Why don't women understand that working and family life is tough for fathers too?

Question

I work 40 hours per week, if you include travel time and lunch I am out of the house on average 10 hours per day. I have a wife and three kids at home, 10months, 2 years and six years. When I come home, normally at 6pm, I have some food (1/2 hour), then spend as much time as possible with the kids till they go to bed, usually all in bed by 9.30pm. The problem is with the baby, he cries all the time, and all day long and is super clingy to his mum. When I come home I am so tired, I can barely stand, I try to play with the kids but the youngest one is making our lives hell, if I pick him up he struggles, if I put him down he cries until my wife picks him up. He doesn't always sleep through the night, its 2am, now he is awake and I am writing this. My wife says I should do more, but I can't I am so tired, work is mentally draining, I get up at 7am every day leave the house at 8am and return at 6pm. My wife says she is drained also. Should I get my wife help like a nanny to mind the kids.

Answer 1

I can sympathize. I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old. Life with small children can be crazy. If you have an infant, then everything is magnified. It's hard to get rest and the parents want to blame each other for all that's going on.

You have small kids. It will be difficult for a while. But this is the hardest part right now. In a few months, your baby will get past the one year mark and things will start to get a little better. Everything will get better, you just need to get past the difficult times such as now.

Answer 2

I'm sure she understands, it's just that she's running all day long with the kids and three kids can be draining, and it never stops. They are always around getting into things and I think your little one is taking NO DOZ and drinking coffee (ha ha he's up all the time).

You probably don't need a nanny. What would be good is to have one of the neighborhood girls come over for two hours two or three days a week in the evenings to help out with the children. Your little one will get to know her quickly, and you will get a break and so will your wife. A younger babysitter has a lot of energy, and they typically wear the kids out, which will be good for you and your wife. It's also less intrusive and certainly less expensive than a nanny, and your wife will probably have an emergency babysitter on call if she needs to run a quick errand, and most young teenage girls would love to make a couple of dollars.

Answer 3

This would have been best to put in the "baby" area. But oh well. Anyhow, yes it's rough being parents and juggling quality time with the kids, your spouse, and having free-time. Your 10 month old is probably feeling separation anxiety. He probably needs playgroups and to be around other people than your wife. Have you asked your wife if she wants help with the kids? It's not a bad idea. But it sounds like you two could benefit from some date nights. Get a sitter and just relax. Have dinner, see a movie. It just sounds like the too of you are over loaded and just need some time to yourselves.

Answer 4

Hi friend,
If you can afford a nanny, then go ahead & hire one. That should lessen the burden for you & your wife. People have this impression that being a housewife is a ball. Wrong, housewives work just as hard as we, working people, are. In fact, theirs is even a harder task because unlike work where we got paid, got promoted & have officemates to talk with, housewives have to deal with crying babies, cleaning up the house mess and practically zero social life, since she is practically tied up at the house. So it's only understandable that amid this frustration women tend to think that their working husband has an easier life at the office. You never understand someone until you are actually in his/her shoes. Then you begin to see things in a different light. Me and my wife both work, which means we also share the burden in the housekeeping. There were days that the nanny is not around & I ended up babysitting the kids (I have 4 of em). Believe me, just by picking up this & that, filling up their needs is already a handfull. Add preparing their food, cleaning the tables & washing the dishes..Whew!! My friend, I know how hard you work..But appreciate your wife as well. Being a housewife is a thankless job. Show your appreciation and it's only a matter of time that your wife will learn to appreciate you.

Answer 5

Kudos to you for being such a good dad! A lot of working dads today think that childcare is just the woman's responsibility.
That being said, maybe a nanny or part time help (if you can afford it) would be a good thing.
Does your wife work outside the home? If she does, then the household duties should be shared equally.
If she doesn't though, then the home chores should be mostly her job, and rightly so. Each person has to contribute to the home somehow...
Being "drained" is part of parenthood!

Answer 6

At least you get to go to lunch!! Take a day off - you stay home and care for the kids ALONE all day and send her to the spa or whatever she wants to do. Then, hire a nanny/mother's helper for as many hrs as you can afford.

Answer 7

what do you at work that is so draining? Do you have a physical job. Men always talking about they work and they are tired. Kids are hard work too! Cooking, cleaning, caring for small kids, checking older kids homework and then seeing about a husbands need it a lot of work. Your wife is tired too. She may need some help.

Answer 8

When the husband stands up and admits it and stops acting like its no big deal.

Answer 9

Grand idea.....even if its only a few hours a day

Answer 10

Quit complaining and live up to your responsibilities.