My mother doesn't want me to move out. What should I say to make her loosen her death grip?

Question

If you've seen my previous questions, you know that my mother doesn't want me to leave the state to go to college. She uses guilt trips to manipulate me into never leaving her house. What should I say to each of her arguments? I need tactical assistance, please:

1. "If you move, your grandparents will die. How could you walk out on them when they're old?"
2. "If you move, I will have strokes, seizures and heart attacks every day! I guess you don't care about your own mother."
3. "If you move you'll miss your niece grow up! That is evil! Don't you care about anyone but yourself?"
4. "If you move you will get pregnant! How embarrassing!"
5. "If you move I won't ever help you with anything again! Don't expect anything from me, girl."

Answer 1

I have read your previous questions and unfortunately, some people aren't willing to educate themselves to their full potential. You should be proud of yourself that you are- I have MS and my father is always comparing me to other people. Even though I have given him literature about MS- he still refuses to understand that it's not in my head.

If you really desire to move out then I would just move. I wouldn't tell your mother or make it a big deal. You have several choices and not one of them will be the "correct" choice unless you feel it's what you should honestly do.

You can sit down and tell your mother that she needs to let you go. Explain to her that she is not losing you as a daughter, but as a child it is your duty to reach above and beyond her. If you are scared to talk to your mother then I would try writing her a note.

You can just pack your bags and leave. Being independent can be difficult and scary- and sometimes all we do seek is that approval from our parents. Once you've accomplished your goals, perhaps then your mother will come around.

I wish you much luck- you deserve to have positive people around you not negative.

Answer 2

1 - "My grandparents will not die just because I move. And if they do, I can come home for the funeral."

2 - I'll come home for your funeral, too, mom.

3 - I haven't seen her in 3 years. I hear that her mother let her get a tattoo and a motorcycle, though.

4 - For me, or for you?

5 - Will it be psychological help and encouragement like you're giving me now?

Seriously, mom sounds like she's got some real insecurities. But you are not her keeper, and she has to realize that sooner or later, you'll move out. Tell her you love her, and you'll call and write, but that it's time to move on and establish your own life. Maybe you can get a puppy or kitten for her to mother while you're away.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

"Oh Mom, I know it's really hard for parents to see their children leave and start new lives, but it's ok. Everything will be ok. I will never stop loving you and will come to visit you and family every chance I get."

Then I would leave it at that. It's your mom's problem to figure out her own emotions and deal with them. It's not good arguments you need towards your mom, but support and reassuring love.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Just move, your parents don't own you. You have the responsibility and the right to live your own life.

Do it now because in 10 years you'll be further in your rut.

Answer 6

I would ignore her i know its hard. But your mom is ultra controlling. Either sit her down and tell her that it is bothering you or ignore it.