My nine year old son likes to dress in my 10 yro daughter's shoes & dresses & often says he's a girl. Normal?

Question

My son Anthony is nine and a half and he never wears 'boys' clothing, often plays hopscotch and barbies, often steals then wears his older sister's clothing.

Is this normal? and what does this mean?

Answer 1

It maybe normal or it might not be normal, it just depends if he just likes dressing up as a girl & wearing his sister's clothes or if he wants to be a girl. If he just likes wearing girl's clothes, then you have no problem, but if he wants to be a girl, then you need to get him counseling & take it from there.

Answer 2

It could mean that he is seeing his older sister get "special" treatment for being a girl, that he doesn't feel he is getting. One way to get that treatment is to become a girl like his sister, thereby eliminating what he may percieve as his disability (being a boy.) You really need to look at how you are treating each of them and see if you aren't playing favorites, even unintentionally. Anthony may also be lacking a role model to work from and if this is a single parent family, may feel that female is a better way to fit in. Of course, he may also be having gender issues and given the information provided it is difficult to decide. If he has only grown up with girls around (no boys his age) and without a constant, consistant male presence, then he may be having trouble identifitying as a male. You need to have a serious and frank family discussion and ask him right out why he wants to be a girl. If he says because you and his sister are always getting treated better than he is, you might just have your answer.

Answer 3

It could well be just a phase, but could also be a sign of being transsexual (i.e. girl in a boy's body). He could also just be a young crossdresser. Either way I would say that he is not gay.

Of course you are worried, but please don't make a big thing out of it with your son. Just let him be himself for the time being until you know more. I think too many adults have been emotionally damaged by having 'who they should be' drummed into them at an early age

I would try and find out (as gently as possible) if he thinks of himself as a boy or a girl as that's often a good indicator of transsexualism (i.e. he beleives himself to be a girl or should have been born a girl.) Your GP or counsellor may give you some hints on how best to ask the questions, or try Mermaids http://www.mermaids.freeuk.com/toc1.html

Answer 4

In my opinion I think he is perfectly normal. Remember, he's only nine, and he has an imagination running 24/7. Also, try think that if he only has a sister, when he was young, he may have been around a lot of girls. This may have made in "like" or interested in girl stuff. I have a 3 year old cousin (yes, I know it's a 6 year difference, but still) that likes girl stuff. He likes putting make on and all. But he is usually around girls all the time. Anyways. try not to worry and think positive.

Answer 5

Dressing up the boy as a princess won't make him gay, or a serial killer, or depressed as he gets older. He would be embarrassed via it yet who would not have any embarrassment from their adolescence? If this became into any incorrect way around and a woman had to gown up in as a prince no one could say something. Is dressing up as a princess his theory or yours? It sounds love that's yours. My suggestion could purely ask him what he needs or take him down the dress isle and enable him %. a "boy" dress.

Answer 6

Normal? For him? Sure.

"Normal" is just an average and doesn't apply well to an individual person. Everyone is normal to themself.

There are many that would say that "normal" is overrated. Was DaVinci "normal?" Michelangelo? And yet they were two of the leading artists/thinkers of the Renaissance.

Anyhoo, wait until puberty and hormones hit until anyone makes any assumptions about orientation. Only then will he be more sure where his inborn orientation lies.

Good luck!

Answer 7

It doesn't necessarily mean anything.

Many children experiment with gender roles; it's usually just a phase, and they grow out of it. You might wish to talk to him about it calmly, explain that this is a little unusual and many people might find it strange; if you don't make a big issue of it, he should feel able to openly discuss why he does it.
Although there is a possibility that he might be transsexual, or gay, it's remote; the vast majority of children stop spontaneously and continue to lead perfectly ordinary lives.
If it persists, or if he appears to be distressed by it, or by other people's reactions to it, it might be worth talking to a psychologist.

Answer 8

It is perfectly normal as dressing up in his sister's clothing may be a sign that he looks up to his sister and wants to try what she is doing as a form of mimicing as oppose to necessarily showing any traits about future sexuality. Don't get me wrong your son might turn out to be any of a number of different things. However I'm sure you'll be proud of him whoever he is! Just don't be too quick to make adult assumptions about childish behaviour.

Answer 9

Are you wondering if he is gay or trans? He might be- but then again, he might not be.

He's only 9 yrs old. Give him time to develop into who he really his.

When I was 9, I played football, baseball, and soccer. I wore boys clothes and played kickball instead of hopscotch. I'm a gay man with a gay husband. Do you see my point? You just have to wait and see.

If he is gay or trans, be sure to accept him for who he is. After all, he's your son.

Answer 10

oh snap i heard of that on the discovery channel and the young boy way normal just might just be in a stage or just transsexual or really a girl in the wrong body