My husband drives me insane?

Question

Ok, I want to start by saying that i am not the perfect wife, but i pretty much cant stand my husband anymore.

He is probably the most childish and selfish person I have eve met. He does absolutely nothing around the house. He wont even take out the garbage or the dog. We fight CONSTANTLY. He nags me whenever I spend any money, however whenever he wants something, he pretty much gets it. We both work, but he comes home and does nothing. He'll play with the kids for a bit, but then I'm the one that gets them off to bed.

We agreed a few weeks ago that we would not smoke in the house anymore for the kids. I have stuck to it, except for once. He never sticks to it. Then he gets mad at me when I complain about it.

He's not abusive physically. For the most part, he's a good dad. I dont think I want to divorce him, however I dont know if I want to be with someone that seems to not care about me.

Advise?

He also never wants to go anywhere or do anything...ever. I missed my best friend's wedding, because he didn't want to go with me, and I didn't want to go alone.

He never answers his cell phone for anyone but me. And he never returns people's calls. It's frustrating to others that need to speak with him.

How do I tell him he's making me miserable?

i also want to clarify that he doesn't do lawn work, car repairs, or anything like that. so it's not like he even has his own chores! then he gets mad at me when i dont vacuum the car occassionally. how am i possibly supposed to do everything!

and if i say ANYTHING to him, his response is "ok mom"

grrrrrrrrrrr...grow up!

Answer 1

gosh, i am in league with the other posters who think he is either drinking, or drugging or has some sort of other physical problem causing him to have no pride, or motivation, or interest in doing anything except the bare minimum.

i also believe it is a passive-aggressive habit he has gotten into with you, an ugly rut and this is his way of saying 'screw you' to you when you ask for help,

does he eat junk food at all times? does he drink a lot? does he take any medicine at all for anything? does he have druggie habits from when you were young.

you are both heavy smokers. right? what else?

cause there is your answer right there. if he was eating a healthy diet and not smoking a lot, drinking, ect, he would have more interest and energy.

and calling you mom means you have to nag him to get him to do anythng. there is a book care and feeding of husbands by dr laura that addresses this,

but if he has the other stuff no book is gonna help. there is also another book called 'do one thing different' on how to get out of ugly ruts.

Answer 2

Just tell him. There is no easy way around it. Sit him down after the kids are in bed and explain to him just like you did us on what's going on. Try to be a little bit more gentle when you are telling him. If you don't get this off your chest, you will let it build and build until one day you are going to explode. It might even be sooner than later by the sound of it. He is obviously not showing you respect and as a woman you need that.

Answer 3

Wow.... first off divide the money and divide the bills. That way you can do what you want with your money and he can blow his. Then divide the house work, one thing you have to understand is, he does the house repair, lawn, car repairs, oil changes and things of that sort, you have to take that into account for have the house work. As far as him not going to the wedding and you missing it....... you should have gone without him. It's ok for him not to go and for you two not to be joined at the hip. Apart time is also good time. Work it out make your demands firm but polite. Good Luck

Answer 4

-The wifes rights - the Husbands obligations.

(1) Maintenance

The husband is responsible for the wifes maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Qur'an and the sunnah. It is inconsequen tial whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role as "qawam" (leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security and thus perform her role devotedly.

The wifes maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must lodge her where he resides himself according to his means. The wifes lodge must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.

If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so. The prophet is reported to have said: The best Muslim is one who is the best husband.

(2) "Mahr "

The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Qur'an. " Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the brides parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the parties involved.

(3) Non-material rights.

A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The prophet last sermon stresses kindness to women.


The wife obligations - the Husbands rights.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

One of the main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage. She must be attentive to the comfort and wellbeing of her husband. The Qur'anic ayah which illustrates this point is:

"Our lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the apples of our eyes and guide us to be models for the righteous"

The wife must be faithful, trustworthy and honest she must not deceive her husband by deliberately avoiding contraception. She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband right i.e. sexual intimacy. She must not receive or entertain strange males in the house without his knowledge and consent. She should not be alone with a strange male. She should not accept gifts from other men without his approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. The husband possessions are her trust. She may not dispose of his belongings without his permission.

A wife should make herself sexually attractive to her husband and be responsive to his advances. The wife must not refuse her husband sexually as this can lead to marital problems and worse still - tempt the man to adultery. The husband of course should take into account the wifes health and general consideration should be given.

Answer 5

My advise is quit ignoring the real problems in your life and marriage.

From you brief description of his "symptoms", it sounds like he is either depressed or addicted to drugs/alcohol.

The sad fact is you cannot change him. Real change is going to have to come from within.

You may be able to prod him into self improvement during an intervention, but that depends on circumstances and details you did not provide.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Let him read this question....that ought to tell him all he needs to know.
And BTW...your husband is NOT the most childish and selfish person ever....that dubious honor goes to my husband. He thinks the world revolves around him.

Answer 7

Are you sure he's your husband and not one of your children. It sounds like he needs you to be a 'stern mommy' and clearly explain the rules he needs to be following. Goodluck

Answer 8

Now we know why he drinks so-much....picky, picky, picky....