IS my marriage in trouble?

Question

when i first met my husband he would drink every weekend and stay out all night and i know he did drugs but when i finally started dating him he stopped and cleaned up his act we now have been married for 2 1/2 years and he is now back to his old days he come home on the weekend like at 7am drunk and high i somtimes feel he might be out cheating on me but then i also think he is on drugs all night and thats why he stays up we also have been fighting alot and i found a girls number in his phone which he later erased after i asked about it . but even though he comes home late he always and i mean always wants to have sex so my friends say if he was out cheating he wouldn't come home (even if late ) for sex . What do you think?

Answer 1

You messed up. Live with him. #

Answer 2

Don't accept this behavior from him. You should be the one not wanting sex especially if you don't know where he has been. Why are you there when he gets home? Let him come home a few times and not be there waiting for him. When he asks where you have been be vague and don't ask him where he has been. He will start to wonder and will make more of an effort to keep you home and happy. Works every time. Always have boundaries and independence. If he is doing drugs all bets are out the window. If he is addicted drugs are his first love and until he wants to get help nothing you do or say will change that.

Answer 3

Let me see! If he had sex in a bar parking lot at 2 when the bar closed that leaves 5 hours until 7 when he comes home to you -- yes, he could be cheating - but of more concern is the drugs and the staying out all night. If he loved you he would want to come home to you. If he is using drugs where does he get the money for that? If by chance he is also selling them - another reason for being out all night - there is always the chance that you will lose his car when he is caught or possibly even your home.
Try to see if he will go to counseling with you or go yourself and be prepared to find that he did cheat and given you a STD or expect that the house will be raided in a search for his drugs, or even that someone will shoot at the house because he stoled their drugs Of course, these are the worst case scenarios but they happen often here in Michigan and when he is out drinking and doing drugs all night, you need to prepare for those thing in hope that they never happen.
either he has to go to counseling with you to get his life straight or you need to leave for your own good!!

Answer 4

Time for you to not come home when he's expecting you (& I mean like every night for a couple of weeks--not just one night). Not saying you'd be doing anything wrong. Just go out to dinner straight from work when he's at home wondering where YOU are.

Do you have anyone you could move in with if you had to? If so, start moving things. As he sees you mean business, he will love you enough to clean up his act. If not, then you need to leave him. Start moving some money in your own bank account.

Problem with someone like this......it's going to happen again over the years. May not be this bad because they learn exactly what you will and will not put up with.

If you end up leaving, clean up alot quietly before you go. Take his name off your credit card accounts, move as much $$ into your own bank account as you can. Take your name off any of his credit card accounts or loans (after you buy any essential stuff you need, pay a few bills ahead).

Once you leave it will be the "separation date" at which joint debt will be frozen (may be different in different states, but generally this is the case).

You CAN'T "GET" him help. He has to want the help.

Answer 5

First, hon, why did you marry such a guy? If you had been my sister, these are the four things our mom would have hammered into your head beginning at age 13. You would NEVER be writing this had she been your mom:

1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. Choose with your head as well as your heart. (You screwed this up, didn't you? Marrying a guy with two addictions? What WERE you thinking?)
2. Have no children until your bond is strong, and have no more than you yourself can support. You may just have to. Please.... I hope you and he have no children.
3. At any and all costs finish your education to qualify for those high paying jobs. It is likely that you will work sometime during your marriage, probably for decades…. Get paid for it. And remember, your kids and your education are forever…. Husbands, lovers and promises are not!! For sure you have found his promises aren't worth a pile of warm S(h) it. So if you are not in school, get back in school, hon.
4. Have a stash of cash no one knows about even if you are sure you will never need it. You absolutely will, and the more the better.

Stay on the pill, sweets. Get back into school, and when you can, dump this dude.... because he will never be very important in your life, and for sure you will never even be close to being anything in his... Why? Because he's an addict... drugs, and booze, hon. And addicts aren't available for relationships... Ask any counselor....They are already in one (actually, yours is in two) so they aren't available. Ask AA what their cure rate is.... 20%... that, sweets, is an F in school, and an F in life. And, he's cheating on you, too... oh, good. Because now your marriage is for sure in the toilet.... if marriages are Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust, as I truly believe they are, the passion is getting shared with someone else,so the other three are in the toilet too. This guy is really pre-occupied, for sure. He's not a man, hon. He's not a husband, he's no one you can share with, love with, and have a great life with..... My only question is what ARE you thinking? and why ARE you still even there?????

Answer 6

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Answer 7

yes your marriage is in trouble, and a fool often returns to what he knew, or the way he use to be when there is stress or he has to grow up, he uses drugs to avoid it. he could be cheating too, especially if u found a number and he erased it, means he is hiding something, and a man who has nothing to hide will hide nothing. u can't change a man on drugs, nor can u compete this is who he is and part of his character.

Answer 8

Probably not cheating if he wants sex, but the drinking and doing drugs is not going to help

Answer 9

Your friends' advice or thoughts are not necessarily true. He may be cheating on you with another woman, he is definitely being unfaithful in not being responsible in his activities.

He needs to be held accountable. I think you need the help of friends and family to be able to do so. I wish you both all the best and that he will remember his vows to you.

Answer 10

The sex has nothing to do with what he may or may not be doing. If you are having sex with him then you are accepting his behavior, he thinks you don't mind or you would n't have sex with him.
IF you wan to continue in this marriage then you need to put your foot down and let him know that you won't stand for being treated this way.

Answer 11

I was married to a big cheater and he still wanted sex all of the time from me.
Why are you still with this person? He is not doing YOU any good.
It is ok to think about yourself and want a better life than this.