My name and his ex wife's name sounds the same. (For anonymity),Say my name is Linda and the ex's name is lisa.Lisa and Linda starts with the same letter and first syllable starts the same way.So the frist time it happened,we just finished having sex.He wants me to pull the sheets up so he says,"Lisa, can u pull the sheets up?"and im like,"WHAT?!!?"and he was embarassed and schocked at the same time but was laughin hard too.I didnt like it of course.I made a big deal out of it that first time but i everntually fograve him.It has happened a few more of times now but I understand it really sounds the same(they have been divorced for a long time now maybe 6 or 7yrs now.)Last night,he was on the phone and he was referring to his ex wife but said "my wife"!So now im really pissed.This is called a FREUDIAN SLIP--a thought consciously repressed but UNconsciously released.But he hates her and i know that. But what do i do?i dont like it!Should I be mad at him?There is no excuse now right?
2007-10-12 03:09:34 · 12 answers · asked by switbaby9 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
They were married 10yrs but have been divorced for 6 or 7yrs now
2007-10-12 03:10:20 · update #1
He HATES his ex wife. HATES her gutts! but it seems like somwhere deep inside, i dont think thats all. should i really try to keep looking into this? I dont want to ruin our marriage but I dont like being referred to as his ex either.
2007-10-12 03:18:19 · update #2
We have been together 3 years--married a year and 3months. And I know he loves me and that he hasnt loved like he does with me. But they have been divorced for YEARS now!!!
2007-10-12 03:20:14 · update #3
By the way, they have a 13yr old daughter together so they kind of have to be talking to each other regarding their dughter's stuff. I take care of most of my step daughters stuff but she has ADD so they are working on the psychiatrist part together.
2007-10-12 03:25:57 · update #4
do you really think he still has feelings for her or is it just vengeance? she really ruined my husband's life back then. she even lied and said she was raped by my husband! he stayed in jail for 3days coz of that ***** and now i think he hates her for all of that. somehow, i think theres something else to that
2007-10-13 03:17:03 · update #5
What you're not taking into account is that he didn't hate her for the whole 10 years of their marriage. He felt comfortable with her, and loved her, for several of those years, surely. What the mind tends to do when it comes to memory is to associate memories with feelings. So, when his brain goes to retrieve a name, it goes and whips one out of the "love and contentment and feeling married" drawer. There are two names in that drawer: yours and hers. Yours fills more space, but memories of his ex associated with those feelings are still in there too, so sometimes the brain makes a simple clerical error and pulls out the wrong one.
Here's the only way you would know you might be in trouble. If he is talking to someone else about how much he hates and can't stand his ex and THEN he substitutes your name, you should worry. See, right now, his ex's name is in a few drawers, one of which I have already explained. However, her name is also in the "hate" drawer. Presumably, your name is not in that drawer at all.
So, if he ever does that, then throw a fit. In the meantime, I hope you'll cut him some slack.
2007-10-12 03:23:32 · answer #1 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel the first time your husband called you by his ex wife's name was an honest mistake on his part. And being that he did so after having sex with you and not during is a plus. Since you got upset I feel by him not wanting to repeat the same mistake again has only kept this on his mind even more so. I know this is upsetting, but he is married to you, and since the names sound so similar just take it as a dumb mistake on his part. It is only a name. I bet once you ignore this he will relax more and it will be easier for him to stop doing it. Best of luck to you!
2007-10-12 03:19:09 · answer #2 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't make a big deal of it. Like you said, he hates her, and he obviously doesn't hate you if you two are making love and still married! Just bring it to his attention again, in a calm understanding way, let him know that it really bothers you and that if he wouldn't mind making the extra effort to think before he speaks.
The first time was probably truly an accident but I'm sure after that he was embarrassed, like you said, and was self conscious about it- thus causing him to think about it a lot and he slipped again.
I know it sounds confusing but trust me- I've been there, I've introduced my husband as my ex a thousand times, even years after my ex and I have been split.
2007-10-12 03:21:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, everyone make mistakes. He isn't perfect. You state you know he doesn't like his ex-wife, so he isn't longing for her. Give him a break. I'm sure he realizes his mistake and is trying to keep it from happening. The problem is when you try not to do something, you tend to do it more. He was married to her for 10 years and with your name being similar, he is bound to make that mistake a few times. Give the man a break and a shot in the ribs when he blows it. You could turn it into dinners out, flowers, or jewelery. God bless.
2007-10-12 03:28:31 · answer #4 · answered by A friend of Bill W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you emphasize how much he hates her might point to a problem- hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is...so if he thinks about his ex enough to "hate" her then you should be concerned. The ideal situation would be if he was indifferent to her and could care less.
2007-10-12 03:36:37 · answer #5 · answered by Ashleigh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be nice to think that he does not enter into marriage lightly and less attachment. It would then be reasonable that the her name is really burnt into his memory.
How long have you been together?
I know that I have a difficult time keeping my sons names apart.
2007-10-12 03:18:15 · answer #6 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to remember how strong an emotion hate is. She could be always in his mind like a slow fire and it leads to him slipping up with names.
Just give him a good spanking every time he slips up ; )
2007-10-12 04:29:06 · answer #7 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you may be making too much of a thing about it if you know he hates her. I keep calling one of our dogs "shadow" now and then but that dog, "Shadow" have been dead for over a month now. It probably is just that he talks before he thinks so that you needn't worry as long as he is with you
2007-10-12 03:19:54 · answer #8 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand you being upset, but don' t get mad at him, maybe sit down and work out a pet name or nickname he can call you and then there can't be anymore excuses!!!!!
2007-10-12 03:16:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have heard that people do this when they are in a comfortable situation like they have been in before. It would upset me also....regardless.
2007-10-12 03:14:37 · answer #10 · answered by Rein 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋