Married Woman: I need advise not judgement. I am torn?

Question

I am married for 3 years, no kids to the nicest most endearing person you would ever meet. My husband is 7 yrs older than i am, and when you see me i look younger than my real age (I am 29, and get ID'd everywhere). I have had a lot of guys approaching me and i have brushed them off all the time cuz of my commitment to my husband. Until, one night when i had too much to drink with all girls night out, i found myself making out with this really really cute 24 yr old guy. I have couple of advise needed: I feel guilty, i dont want to tell my husband as it will break his heart and that's the last thing i wanted to do. (i know i screwed up with my judgement). 2nd: I don't know why i found myself enjoying the make-out and actually trying to recall it my mind as it feels good. I felt wanted. My husband is very passive, won't give me praise on how good i look, on how nice i smell, on how i keep the house together. and this kid just gave me the attention. I am so sad right now :(

Thanks for all the answers very inspiring. Thank you all it meant so much to me. There were questions about my husband being nice and then i said he's passive. Here's how he is, he's so nice everything is ok. I have been totally honest with him when guys try to hit on me, at the gym, in the office, at bars. He is ok, no sense of jealousy or concern. He is so nice, his family loves me so i try to be the perfect wife, i watch my weight, i work out, i cook, i wash the clothes, clean the house, everything! I would like to get recognize for that, and i do ask for it sometimes. And when i ask for complement to his credit i get it. But do i have to ask for it all the time? I know I cannot really express how i feel. People outside think we're the perfect couple, because he is the nicest person, who will not hurt me, will not yell at me... someone who will just say yes to whatever i say. I know there's no excuse to what i did, i know that the best thing to do is start to work on my issues. THX!

Answer 1

Whoops! Ouch. Well, you've learned a few things, haven't you? One... lay off the tequila! Two... you are unhappy in your relationship. Three... you are not getting fulfillment in your current situation.

None of that means that you don't love your husband. You should feel guilty! You did something that is against your morals! Of course it felt good! You're human, aren't you? There is not one woman on the planet who doesn't like positive feedback from strange (and hot, young) men.

So you screwed up. It happens. Just make sure that it never, ever happens again. Unless you are ready to divorce your husband. It was a mistake. Don't tell your husband (unless you are not admitting that you had sex with this guy.... if so, the you HAVE to tell him).

You have some very hard decisions to make.

Answer 2

If this was just a one time thing and it you have no intention of ever repeating it again, then say nothing. There's no sense in hurting your husband and permanently damaging your relationship unless of course your planning on repeating this. But, my advice to you is to do some serious soul searching here. This should be a serious wake up call to you that you can't control your drinking! It's unfortunate that the cute guy in the bar was able to "get" you by shelling out a few complements your way. I'm sure you ARE very attractive. However, it's important for you to realize that it's the "mission" of men in bars to come up with whatever statements they can think of to get the one-night stand. You need to be able to distinguish motives and a line of exaggerated B.S. when you hear it, especially when it's coming from a much younger guy. My best friend of 48 years old is so starved for attention that she actually believes all of the complements that men of 35ish years old gives her. It never occurs to her that a man would intentionally give her complements just to get in her pants. So, your best course of action is to learn from this, be grateful nothing more happened, keep quiet and don't let it happen again.

Answer 3

It can be tough when you need the attention that the hubby will not give. It's like that sometimes after the wedding the courting is all over you are now married but you can put the spring back into it. First you have to be happy with who you are and know this you will get a whole lot, lot, lot, lot, lot ...... of compliments from the opposite agenda NOW that you are married. I gave up the night clubs hanging with the girls before I got married after clubbing at the proper time in my life I was burned out when I turned 24. It's not necessary to tell hubby but if you cannot handle your drinking at the club maybe it's time to give it up. Don't be sad God will forgive you but adultery is a covenant breaking and a HUGE NO NO by Him.

Answer 4

If you don't plan on doing it again than don't worry about telling your husband. You made a mistake and don't make it again. In the beginning of your question you stated that your husband is the most nicest person you ever met and at the end of your question you stated he was passive. Which is he? This YOUNG guy is giving you all the attention because he wants to get in your pants. That is what most young and older men do. If you follow this young guy up, you're going to end up getting hurt.

Ask yourself this, would you want your husband making out with another chick? Would you want him comparing another chick to you? It's obvious you can't hold your liquor, so you need to either stop drinking in public or take your husband with you next time.

Answer 5

Getting caught up in little relationships or hookups on the side of your marriage isn't uncommon, and what's even more uncommon is for people to not be able to stop thinking about it. But the truth is, he was just a young guy looking for someone to have a good time with. I'm sure you'd take it back if you could, but what's done is done. Your husband sounds like a great guy and remember that everyone isn't perfect. He might very well appreciate you and all the things about you and what you do, just in a quiet, more kept in way. Don't beat yourself too much about what happened-- everyone screw up... just don't let it happen again.

If you feel bored with your marriage, liven it up with some cool dates and interesting, different conversations! :)

Good Luck! : )

Answer 6

The attention to detail, is what a lot of people crave, yet, what details have we all got, a good home, a sound and caring companion in that home, that is there for us, all through our life. It is hard to resist the temptation, but that's what our test is about. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's not always an oncoming train, don't do your swede in over this fling, but it might be a good idea, to let the cat out of the bag, before someone else does, tackle it in a diplomatic way.

Answer 7

What you need to do is tell your husband the truth. The longer you keep it inside the worst it will be for you (both). He needs to know the truth either you both will work this out through counseling. Be mature about it and face the facts whats done is done. It may hurt but its the truth he deserves to know the truth and the right to be happy.

Your marriage is over at the time you broke your commitment (faithful) to your husband. It'll never be the same. Move on.

Answer 8

How would you feel if your husband went out and did this to you?

Just because you feel like he's not paying enough attention to you, does not give you the right to go out and mess around with another man.

If you want attention, go home and ask for it.

Otherwise, grow up. You can't expect your partner to give you everything your heart desires. Not everyone can be the way we want them to be. That's what happens when you get married....You both get comfortable and in a routine. If you want to break up the routine, make plans/dates with your husband doing fun exciting things.

Stop going to the bars. Trust me, drinking and being around single (Or taken) strangers isn't a good combination.

Keep this transgression to yourself, unless you think your husband can take it.

If you do tell him, be prepared for alot stress, arguing, and hurt to occur...

Answer 9

I'm kind of in a similar situation as far as lifestyle. My hubby is 10 years older. He's amazing, but has gotten chubbier the 2 years we've been together, I never thought he was amazingly good looking:: but that doesn't seem to matter to me at all, he the most wonderful man, ever.
I guess it's up to you to tell him or not. You could wait awhile maybe when it's less fresh... Would you want him to tell you? (Don't have contact with that guy ever again of course.)
But as far as your problems with his appreciation and attention you feel like you're lacking---you must tell him that. Tell him how you feel, maybe while you're laying in bed about to go to sleep. He most likely doesn't realize this problem if he's as sweet as you say.
I'm sure everything will be fine. (talk to your love.)

Answer 10

Marriage is a two-way street, it's takes communication for any marriage to be successful - lack of communication is the biggest reason why marriages fail.

People tend to delude themselves into believing problems will magically fix themselves if they keep quiet.

Instead of going to bars looking for artificial affection (lust), why not spend that time finding ways to communicate to your husband how you're feeling?

Nothing will ever change in your marriage if you cannot take the initiative to let your husband know that he is not given you the attention you need and that it's having a negative impact on your marriage.

You made a mistake, learn from it and now work on your marriage.