my husband cheated on me before we got married (got married 6 months ago), recently i discovered he still had older pictures of his ex-wife (thats who he cheated with) posing for him in bikinis, he said he didnt know that he still had them, but but they were in his emails. today he told me to use our military card to buy something and claims my name is on the account, so i pick things and when i go to customer service they said she is still on there, not me. i felt like an idiot (besides i couldnt buy anything since i am not on the account) when is it enough? he always says..i didnt know, but i have been married before and managed to make a clean cut without dragging stuff along. and all this after he cheated. shouldnt he make sure there is nothing that brings back the memories for me?
2007-10-09 16:37:19 · 9 answers · asked by not this way 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i talked about everything, there are no misunderstandings at all. i would never hold my opinion or feelings back when i talk to him. no kids with him and not planning too!
2007-10-09 16:47:11 · update #1
I'm sure you told him you are not on the account, right?? It might not even be his fault. The military isn't exactly known for rushing paper work.
So you find out what you need to do to get it fixed. And if he cheated on you before you where married, I dunno. And stop going through his email!!!!
Seriously though, do you really think he's tell you your name is on the card knowing it wasn't?? It's just a card, this is fixable.
What if it was just a simple mistake?? Just fix it.
xxx
2007-10-10 00:06:16 · answer #1 · answered by Shel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said it yourself...he has already cheated. The other things that he is doing sounds very suspicious. The "I didn't know" excuse just isn't flying here.
If you want to salvage your marriage, I recommend counseling. Unfortunatley, it appears as though your husband has some baggage that should have been left at the door before you two got married. Now that you are married, however, he needs to work through these things. Lying in a marriage is not good at all, it will absolutely destroy trust, and without trust, there is no marriage. If you feel that you will never be able to let any of this go, no matter what, then perhaps you should end the marriage. However, if you are willing to be patient with your husband and work on your marriage, I recommend that he get into therapy and prove to you that he is a worthy husband. Good luck.
2007-10-09 23:46:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, ur husband cheated on you, that by itself is more than enough, however, ur saying that u are his second wife, and u got married recently.... Thats the problem in my opinion, u should give him some time to adapt to this somewhat "new" marriage, and be easy on him... People make very bad decisions based on false assumptions. That account thing ur talking about, its nothing, he most probably forgot to switch his ex-wife's name with yours. These little things are not important, but that cheating business is not looking good.... Stay calm for a while and see what happens, dont be paranoid, be patient.. Hope this helps.... Good luck :)
2007-10-09 23:48:48 · answer #3 · answered by gjvah 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
One would tend to think that the offender would go out of his/her way to make sure that all doubt is erased. Especially to have been forgiven of something like cheating. There may, however, be some measure of truth to what he is saying about the account and such. I would tend to be suspicious of the whole picture thing as that is weird. Ex spouses are, in my opinion, dangerous things especially if there are kids involved since there is a need for regular contact. I dont envy your situation at all and I applaud your forgiving nature. You need to decide what your limits are and what you are willing to put up with. Good Luck
2007-10-09 23:44:19 · answer #4 · answered by MHnurseC 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This will sound childish, but wouldn't it be great if you could turn the tables on him? Anytime one of your girlfriends or your mom or even the cable guy calls your cell phone, quickly grab it and run out of the room to answer. Start closing the windows on your PC immediately after he walks in the room (even though you're just on YA), etc. If he has your email password, change it and keep putting off giving him the new one. When he questions your behavior, say "I didn't know..." and when he gets mad and tells you that that's BS, you can say "EXACTLY".
2007-10-10 00:00:44 · answer #5 · answered by Magaroni 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think , he takes you for granted as a moved in bed partner - Have the courage to have a serious talk and make sure all cards are laid on the table. You are talking about a life long future partnership, which is at stake , and not a transit port of call.
2007-10-09 23:43:23 · answer #6 · answered by jjshri ram 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have taken enough of the i dont know crap. My now ex-husband had all kinds of pics of his exwife with him and alone all through the house after we got married.. I found them everywhere.. They did have a daughter together and that was his excuse.. I did not mind pics of them with their daughter or the ex with their daughter. So anyway.. I went through the house once and gave all the pics with her in them to her. then I kept finding more so this time i started a fire and burnt them all (they were just pics of him and her)...
2007-10-09 23:44:42 · answer #7 · answered by harleigh_brat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just please tell me you did not birth one of his children already.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
If there are children involved, then it's not about you or him anymore. You must do whatever is best for the child.
No children, then get out as soon as possible. This kind of selfish man will hurt you again and again.
Good luck.
2007-10-09 23:43:42 · answer #8 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately, men don't think like that. Explain your feelings and tell him he has to decide which of you he wants.
2007-10-09 23:41:43 · answer #9 · answered by rsart 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋