My husband is alone, literally. I'm the only person in the world he has. His mother...well, haven't got even a call in almost a year. He tried to speak with his brother on messenger, and he didn't answered... he is just so sad sometimes... I want to cheer him up. I'm always hugging him, calling him etc, but i know that form the inside he still sad. I want to cheer him up, but how?
2007-10-09
18:05:36
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22 answers
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asked by
Pinky
5
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
NO BABIES
AND HE GETS ALL THE SEX WHE WANTS, THE WAY HE LIKES
And about visiting his family, 3 months ago his sister came and I opened the door: she didn't even sayd good morning, she just gave me his last documents that he had in his mother house, and left. She even didnt ask for him.
2007-10-09
18:15:34 ·
update #1
sometimes he gets too jelous, and i know that's because i'm the only person he has...
2007-10-09
18:17:01 ·
update #2
The pet thing is in process. I just gave in adoption my 2 parakeets (i couldn't keep them), he got really sad...so i will buy a yorkie.
2007-10-09
18:20:38 ·
update #3
JAJAJA. i'm not asian. i'm hispanic, and we dont have babies bcz economically we cant right now.
2007-10-09
18:49:21 ·
update #4
Find a way for him to visit his family. It may be just what he needs. <<---- Ok with the new information about his family, I am getting a better idea of what the problem really is. It would have been nice to know that his family is upset with him for whatever reason up front. It definatley would have changed my perspective.
It appears the rift in his biological family life is what is causing the turmoil. In any situation it is nice to know what the root of the problem is. My suggestion is to find out why his family is shunning him, unless you already know that is. Which I have a feeling you do know. Concentrate all of your energy in fixing that rift. How to do that greatly depends on what the source of the problem is.
If his family is treating him this way because of you, then you need to make amends or hubby will eventually start to dispise you. Let his family know that he is your husband just like he is their sibling, or son. Tell them if they love him, then they need to be willing to work out the poblems in a civilized maner.
Your husband should see the great lengths that you are going through, and this should help boost his moral some. Enough at least that he will see that you have his best interest at heart, and this should prevent him from attaining ill feelings towards you later on.
Remember that compromizing does not mean you have to admit that you are wrong, it just shows that you understand how the other person feels and are willing to meet them half-way in order to gain a resolution to the matter!
If all else fails, get him to Dr. Phil's TV show. I am sure Dr. Phil can fix about anything.
2007-10-09 18:09:10
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answer #1
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answered by Phill Lee 4
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When 2 people are together in a happily married couple, they should not need nor want anybody else to cheer them up because you and only you are the person with the ability to do this. I am sure his mother and brother may not be responding (as long as there isnt a falling out) then I would assume the brother is busy. Mums tend to get upset over trivial things and I think if this is the case, she would expect him to call her, after all she is his mother. I don't know why you aren't able to cheer him up, if this is your husband, you must know him well!
I would suggest going away for a weekend to a retreat because relaxation is the ultimate cheering up. You could try dressing up for him when going to the bedroom, cook him dinner, take him sailing, go out with friends that really care about him, give him a massage, suprise him with lunch at work, tell him to meet up his friends, host a small get together at your house, buy a pet (kitten or puppy).
There is so many things you can do and they are all very useful and if things get really bad, let him see the doctor and they can help him.
All you can do is be there to support and love him and tell him that, he may need reassurance or some love so just hold him and tell him its going to be ok!
2007-10-09 18:15:30
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answer #2
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answered by Anonymous
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Try to discover the real problem as to why he cares whether they call him or not. I mean, he's got an okay wife (j/k), but maybe he grew up looking to please them and never could.
Offer to him that you love him so much that you'll tell his mother and his brother (if need be) that it is shameful that they have such a wonderful and caring son (brother)and they won;t even call or answer msgs to check up.
And the long distance phone bill excuse is crap these days. WIth my cell phone (Cingular) I can call anywhere in the country on weekends for free. I'm sure other carriers have similar plans, too.
Although the having sex is a good idea. The sex will get his mind off of it for about an hour afterwards.
g/l
2007-10-09 18:19:26
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answer #3
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answered by captn_carrot 5
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You can't. The only thing that you can do is be there for him. My husband went through the same thing. He did not speak to his Mom for over 5 years (they are now talking again) His Dad is a drug addict as well as one of his brothers. this just kills him. His ex wife has ran him through the wringer with his kids and still refuses to allow the children to speak to him. So I know how hurt, angry, frustrated and just plain sad he gets. I just reassure him that I love him. I show him that I love him by supporting him in what ever he decides to do or not do. I listen to him when he needs to talk and I sometimes have to force him when I know he needs to talk. Don't let him keep his feelings all jumbled up inside. A wife knows when her husband is upset if he won't talk to you on his own make him. I even have to go so far as to pick a fight to get my hubby to talk about stuff. He gets so mad when I do this at the beginning but it gives him a way out. A way to start the conversation. He usually ends up in tears and I hold him and tell him I love him and then he is okay. Men don't think that it is okay to show their feelings or that they can show weakness. Once you break down that barrier with your husband he will be able to talk more about his feelings. Until he starts talking he is not dealing with them. If he doesn't deal with them he will never get happy. My hubby has mostly good days now even when everything is going on. It is because he knows that no matter what I will be here , that I will love him and not judge him . Good luck to you and your hubby. With your help your hubby will be okay
2007-10-09 18:16:39
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answer #4
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answered by D and G Gifts Etc 6
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If he's depressed, treat it with medication or counseling. If it's just run-of-the-mill blues or a setback of some sort, just be extra nice. Surprise him with a trip somewhere he loves (weekend away, concert, sporting event), a dinner out with either you or a group of people, or a little present. Meet him at work for lunch or send something for the whole office to enjoy (basket of cookies, etc). If you have kids, get them in on the act.
2016-05-20 04:13:09
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answer #5
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answered by ? 3
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This seems like an Asian family problem,the husband more attached to his family and wife not concerned about husband's family.His relations with his own parents,brother etc is strained.May be over financial matters.Find out the reasons from him and try to mend the matters.
Since you donot have a baby,despite sex,consult an infertlity clinic and find out the reasons.
2007-10-09 18:24:46
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answer #6
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answered by leowin1948 7
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Let him know that just because someone is in your family that does not mean they are on your team. Sometimes you have to accept that some family members are on a different page, The day I accepted that my brothers and sister were not on my team was a day of great peace for me. I still love them, but they are not on my team...I have friends that are like brothers and sisters to me they are there for me and share my life they are on my team so I embrace them as my family
2007-10-09 18:13:27
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answer #7
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answered by only1sol2000 3
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If you have any friends (mutual friends, couple friends, his friends) have a get-together of some sort to have some fun. Maybe that could help show him that he is not alone, and also that you cared enough to show him that.
Other than that, there is nothing you can do to take his pain about neglectful relatives, you can only make up for their faults to a point by making him feel loved and supported.
2007-10-09 18:11:18
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answer #8
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answered by Over analyzing? 3
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Talking works like charm. Get him to talk about his family and talk and talk and keep assuring him that you will both tough it out together. Don't give him a baby before he solves his inner turmoil and do not camoflouge his life with friends before he is happy himself
2007-10-09 18:15:30
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answer #9
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answered by lavagal.com 3
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hug him all the way to some professional counseling. your husband is depressed and he needs help on working through his family issues which are taking a toll on him. all that you are doing is fine but encourage him to seek some help. GodBless.
2007-10-09 18:17:22
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answer #10
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answered by Crystal G 5
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