Yesterday, I bought a car seat... well, my grandmother says to me, "I really hate to see you buy all of these things ahead of time." I just stared at her. Then she continued, "Like the crib, the car seat..."
Still, I was just confused. I said, "Well, I do have to have the car seat to bring the baby home from the hospital. I am 7 months and I am NOT waiting until the last minute." ....and trust me, her comment was no implication of a baby shower.
I told my mother about it and she said that when she had my sister, my grandmother told her to put her in a basket, instead of a bassinette! My mouth just dropped. I am so thankful my mother broke the cycle of bad motherhood!
I am just looking so forward to her "advice" once I have my son... anyone else with crazy experiences?
2007-10-12 02:28:29 · 20 answers · asked by Holy Macaroni! 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Let me clarify... this is my great grandmother I am talking about.. and yes, she was a crappy parent. I know for a fact. My grandmother, my mother, and I grew up thinking we were never good enough, because she always put us down. I can judge her all I want, because I have known her all of my life and know what she is really all about.
2007-10-12 02:41:40 · update #1
Hahaha..yea....you should talk to some older folks they did some really crazy stuff to the kids. When my daugher was 2 and scratching herself because of a mosquito bite my grandmom told me to tie her hands up to the bed when she is sleeping. I was shocked. She then said "what? It always worked for me with your aunts and uncle." then when I protested she waved me off with her hand saying " You kids these days....." As if I was wrong for thinking this was wrong. Another one "beat them to make them go to sleep...they will cry so hard that they will finally fall asleep." Gee, beating a child hard enough so they will sleep, why didn't I think of that. It all makes sense now.....I have cried my self to sleep before... Lock them in a closet until they behave themselves. I could go on. Motherhood with the "oldies" is fun. But sometimes their advice IS good. Like how to help when the kid has gas (to my great relief it wasn't another torture suggestion). Congradulations on your pregnancy and (soon) parenthood! It's a roller coaster ride (you get highs, the lows and sometimes loops).
2007-10-12 02:48:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Oh yes, the crazy advice will get a whole lot worse. I was fairly lucky, my family lives on the other side on the country and my partners family all has kids already and have their hands too full to give me stupid advice. But I still get stopped by little old ladies in the street, to comment on "no hat, bad clothes, having a dummy, too many clothes, In my day......., bottle feeding, breastfeeding" the choice goes on as to what people can complain about, and then give you advice on top.
Do what your intuition suggests. Listen to the midwives in the hospital and you have done the right thing getting a safe place for the baby to sleep and a car seat too. The next thing your gran will say is that she dressed her kids in a flour sack, lol. Maybe she just is never happy unless complaining, my Grandmother is like that, nag nag, whinge whinge, until she gets her own way. Your baby your family, do it your way.
Good luck.
2007-10-12 09:45:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have 1 or 2 out there. Most of my aunts, uncles, grandparents, are deceased. It could also be your Grandmothers age and the fact she grew up in the depression. My grandmother carried all her kids in baskets. That's all they had back then. My dad as a infant slept in a chest drawer with blankets so he wouldn't fall out. So keep that in mind. We live in a modern age and forget what a difficult time the 1920's and 30's were. Do what you need to for your sonâ¥
2007-10-13 09:35:39 · answer #3 · answered by Squirt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uh, my MIL is sixty (not eighty) and is very aggressively trying to foist off stuff from her other grandchildren on us. And the stuff was already used when my SIL got it! I try to explain to her about safety standards and recalls and she says, 'Well, it never tipped over when ______ used it.' She insisted on us using my husband's highchair, even though there are parts missing, because it's 'perfectly good'! Finally my parents offered to buy us a crib set (don't get me started...) once the baby gets here, and instead of being insulted, she was RELIEVED!
My MIL grew up as one of seven children and so I think she has this idea that everything can be reused again and again and again. Plus she's very 'cheap' when it comes to my husband (but not her daughter and the other grandkids... again, don't get me started) and so I also suspect that her refusal to buy anything new is a kind of passive-aggression. If she does that, someone else will buy it, and she won't need to spend a cent!
There is being frugal and then there's being stupid. You aren't trying to break the bank; you are trying to do what's best for your child. Stick to your guns, register for what you want and hope to heaven someone with an ounce of sense buys it for you. As for refusal to buy anything until the baby's here safely, we're hesitant after three losses, and yet we're buying stuff anyway. That's why they created store receipts!
2007-10-12 10:37:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My experiences with my family were not exactly like yours, but my whole family is certifiable! And when I was a new mom, they looked for ways to get under my skin. Either I was swaddling the baby too tight, or not tight enough. Either I was nursing too often or not often enough. Everyone felt that I should dress my baby girls in pink, not blue. If I dressed them in pink then I was sexually stereotyping. I used cloth diapers, and they thought I should use disposable. My first baby had colic, and they said that it was my fault. Either I left my baby in a draft, or I should stop nursing and switch to formula. They thought I should let her cry it out alone instead of walking the floor with the baby for hours. If I gave her a pacifier I was going to ruin her teeth. If I didn't, I was being insensitive to her need to suck. It was crazy.
I don't know why families do this to new moms. My advice to you is to nip things in the bud now. I know that you will probably be very nervous about labor, delivery, and being a new mom and the last thing you need is meddling family members. Just smile graciously and gently remind everyone that when you need help you'll ask for it.
Your family loves you, but they don't always know what's best for you and your baby. Best of luck in the coming months and years! :D
2007-10-12 10:07:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well I know where you're coming from - older people have superstitions about buying things for the baby before the baby arrives...but cherish your Gran - as somebody else said on here - she won't be around forever...my wife is 13 weeks now and has had 2 mc this year...she's 27 (sorry 28 as of Monday) and both her parents are dead..her Mum died when my wife was only 18months old...then her Gran helped her Dad raise her - she past away too 10 years ago...so believe me, she would LOVE to have a realtive to talk to or listen to...you know your own mind+what is best for you+baby...but let your Gran think that your taking her advice on board (even if you don't)...I gurantee you her face will light up! Good luck+congrats!
2007-10-12 09:45:20 · answer #6 · answered by Frank 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, times have changed..( thank goodness) at one time there were no car seats to bring your baby home in..you just held him/her/ in your arms..People put babies in a basket ( made for a baby) it wasn't bad mothering....it's just the way it was...so give your well-meaning grandmother a break, she is from the old school...she's maybe thinking that you will get the things you need as gifts...you are being way too sensitive...
2007-10-12 09:41:15 · answer #7 · answered by Dee F 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have to understand that back in your grandma's times, that was probably an acceptable thing to do. All of our new technology is truely unneeded. Your baby could survive with just breast milk, some blankets, and some cloth diapers that you launder daily and hang out to dry.
It is good you are getting prepared to have a modern day baby. Take any advice she gives you, and just nod your head and smile. Obviously you aren't going to put your baby in a laundry basket or something!
Everyone has their own crazy ideas. My dad tried to make my mom find the parts to my old crib so my daughter could sleep in it. Sorry, but a pile of 25 year old parts isn't going to make a bed for my child. I guess he expected me to just guess how it all goes together.
You will get a lot of 'gifts' from people who had kids recently. Like their old baby swing that has been growing mold in the garage and is missing a few parts... smile and nod and thank everyone, and do your own thing. Who knows, maybe your grandma was planning on giving you her 50 year old basket for babies!
2007-10-12 09:37:38 · answer #8 · answered by Alyssa and Chloe's Mommy 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
yes my nan can be like that sometimes to like if i buy something of good value and quality like a bassinette she will say why dont you just use something cheaper like just the basket thing on the floor well i just ignore her i think its just because they were grown up very different and didnt have things like this back in there day but for god sake you are 7 months so you are allowed to buy whatever you need for the baby gl
2007-10-12 09:58:18 · answer #9 · answered by klcarter85 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom was obviously upset when I told her I was pregnant. She said it was just more things to be worried about (her dad had just died) - Well, about 2 weeks after I told my mom I was pregnant, she asked if I was going to get my tubes tied afterwards...and than she asked again not too long ago..
She also has said things like don't buy stuff now its bad karma.
She's nuts sometimes-but she lives with me, and she speaks her mind. I understand it, but it doesn't go w/ out hurt feelings on occassion.
I"m 28 by the way lol...not a youngin...she lives w/ us, not vice versa.
2007-10-12 10:31:52 · answer #10 · answered by tw9165 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋