ok, parents that choose spouse over children?

Question

i just answered a q?, and it seemed interesting to keep asking about this matter.
lets say the child has misbehaved, and the step parent has punished him, what would you do? the child is crying at this point and is yelling " ur not my mom/dad" would u back ur spouse, and tell the child to to his room or would u under mined what ur spouse said and let the child off the hook?

mature answers please!

luv.•´ ¸.•*´¨) ☆.(¯`•.•´¯)
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Answer 1

Well naturally when a child is being punished by someone that is not their father/mother they are going to use this line. Talking to the child may help. They may be confused on the step parent disciplinary issue and this needs to be clearly discussed to where it's completely understood. If you are the natural parent/guardian then YOU need to decide where the step parent's authority is allowed and is not. However, this can become complicated b/c if you allow the step parent to verbally discipline the child and not other, than this can be confusing to the child. Good Luck.

In addition No child should ever be put under anyone. They should always be put first , no matter what their behavior may be. DISCIPLINE THEM, DON'T CHOOSE.

Answer 2

okay I know I am probably going to get a thumbs down for this . but I think alot of ppl forget that the child was there before the step parent entered the picture . You must let the child know that they will always come first . I mean they will always be there ,the spouse per say could divorce you or die what have you and that child will always remember the time you took the step parents side . good luck .

Answer 3

If you want to stay married I guess you would have to back your spouse but the other side of that is my Mother backed her husband who hated me and threw me out of the house when I was 12 years old.Now I already had a job washing dishes at night at a cafe.So I got an apartment and went to school during the day and worked from 4pm until 2am 6 days a week and worked a friends garage on weekends.Just a little more about where backing your husband/wife without hearing the childs side of things.Good luck.

Answer 4

The primary parent should be the one administering discipline whenever possible in an effort to avoid such conflict, especially when the relationship is still fairly new to them. Less to worry about after a year or two has gone by. But at the earliest chance, the parent should let the child know that the new stepparent will have just as much authority in the correction and well-being of them and should be respected just as much as the real parent. The parent should always back the stepparent when it's apparent the decision was right in correction of the child.

Answer 5

It is important for the parents to discuss how the real parent wants the step parent to punish the child before they have to. And they should always back each other in those situations. Because if a child sees that their mom/dad undermining the other one, then that would make the child act out more. Believing that their mom/dad will come to their rescue, and that just causes more problems. I am a step parent and my husband always backs me. It is his mother that jumps our case when she thinks we are being to hard on him. And she does it in front of him. So he always smirks at you when this happens, and when we are around her he is worse because he thinks he can get away with it.

Answer 6

I believe that a step parent should not be doing the punishing....Yes, the child should respect the step parent like he or she would any adult....I strongly feel that its the job of the parent to scold the child if needed..I know that my ex-husband and I have had many dicussions about this and we agree that no matter who we decide to be with we are the ONLY ones to scold and punish our children....The step parent should address the problem or concern with the parent but, its a decision that should be made and come from the natural parent....This is something I don't feel otherwise or would change no matter what.....Even if I was a step parent to a child, it would not be my place to deal with the child in that manner...

Answer 7

It's not about parent or step parent. It's about teaching the child to respect adults and especially adults in a position of authority. You have to back the spouse in front of the child.

Answer 8

I would reprimand the child and tell him/her you do not speak to adults in this manner, go to your room. Once everything has cooled off, you (both parents) go in and talk with the child about how you speak to adults, parents or not.

My mom let my brother do this to my step dad (disrespect). Now he is almost 18 and totally out of control. He has no respect for any adults and major problems with authority of any kind. He is the baby of the family and my mom lets him get away with murder.

So, the short answer. Always back up the other parent. Kids need to see you both on the same side. Otherwise they will pit you against one another.

Answer 9

Back your spouse (considering they are being reasonable). You have to show a united front or the child will never have respect for the step parent or respect for the two of you as a couple, a married couple.

Answer 10

The adults can never be underminded in front of the children. Unless he is beating the kid then that is a different story. If my husbands disciplines the kids and I disagree with the punishment then I talk to him about it later in private. We come to a resolution and either I stick by his punishment or HE changes it with the child. Roles reversed is the same way. Our kids don't see us disrespect one another and that makes for a stronger family home.