My husband wants me to ask my dying father to pay back a loan.?

Question

My father just had a massive heart attack this past week and the Dr. says he will not live much longer with the damage to his heart. He has had several heart attacks and has had open heart surgery and there is no more they can do for him...the Dr. says he will die soon. I love my father and want to enjoy what time he has left...But,I lent my father $400 earlier in this year for a Dr. Appt., I never expected the money back..I told my husband that and I told my dad that. Dad keeps telling my hubby he owes him soo muchand will repay him and that he loves and appriciates us. However, my husband asked me to ask my father for the money back tomorrow..I told him I refuse to ask. My hubby wants the money back now because my father recieved some money recently and lent $2,600 of the money to my oldest sister. I dont think the $400 is worth starting a fight about, expecially now. I cant get him to stop pressuring me to ask for the money back. What do I do?

Answer 1

This is a matter of the heart. I understand where your husband is coming from because your father lent that money to your sister, so he feels a bit taken advantage of. And times might be a bit tight so the money could be needed. But your husband needs to take a step back and realize the situation that your father is in. When his (other) daughter needed help, he took the role of the provisional father and tried to do all that he could to provide for her financially. It is his natural reaction. The $400 dollars didn't have priority, or he figured he could pay it back later. But if he doesnt have much time left, then your husband needs to just relax and consider it a blessing to have been able to help at all. I know that is hard. But your husband helped him out...and what goes around comes around!

Tell your husband that its not about who is wrong or right at this time. Your father probably should have payed him back before lending her the money, but he made his decision already. Accepting the faults of others and taking the high road instead is true manly behavior. If anything your husband has learned to treat these situations differently in the future and make a definite plan for payback with the other partner. But this is family. Family forgives, and focuses more on eachothers health and happiness than their debts. And again...what goes around...comes around! Its that simple.

Answer 2

Do NOT listen to your husband. Your Daddy has a very limited number of days left here on Earth and you will feel soo sorry if you demand "your" money back from Dad now. I bet that your Dad has given plenty over the years and to be so petty to try and get $400 back is sinful. Forget about that money now and if your Dad wants to he will pay it back on his own. Your husband sounds really greedy and heartless and cheap with his Father-in-Law, I must say.
God don't like Ugly and demanding $400 back from a dying parent is horrendous!! You will get it back in other ways tenfold by forgettiing about it now. Don't worry so much what Dad did with your oldest sister. That has nothing to do with you or your "husband". Remember, your Dad just had a massive heart attack with open heart surgery. That's what you should be concerned with at this time. Aren't you in Dad's will where there will be plenty more than $400?

Answer 3

Well how much longer does your dad have? Because if he's going to be living another 5-10 years and lending money to your older sister while you and your husband sit around waiting for that $400, then I see why your husband is being a bit pushy about the issue. If he's going to pass away next week, then I'dlet it slide. But if you get the chance, ask your dad why he lent that money to your older sister without paying you back. I mean, that money isn't just yours, it belongs to the both of you and $400 isn't exactly chump change. Heck, that can pay my rent for a month if my wife kicks me out.... That's a car payment... That's day care for a month... That's two nights out alone with my wife in a decent hotel with dinner and a play. That's $400 that can go to your family while your dad is supporting your older sister. Maybe he has a good reason, but I think he should explain it.

Answer 4

Hi Monica,

First of all I would like to say I'm very sorry to hear about your father, but I'm more so sorry you have a husband who can only think about $400 dollars instead of giving his wife the support she needs during this difficult time. Gosh $400 dollars is so petty, he really should be ashamed of himself. I bet he wouldn't like it if his mother had a short time to live and you were asking for $500 back, let alone $400. Also excuse that guy who said he would want to have a drink with your husband. I don't understand these cruel disrespectful people on here sometime. Just because you can't see a person on line doesn't mean they don;t have feelings. Let your dad live in peace, screw what your hubby says, take care of your dad.

Take Care & God Bless

Answer 5

Your husband is very inconsiderate, he obviously doesn care much about you or your father to be demanding that, he should be more sensitive considering that your dad is dying. I would be angered if my husband was that shallow. If I were u I would tell my husband to stop being that way, whats the problem with helping a dying family member with $400? Your husband is very cold hearted and should soften up considering that your loving father is dying, he obviously cares more about his $400 than your dad, do you honestly want a husband like that?....

Answer 6

OMG, your husband is a selfish oaf.

Just because he lent your sister the money does not mean he has the funds to pay you back. You obviously look at the $400 as a gift. Your husband doesn't. Stay firm in your conviction. You do not need to put additional stress on your father. You do not want to have your father to think your generosity had strings attached.

He has limited time on this realm we call life. Please, I beseech you to make it pleasant for him. Let him go w/out any angst, he deserves kindness and peace.

Answer 7

Tell your husband to back off. Money is the last thing you want to think about now. You were right not to expect it back because it is never a good idea to loan money to family. Either just give it to them or don't. You gave it to your father and that should be that. If your husband can't understand tell him to ask your father for it. Tell him to be sure to explain to your father how the gift you gave turned into a loan. I hope your dad's health turns around.

Answer 8

Well Im sorry for your dad. You are right to want to spend his last moments happy and not collecting money. You are his daughter and I'm sure he has done more than 400.00 worth already. Especially if it was for a medical reason. You should not ask him i would 'nt . Your dying dad is more important. Tell your husband he is a monster if he expects that from you. he 'll get over it and if he doesnt then maybe you should get a new one!!!

Answer 9

whoa i cant believe that he would do that asking your father to pay back $400...you should keep explaining to him its really not a good timing to be asking money when YOUR DAD jus had a MASSIVE HEART ATTACK...show him that your not okay with it..and if he really wants the money back...tell him to ask your father himself...im sure he wouldnt have the guts too...
by the way ask him why he needs the $400 soo badly...?
if he keeps whining about it i guess ignore him for a while...

Answer 10

I am trying to think of a delicate way to put this but, your father raised you. Years of his life helping you, teaching you and your husband wants you to ask him to repay a loan on his deathbed? These are not the last words a child wants to speak to their father nor for a father to hear. Enjoy what time you have both with your father and your husband.