Who do I choose?

Question

I left my husband about 4 months ago. He was very abusive, but only when he drank. I told him that if he stopped drinking I would think about trying to make our marriage work again. He kept drinking for about 3 of the months I have been gone. But now he doesn't drink a lot anymore. He said he would get help, and we could go to marriage counciling. But within those 3 months that he refused to stop drinking I gave up hope and started dating this guy. I thought my husand would never stop if he hasn't even tried yet. So I let myself fall for this other man. This guy is so great. So sweet. So caring. And he loves my kids. We are so crazy for each other. But I love my husband. He wants me to move in with him outta state when he gets stationed. I talked to my new guy about this today and he is devastated. If I go back to my husband there is a chance he will hit me again. And I would be throwing away what might be a great thing with my new guy. I don't know what to do. Love is blind, so I'm going to you guys for some outside advise. Who do I choose? My husband... or my boyfriend?

Answer 1

Take a year to decide.

If your ex stays sober maybe choose him...

If new 'superman' is still around after a year pick him.

You know an answer to this question like this will evolve in time.

Answer 2

My dear, speaking as a guy... your husband has a VERY long road in front of him and he does NOT sound committed to it.

Abusive Alcholism is not something to play repentance with. you don't have someone, "cut down" on the drinking. They stop or they don't stop.

period.

What you are seeing now is him realizing that he cannot continue to dominate you. Sure you love him (not doubting that), but he only realized that you were not his property when you found happiness elsewhere.

If he could not realize how much you meant to him when it was just the two of you, what do you really believe will happen when it would be back to just the two of you...

and ESPECIALLY if he wants you to relocate to him. that is a textbook controlling maneuver. you will be without any support system, away from any friends you might have and be dependant on him again.

I don't know either of the men, so I am not endorsing boyfriend either (although it sounds like he is great for your kids), but PLEASE don't let the abuse continue. Your (soon to be ex-) husband needs much more than a few days to convince anyone.

Your kids need to see that you respect yourself as much as them or the cycle will continue into their hands... and that is NOT something I want you to have to live with

Answer 3

Stay with the boyfriend. I say this bc even though it was unwise of you to fall into another relationship right away, at least when things go wrong with a boyfriend you can just break up with him. You need to leave your husband...just be thankful the military will take him far, far away from you, making this necessary choice a little easier! Even though you love him, chances are, he will never have the strength to overcome his drinking for good. So do what's best for you and your children...and LEAVE! Just don't move in with the new guy.

Answer 4

I think you should go on and don't look back, because if you give your husband another change remember he will be nice with you the first month and then he will do the same thing he was doing being abusive with you and your kids. And also he will say when I was waiting for you, you was dating somebody else, so this can turn very bad and it can be worth. So if I was you I will go on with bf. Good luck!!!!!!!

Answer 5

I would pick the boyfriend. The husband just kept drinking after you left. He did not even try to fix it. Make yourself happy and don't look back. Good luck.

Answer 6

Neither one..because you is still married to your husband and you should get a divorce before you make any more chances in your life. Your husband drink and maybe violent, but you are married and need a divorce before bringing someone else in your life to deal with your situation. It's not fair to your boyfriend or your kids. Your husband can take you for spousal support for cheating on him why you are married and do you really think he deserve support.

Answer 7

this is hard to answer, because this will effect the rest of your life and oyur kids lives. You might want to try to work things out, but you can't work on either relationship if you are involved in two. You need to pick, with your husband, tell him that you might wan to try the counseling and see how that goes, before you pack up and move to another state. If he truly wants to make this owrk, he will be willing to see it your way. If you are ready to walk away, then walk away but don't look back becasue then you are dragging this out.
Good Luck

Answer 8

choose the one who is the best to u, the one who respects u and treats u well. none of this would have ever happened if your husband had been a good man in the first place. don't be fooled by promises, go with the one who doesn't treat u bad, who doesn't hit u. this is your chance to get away from this hell, don't fall for what your husband says, stay with the other one.

Answer 9

If you found a good man move on. You are only hurting yourself by staying in a abusive relationship. You do what is best for you and the kids. You should go on with your life with a new beginning and a new guy!!!

Answer 10

First thing is there is no way you can change your husband if he was really willing to change there would be no excuses. If he wants to change he would just do it. when people make excuses as to why they need there beer or whatever then they don't really want to change. And you need to do what makes you happy, when your happy you can be a better mom to your kids. And if you chose to go back to your husband and endure what you have then you have no one to blame but you. Remember you decide what happens to you.