I don't know what to do...I'm 27 years old and have been married for 1 1/2 years but we have been a couple for 13 1/2 years...My husband has been out of a job for 3 years now and will not get a job. We have bills that are so past due with shut off notices on everything. I work full time but can not swing everything myself I don't know if he loves me anymore because we only have sex like once every 3 months. He tells me he loves me more than anything. He is always going out with his single friends to bars/shooting pool etc. Does not come home until 3am or even until 5am. I don't know what to do I am so depressed please help me I don't want to leave him but I don't know what to do!! I've told him I'm going to leave him but he knows I have no where to go. He tells me I'm crazy because I cry all the time. When I get home from a long day of work he leaves the house and goes over his friends house. Please help me!
2007-10-09 11:56:39 · 17 answers · asked by Me and you 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Listen....I'm married so I'm not telling you this without experience. You've got to pull yourself together and realize that you are worth so much more. A man who loves you...will work hard to provide for you and his kids no matter if you are working or not. You will never have to wonder is he's still in love with you, because he will always want to be affectionate with you and make love to you. Sounds like you are not being treated like the queen you should be. If you work full time and have to come home and be depressed by that nonsense.....by all means leave , because you can do without him. Don't say you have no where to go, because you work and take of yourself. Liberate yourself......have a serious talk with him and if he doesn't whip into shape please do yourself a favor and bounce. I bet he'll find a job quick.
2007-10-09 12:05:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A man who loves his wife shows his love by being the head of the home and provides to the best of his ability for himself and his wife. Yours isn't showing love. If he were unwell or severely depressed, he would not be going out with everyone but you. He's doing it because you're allowing it. I would tell him he has two weeks to get a job and if he doesn't, I'd be gone! And don't say you have nowhere to go. Everyone has some place they can go for help. There are families, friends, and women's shelters. And you do have your income which you need to take with you. If he gets a job, that's only the first requirement. He needs to KEEP the job and be there every day! If he quits or gets fired, I'd be gone. He would not have more than one evening away from home a week and even then, he'd have to be home to get a good night's sleep so he'd be prepared for work the next day. If you continue to put up with this freeloader, I hope you are willing to have your life ruined by him. And sex every three months? I bet he's not at a bar on lots of those nights!!
2007-10-09 12:18:17 · answer #2 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to realize that he is just using you and telling you what he knows you want to hear. Life is too short for that. start a separate bank account and don't pay another bill but put the money aside so that you have it. This is emotional abuse so try to contact a domestic violence shelter where you live and they should be able to give you a place to go or help you find one. and help you through this. while you must still love him since you mentioned crying, think of him as a cancer which must be removed
Somewhere out there is the perfect man, who will love you, work with you so that perhaps you can even be a stay at home mom, but this guy is not him. Get counseling and then get a divorce!!
2007-10-09 12:12:47 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not a husband. He isn't even a man. He is a complete failure. He is using you and you are allowing him. He cannot possibly love you if he can treat you like that.
You have to get your self respect, pride and dignity and get the hell away from him. You seem to be such a descent person and you certainly don't deserve the waste of human being to ruin your life. He might be your husband, because you have the same name, but not for any other reason.
This is his problem, not yours. He doesn't want to take on his responsibilities. He'd rather crawl into a bar and hide with a drink.
File for divorce immediately. Then either find somewhere else to live, or stay right where you are and get a roommate. Don't live this kind of life! I wish you all the luck.
2007-10-09 12:11:45 · answer #4 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could probably swing everything if he wasn't taking your money and spending it on having a good time. I don't think he is depressed. Why should he be depressed when he has you supporting him while he does as he pleases. Why should you go any place. He is the one that should be sent packing. It is probably hard for you to see this situation clearly because you are the one depressed. You sound like you are a good person that deserves a whole lot better than what he is doing to you. You have been with him since you were 14, believe me there are a lot better men out there. Get over him and find yourself a real man.
2007-10-09 12:17:13 · answer #5 · answered by Len 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh, God.... I've been there before.
Here's the deal. What has he done for you lately? Has he taken out the trash? Has he brought you flowers? Has he cooked you dinner? We already know he is not contributing financially. You don't have anywhere to go? What are you talking about? You are paying for everything!!! That means you can move out and pay for a furnished apartment. Go through and take your name off everything. EVERYTHING. Then, you move out. How else are you going to break away? Start selling your stuff one eBay. Get a much cash as you can together and hide it. Have your mom open a savings account under HER name and she can give you your own money when you need it. You do have options. You just need the courage to leave.
Frankly, I would rather be alone and miserable then be in a relationship where the source of my misery keeps walking through the door drunk.
Your girlfriends can help you. They can hang on to some of your stuff. They can help you move out FAST. You can also file for divorce.
Consult a lawyer.
2007-10-09 12:15:05 · answer #6 · answered by Yup Yup Yuppers 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what u will have to do is give him an ultimatum either get a job or he has to get out. he has gotten away with it for so long he no longer sees the consequences of his behavior. of course your depressed, because marriage is not suppose to be this way, and when it is theres really no reason to stay in it, if its been going on 3 years, its not about to change that quickly if at all. he also fails to see that he is the reason u cry, how insensitive and self centered he is not to be able to see the wrong he is doing. get out of there, or get him out, where theres a will theres a way. u deserve so much more than what this mooch is giving, in fact he is sucking u dry and contributing nothing. time to get some self confidence, and get rid of the bad in your life.
2007-10-09 12:14:55 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it takes a crisis to get a guy to realize what he has is a good thing. Send him packing let him see what he is missing...and if he does not see then he was not doing the right things with you either he is probably cheating if yoiu are not his more than once in three months he is out til five....do the math you know in your heart we always do. You are being used and need to find help in a church or a counselor of some kind. please find someone to help you and do set him straight...get the book love must be tough it will help you set boundaries...
2007-10-09 12:08:22 · answer #8 · answered by just duky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To steal from Madea... Youu can do bad all by yourself!
You say that you love him. What do you love about him. Is he in so little need of sleep that he is some kind of stellar person during the day?
Doesn't sound like it. I am very sorry but it sounds like you have alot of self esteem issues when you are only 27 and you think that this is the best situation that you diserve from life.
Make it change or step away. If you just sit and fret it will NOT resolve itself.
~Tyed~
2007-10-09 12:03:24 · answer #9 · answered by owltyedup 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The break up letter, God's email and definition of wife and mother were just too good. Tomorrow morning the first thing i would be doing ofcourse after brushing my teeth would be telling them to my friends! You deserve lots of stars! Ok my Character map isnt allowing me to copy stars, so please adjust with these hearts! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥..... LOL God knows how many thumbs down i'll get for this one! Anyway, Cheers! :) Rudra
2016-05-20 01:45:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋