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I'm a bit behind in college (22) but am very interested in a college on the east coast. I'd be living with friends while going and would love nothing more. My mother is very negative. She says I'm a loser, worthless and nothing compared to her friend's kids who already graduated (even though one of them had three kids by my age because she's a call girl on weekends; nope, she has a college degree so she's a beacon of inspiration).

I told her that I want to move to get my degree, and she threatened me with the following:

1. If I move, my grandparents will both die. Keep in mind they're both 70, but are very active and have no health problems.

2. If I move, my mother will have daily strokes, heart attacks and seizures (she has none of the above and is 47)

3. If I move my neice will grow up and I will miss it. My neice is 6, and would be 8 if I decided to return.

4. I will get pregnant by "all sorts of men" if I move. !

She does this day after day. How do I deal?

2007-10-12 02:32:03 · 9 answers · asked by guess 5 in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

9 answers

Ho\ly crow--and I thought my significant other is a control freak!

Honey, first of all, your grandparents are going to die SOMEDAY of SOMETHING and where you live will have nothing to do with it. Yes, they will have to live without you in their lives, but sounds to me like they are more accepting of this than your mother is. (Probably your father's parents anyhow!)

Secondly, exactly why is it that your mother THINKS she is going to be having daily strokes and heart attacks? Sounds to me like she is trying to put you on a major guilt trip to keep her baby at home. If she does not already have a history of these things I doubt very seriously that she is going to develop them just because you move away.

So? Your neice will grow up and you will miss it. I live in Florida and my daughter and grandson live in Tennessee and I'm missing watching him grow up. But guess what? I raised my daughter to be independent and I know that she does not need my help raising my grandson and is probably better off without me there interfering, which I most probably would do!!! Sure, I miss being with her and watching my grandson's growth, but I get to Tennessee about twice a year for visits and those moments are precious and dear to me; I certainly savor them.

As far as I can recollect, unlike a cat, you can only get pregnant by one man at a time and if you take precautions you shouldn't even be getting pregnanat at all unless you want to! I assume you're old enough to know about birth control--and I would hope you have enough morals to not be sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry that you happen to meet along the way. I believe that your mother probably raised you better than that and she should have faith that she did "the right thing" by you and that you are a decent sort of young woman and know when and how to keep your legs together!!!

How do you deal, my dear? Cut those apron strings and do what's right for you: Move!!!

Good luck.

2007-10-12 02:51:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

It sounds like she's trying to hold you back.

In one breath she's saying you're a loser for not graduating already, but at the same time she's saying everything will go down the tubes if you're not around.

I say you are old enough to decide what you want to do with your life, if you want to move and go to college to better yourself, then by all means do it! I'd just tell her to get off your case, and that because you want to go to school doesn't mean the sky is falling.

2007-10-12 02:45:47 · answer #2 · answered by Kelly 2 · 0 0

It's unfortunate, but some parents try to munipulate their kids, as yours is trying to munipulate you. She's probably afraid of losing you and instead of being honest she is lashing out the only way that she knows how. As a young adult you have to live your life for yourself and go after your dreams because if you don't in the end you will end up angry and resentful toward your mom. Go after your dreams and be happy. The only thing I can tell you about your mom is to let her know that you have made up your mind and stick to it. Sit and talk with your grandparents and be honest.........tell them what your mom has told you about them. Tell them your hearts desire about your dreams. Then, sit down with your little neice and explain to her that you are going to school in another state but that you are only a phone call away. Tell her that she can know that you are near her because when she looks up at the clouds you are looking at them too. don't make it too serious because she is so young. Hope this helps

2007-10-12 02:48:39 · answer #3 · answered by Lady D 2 · 1 0

Your mother needs some serious help! Please do not give in to her guilt trips! Turn a deaf ear to her threats & warnings. You need to go to college & get away from this suffocating hold your mom has on you. You will find that being on your own & becoming independent is the best thing you could ever do. Good Luck!

2007-10-12 03:00:27 · answer #4 · answered by SuziQ211 7 · 0 0

OH MY GOODNESS! You mother really does not want to see you leave and that is simply the problem. I wouldnt focus so much on the things that she is saying. But trust me, if those things happen, it will not be because you went off to college. You must remember that this is your life and if you allow her to hold you back you might hate her in the long run. So, tell mom you love her much, but begin your life and be happy.

2007-10-12 02:49:32 · answer #5 · answered by notablewoman 3 · 0 0

Laugh. Promise to call your mom, Grandparents, and your niece once a week, and to come home on vacations. Also, promise your mom that you will only get pregnant twice while your away. Talk with your Grandparents. Maybe they can help you straighten out your mom on your education. Then, you need to talk with your mom and point out how ridiculous she is being that you love her very much. God bless.

2007-10-12 03:42:22 · answer #6 · answered by A friend of Bill W 5 · 0 0

AAAAAAAAAAH UR MOTHER IS SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN!!!!!!!

IT'S YOUR LIFE!!!

YOU CHOOSE: GO TO COLLEGE AND BE SOMEONE IN LIFE, OR STAY AND LIVE UNDER YOUR MOM'S WINGS FOREVER!!!!

LET HER KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, UR PARENTS WON'T DIE, THEY ARE HEALTHY!
UR MOTHER IS A DRAMA QUEEN, SHE WON'T HAVE ANY HEALTH PROBLEM!
AND U CAN SEE UR NIECE ALL THE TIME WHEN U COME BACK!!!

AND U WONT GET PREGNANT, IM SURE UR NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL!!!

seriously, go for college, u will see in the future that college might help u A LOT for working and for being sucessful.

2007-10-12 02:44:06 · answer #7 · answered by keen 3 · 1 0

who's the mom and daughter in your family? your mom sounds like my freakin 4 year old daughter.

go to school you want, and maybe your mom will grow up.

i'd really like to see a person having daily strokes, heart attacks and seizures and survive another day for repeat of strokes, heart attacks and seizures.

2007-10-12 02:38:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

You politely tell her, that your life is about you!!! And not other people, yur granparents mite just survive, your not being there, its your moms way of holding you back!! JUST DO IT, and say no more, if she starts, just tell her to STOP IT, and walk her off!!! I have grown kids (in their 30's), doing well, not living in my BACKDOOR!!! Suggest to her, that she too, go to school!! She needs something to fill her time!! Enjoy your life, do well!!

2007-10-12 05:00:34 · answer #9 · answered by happywjc 7 · 0 0

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