We're told to do our best and work on our marriages to avoid divorce, but what if you have to? When is it not ok and when is it ok? After your divorce, how did you feel? Why did you get divorced? Do you regret it?
2007-10-12 03:25:01 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My mom and dad were married in the temple...my mom knew after the first year that she would end up divorced. They stayed married for 6 years, she left him a few times and he always promised he would "change" so she would go back to him...but no change. It came down to she wanted an eternal family and he wasn't interested in being a father (even though they had 2 kids) or in being a member of the church anymore. He said to her "Let's stay married but live our own lives." That was it. My mom knew she deserved better and felt she had given it as much of a try as she could. yes, we are encouraged to stay together, IF the marriage is going to work.,.but it takes both to make it work and when both don't, then it is pointless.
I think every situation is different but ALL situations should have counsel with the Lord. I know my mother was hurt, felt that no one would ever want her with two kids, that she was doing something "wrong"...but after much praying and fasting, she knew it was right for her. Two years later, she was able to be married and sealed to a wonderful man, he raised her two kids and they had two kids. They have been married, going on, 25 years this year. Sure, they have had struggles like any marriage, but they are both willing to make the sacrifices and the effort to keep their marriage working.
All decisions like this, I think, need help from the Lord. He knows what is best for us and will help us know if we ask.
Good luck to you - if you are the one contemplating it.
2007-10-12 08:39:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Was married for 22 years and the ex divorced me to marry his then pregnant g/f. It hurt and took a long time to get over. But, once over it, am now very happily settled into a long term relationship with a man who is honorable, has integrity, is kind and everything I thought and wanted my ex to be. Don't know how I lived without this man and worship the ground He walks on--literally! But one of the good things in our relationship is that I do have my "own" time, my downtime. We're together 3-4 days a week and the rest of the time I can do what I please, when I please.
It's okay, and usually advisable, to divorce if your spouse is a cheater or an abuser. Don't stay with a man "for the kids sake." The kids usually know when something is wrong and staying together for them is normally fruitless as they grow up maladjusted--which is what parents are trying to avoid!
But do work on your marriage. It's well worth it, but it does take a lot of work, hard work!
Good luck.
2007-10-12 10:52:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've been divorced since August 2007. I loved my husband dearly. He says he 'fell out of love' with my. We separated..I filed for divorce 2 weeks after he left. When the divorce was final, yes, I felt like a failure. Extremely sad and hurt. But now, I'm starting to pick up the pieces and move forward. I cant be stuck dwelling on the past. We were married for 7 years. I thought we'd be married forever. I HAD regrets...but, I'm learning that life goes on!!
2007-10-12 10:59:08 · answer #3 · answered by RP 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am divorced for now a year. But only 30 yrs old. I married the wrong man for the wrong reasons. Its tough for about the 1st 6 months, You think to ur self am I ever going to meet someone again? I have been going on dates with many people. You have to explore and meet new people. Otherwise u are going to lock urself up in ur home and alienate everyone. Have fun enjoy freedom
2007-10-12 10:38:24 · answer #4 · answered by sarah s 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i got divorced because of my ex.husbands constant cheating i couldnt take it anymore divorcing him was the best thing i ever did i finally felt like i had a life.
2007-10-12 13:58:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not divorced, but I do know women who were. One I know was because of adultery on her husband's part. I know her children from her first marriage like their new step father better than they do their father.
2007-10-12 11:48:48 · answer #6 · answered by mormon_4_jesus 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My dad was a violent alcoholic, a drug user, and boy he could turn on the charm when he wanted to. He threw my youngest brother (4yrs old) head first in to a 55 gallon drum full of firewood and gave him a concussion. He later did unspeakable things to my sister (she was 7 at the time).
My mom would endure abuse my dad gave her, but when he sent the 4yr old to the ER she called it quits.
When they went to talk to the bishop my dad poured on the charm. When my mom went and told the bishop about this, and told him that she was no longer going to stay married, she had her temple recommend revoked. To her, it was a severe rejection at a very vulnerable time. In her heart that's when she walked away.
We were 6 kids with a single mom trying to get buy on welfare. A lot of rough stuff happened. My youngest sister, terrified of rape after hearing from my mom and her older sister about abuse, and also being pressured by her peers joined a gang when she was 11 years old. She was violent, drug-using, and promiscuous. She wasn't raised that way, and in her heart she knew what she was doing wasn't right. When she went to a Mormon bishop as a scared 11 year old little girl, and told him everything, he told her she was not worthy to take the sacrament. In her heart she felt like she came back to God with her hat in her hand, and he slapped her for it. She went back to the gang hard-core. Its been 12 years and she is just now, as a drug-free, hard working, honorable adult and mommy of a beautiful baby, starting to be interested in God, not for herself, but for her daughter.
All divorce is not evil. Here are two scripture quotes: "God hates divorce"(Mal 2:14-16), and "God divorced Israel"(Jer 3:6-11 esp 3:8). Its not a good thing, but there are times its the only appropriate thing. God is holy, and never does any evil at all ever. In divorcing Israel, he committed no sin.
The LDS church does not read its own holy bible, and can be very judgmental toward people who are trying to walk away from the darkness.
If you get divorced, then be prepared for some people who dont understand you, and arent willing to take the time to really understand your first, to condemn you and shun you for doing the best you could. Thats not all people, there are some who are amazingly loving.
My brother went to live with my dad about 8 years after the divorce. They fought a lot. Finally he decided to move out. He woke up in the ER after having been in a coma for 3 days. His throat was cut, but he lived. I have no doubt at all that if my mom had not divorced my dad then my family would be much more Jerry Springer material than it is now. That divorce saved my life.
PS: The mormon church wont tell you this, but your doctor will. If your man is sleeping with anyone but you, then he can bring home diseases. Dont just "take him back". Make him take a blood test and prove he isnt going to give you another reason to regret him for the rest of your life.
A man can act like any person for about 3 months. The way to tell truth is 1) words and 2) actions watched together 3) over a long time. If the words and actions dont match up, or they are inconsistent, then understand why before trusting.
You can give your heart away, but you cant take it back. Be careful how you give it. Divorce is like separating two pieces of tissue paper that have been glued together. You dont get out what you started with. Dont expect to.. it takes time to heal. You dont get a pearl without a lot of suffering. God is making us pearls.
2007-10-12 10:59:01 · answer #7 · answered by Curly 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Cons are you feel like a failure. The pros are your free.#
2007-10-12 10:32:33 · answer #8 · answered by nhuvi j 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋