get a restraining order and inform the police of the threat he made. cuz you never know it could be more than a threat. my advice get out!! take care and good luck
2007-10-12 11:32:13 · answer #3 · answered by Samantha1029 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would move...I don't care if it as a one room apartment....No way that I would live with family members that would carry on like this.....your husband is being rather selfish...He has his own family to support but doesn't want to step up to the plate and do it...If your husband doesn't respect your feelings...take the baby and go stay with someone else that has less chaos going on...
EDIT: Now that you said that your husband spends $100 a week on marijuana when clearly the money could go somewhere else...and that he has threatened your child...I WOULD LEAVE HIS *SS BEHIND!! Why are you settling for this?? Have some more self respect and self esteem for yourself....
2007-10-12 11:31:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say to give him an ultamatum... can you go leave with your parents or friend for a bit while you get back on your feet. Your husband needs to grow some balls and for one get in his babys life and stand up for his family. He shouldnt have had a baby with you if you have to live with his family! He sounds like a prick. You need to leave.
Go to the cops first or have a parent go first. Make sure he doesnt know where you are going. Ive had past scary situations like this and all you can do is leave and hope for the best and get the cops involved. He is a loser.
2007-10-12 11:29:28 · answer #5 · answered by Lale 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave him now. That is no enviroment for your baby to be living in and you as well. You need to be the better parent for your baby and want the best for your child. I am married as well and have children. I had to get out of a messy situation with my daughter I had before i was married. It's not hard to do when it's that bad. It makes you feel good actually. That was the best thing i ever did , was leaving her father. He was doing a lot of the stuff you are saying that your husband is doing. Just leave. Someday your child will thank you a million times. Believe me, you will feel really powerful after you leave with your child and get a divorce. You husband and his family will get what is coming to them someday through karma. Take care of you and that baby of yours. There are tons of programs out there to help you out with daycare so you can work . Just look into it. If you have friends or family near talk to them and ask them for their help. In anyway, whether it's just for someone to talk to. I wish you the best of luck. I now met a great guy and i remarried and have 2 more kids with my husband. I look at my life now and i feel so proud that I had the courage to stand up for myself and speak for my baby girl. She's almost 8 and she already thanked my husband for taking us away from the bad and being her daddy. Good Luck.
2007-10-12 11:36:04 · answer #6 · answered by Tessie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would just tell him we are moving out right now. If he is not willing to go, take your child and go yourselves. If that home is unsafe then do not put your child at risk. There are lots of programs to help with childcare and training for mothers. I suspect that if he sees that you are really serious he will accompany you and you can get a fresh start.
2007-10-12 11:30:35 · answer #7 · answered by Toni O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1 - He needs to quit the drugs, that will help financially and emotionally. There are lots of ways to get help. HE has to WANT to change though! Might be tough for him, doesn't sound like he is ready.
#2 - You need to make a choice for you and your child. What are you willing to deal with? There are lots of programs out there for single moms to get back on their feet. You CAN do it. BUT, you have to want to change too. What do you want for your child? The best of course. Is this the best?
Good luck to you!
2007-10-12 11:36:53 · answer #8 · answered by trillian880 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take your baby and go to a womans shelter. Walk into a local police dept. and they will tell you exactly where to go ( maybe even take you there). If you dont get your baby out of there, someone is likely to call cps and THEY will TAKE him out. Get the f*** out of there NOW, as in NOW is what I would do.
2007-10-12 11:42:16 · answer #9 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would like to adjust as far as possible, if things are not according to the wishes, then unwillingly quit.
2007-10-12 11:29:08 · answer #10 · answered by Rana 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋